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would you judge this woman?

lets say you know a woman, she used to have problem with drugs, after staying clean for a year, her bf beats her up and leaves her (because she doesn't approve of him drinking) alone with 2 kids, she spirals into depression, and ends up leaving her kids with her mom and takes off and relapses.

2 months into her relapse, she realises she is pregnant, by her druggie bf. 

scared to go home, ashamed of what she has done, she quits drugs on her own, tells her mom everything is ok, and stays with the loser bf.

then one night, he tries to kill her and her unborn child.

she manages to escape, and ends up couch surfing, because there is no family near enough to help her. he promises to change and begs her forgivness, sick of couch surfing, she goes back.

a month later, he tries to kill her again. 

this time,she calls the police and puts him in jail, packs her bags, and goes home to her mothers, a 3 day drive away. 

her life is in flux, she is a recovering addict (she quit when she found out about the baby) and has 2 children already, 1 whom her mother has raised since she was 15, and another who she placed with her mom while she relapsed. 

determined to stay clean and be a good mom, she makes a hard choice, to learn to be a mother to the 2 children she already has, and focus on recovery, and in order to do that, she decides that she needs to put the child she is carrying up for adoption, just in case she cannot stay clean.

she finds the perfect family, a nice young couple, and the adoption process begins. 

she is scared the stress of a new baby along with learning to be a mother again will be too much for her, she is scared of relapsing. she is scared of putting her kids through hell. again. so she gives her little baby girl up, and keeps working on herself. 

she meets a really nice farm boy, he loves her despite her faults, they meet when she is 7 months preg with the baby she is giving up.

he stands by her, and is there for her and loves her. he treats her children as her own, and is supportive of her decision regarding adoption.

5 years later, they are still together, she is still clean, and is a good wife and mother. 

she has tried her best to make amends for the damage her addiction has caused. 

her oldest still lives with her mother, (although she tried to have him with her, he just wasn't happy, and they had a hard time bonding, ) but she got herself in check in time to save her relationship with the younger one.

4 years after first meeting her farm boy, they have a baby:) and then they get married:) and are now expecting another child. 

do you judge her and begrudge her this child because of her past? (she has 6 years clean now)


Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:01 PM
Replies (311-314):
Ayla-bellesmom
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:02 AM
Yes. I would judge for those bad decisions.

The second you choose to have children, you no longer get to make shitty decisions and chalk it up to your age, or your family life, or your childhood because now you are destroying someone else's childhood.

I had a shitty mother and no father and an abusive stepfather and the effect that has had on me is profound and deep and lasting. I have made damn sure that my daughter will get to be a child and never have to experience life that way. What happened to me is no longer important and what happens to her is everything.

So when I meet someone who has had so little regard for the well being of their children no MATTER the reason, I find that I am completely incapable of having respect or sympathy FOR that person.

I work hard every day to overcome my demons and be a good mother. When people are incapable of doing that, is when they need to abort, in my opinion.
6AM
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:14 AM

I don't know if she picked a dick. Abusive relationships are sometimes hard to get out of. She was pregnant before she relapsed and gave her child up she just did not realize it and went back to the dick because she needed someplace for her and the child . a bad decision but probably the best she knew how to make, she did get her child back before falling in love and reproducing again as she got clean and worked on her self and her parenting while she was pregnant with dick's child that she would give a better home to because she knew she was fucked up. It is very sad about her oldest child and I know how much it hurts when your mom puts these things before you however this woman did realize her mistake , took responsibility and honestly tried so I would not call her selfish exactly.

Quoting mommy_me:

 A few reasons. I know its awful of me to judge but this ''mom'' put a dick before her babies. She put drugs before her babies. She abandoned them and went and got pregnant again. Gave said baby up for adoption and instead of working on herself and getting her babies back, she ''fell in love'' and again went after dick instead of her children.

Yes this man was no wife beater but she still put a man before her babies. Then got pregnant again without even getting her oldest back. Yea, he had trouble at her house and they didnt connect. That was due to the fact she abandoned him for a man and drugs. IMO she gave up, took the easy road out.

Good for her for being drug free, but she failed as a mother. As sad a story as this is, I cant feel sympathy for someone who destroyed her life and messed with her childrens.

Quoting 6AM:

why?

Quoting mommy_me:

 Yes


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:18 AM
When will this story aired in Lifetime ?
Cafe GroupAdmin
by Head Admin on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:30 AM

 

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