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would you judge this woman?

lets say you know a woman, she used to have problem with drugs, after staying clean for a year, her bf beats her up and leaves her (because she doesn't approve of him drinking) alone with 2 kids, she spirals into depression, and ends up leaving her kids with her mom and takes off and relapses.

2 months into her relapse, she realises she is pregnant, by her druggie bf. 

scared to go home, ashamed of what she has done, she quits drugs on her own, tells her mom everything is ok, and stays with the loser bf.

then one night, he tries to kill her and her unborn child.

she manages to escape, and ends up couch surfing, because there is no family near enough to help her. he promises to change and begs her forgivness, sick of couch surfing, she goes back.

a month later, he tries to kill her again. 

this time,she calls the police and puts him in jail, packs her bags, and goes home to her mothers, a 3 day drive away. 

her life is in flux, she is a recovering addict (she quit when she found out about the baby) and has 2 children already, 1 whom her mother has raised since she was 15, and another who she placed with her mom while she relapsed. 

determined to stay clean and be a good mom, she makes a hard choice, to learn to be a mother to the 2 children she already has, and focus on recovery, and in order to do that, she decides that she needs to put the child she is carrying up for adoption, just in case she cannot stay clean.

she finds the perfect family, a nice young couple, and the adoption process begins. 

she is scared the stress of a new baby along with learning to be a mother again will be too much for her, she is scared of relapsing. she is scared of putting her kids through hell. again. so she gives her little baby girl up, and keeps working on herself. 

she meets a really nice farm boy, he loves her despite her faults, they meet when she is 7 months preg with the baby she is giving up.

he stands by her, and is there for her and loves her. he treats her children as her own, and is supportive of her decision regarding adoption.

5 years later, they are still together, she is still clean, and is a good wife and mother. 

she has tried her best to make amends for the damage her addiction has caused. 

her oldest still lives with her mother, (although she tried to have him with her, he just wasn't happy, and they had a hard time bonding, ) but she got herself in check in time to save her relationship with the younger one.

4 years after first meeting her farm boy, they have a baby:) and then they get married:) and are now expecting another child. 

do you judge her and begrudge her this child because of her past? (she has 6 years clean now)

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:01 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:18 PM

No, I would not judge. I would admire her strength and determination to get her life pieced back together and stay sober/clean. Like someone else said 'Sometimes it takes a lot of wrong turns to get to the right road.'

Unfortunately many times children get hurt in the process of those wrong turns but that is just the sad part of life. Dwelling on your past mistakes can only lead you astray again. Remembering them soyou don't repeat the same mistakes is wise, but dwelling on them and not allowing yourself to move can be damaging.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

No.  I judge people who don't try to better their situation.  I don't judge people who realize they screwed up and try to make things better.  Maybe she shouldn't have made the choices she made and she shouldn't have hurt her children, but if the effort is there, then she deserves the same happiness as anybody else.

by Anonymous 8 on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Congrats on the new baby, friend to the north. When is the new bundle due?
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:19 PM

she has a relationship with her oldest son, but they sadly do not have the same bond she has with her younger children, although she tried very hard. she see's him often, and he spends summers and long weekends and holidays with her. the other child was an infant at the time, and does not remember her leaving.

Quoting Sunshine257:

Because she lost her relationship with her first child. Her middle child had to spend a long time away from mom. It must have been hard for them to go through that. I feel sorry for the mother for her poor choices and for the same reasons I feel that way about the children.

Quoting Anonymous:

why would you feel sorry for them?

Quoting Sunshine257:

I would feel sorry for her and her children but I wouldn't judge her.

by Desiree` on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:19 PM

 Awwwww a fan, you're awesome!

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh but she is perfect and does no wrong. Of course she judges you and will always expect the worse from you. She is the best thing since sliced bread and Jesus Christ all wrapped into one.

Quoting Anonymous:

so no matter how good she does, or how good a mom she is now, her years clean, all of this, you would still look at her like she is a pos and expect her to be a pos because she made bad choices as a teenager? no matter how good she is doing now? that's nice.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 I judge all bad decisions, because those decisions leave a trail of tears.  There is no sense in looking back, because nothing can be changed, but in truth I would not trust that person to make the right decisions forever, and would expect the worst.



by Anonymous 9 on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:19 PM

No, part of growing up is learning from your mistakes.  Good for her, I hope she realizes everyday how incredibly lucky she is.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:20 PM

lol, april 5th, thank you, we are very excited:) the boys are hoping for a sister this time

Quoting Anonymous:

Congrats on the new baby, friend to the north. When is the new bundle due?

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Who is this person is relation to you, OP? Just curious?

Someone said they are a CM member? 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:20 PM


Life is a journey and everyone makes mistakes along the way. 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:21 PM
No, we all make mistakes. Although her previous mistakes may not be ideal but nobody's perfect. I would say if she hasn't found god already, to seek him and stay in the path she is on. Faith will help her stay straight
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