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would you judge this woman?

lets say you know a woman, she used to have problem with drugs, after staying clean for a year, her bf beats her up and leaves her (because she doesn't approve of him drinking) alone with 2 kids, she spirals into depression, and ends up leaving her kids with her mom and takes off and relapses.

2 months into her relapse, she realises she is pregnant, by her druggie bf. 

scared to go home, ashamed of what she has done, she quits drugs on her own, tells her mom everything is ok, and stays with the loser bf.

then one night, he tries to kill her and her unborn child.

she manages to escape, and ends up couch surfing, because there is no family near enough to help her. he promises to change and begs her forgivness, sick of couch surfing, she goes back.

a month later, he tries to kill her again. 

this time,she calls the police and puts him in jail, packs her bags, and goes home to her mothers, a 3 day drive away. 

her life is in flux, she is a recovering addict (she quit when she found out about the baby) and has 2 children already, 1 whom her mother has raised since she was 15, and another who she placed with her mom while she relapsed. 

determined to stay clean and be a good mom, she makes a hard choice, to learn to be a mother to the 2 children she already has, and focus on recovery, and in order to do that, she decides that she needs to put the child she is carrying up for adoption, just in case she cannot stay clean.

she finds the perfect family, a nice young couple, and the adoption process begins. 

she is scared the stress of a new baby along with learning to be a mother again will be too much for her, she is scared of relapsing. she is scared of putting her kids through hell. again. so she gives her little baby girl up, and keeps working on herself. 

she meets a really nice farm boy, he loves her despite her faults, they meet when she is 7 months preg with the baby she is giving up.

he stands by her, and is there for her and loves her. he treats her children as her own, and is supportive of her decision regarding adoption.

5 years later, they are still together, she is still clean, and is a good wife and mother. 

she has tried her best to make amends for the damage her addiction has caused. 

her oldest still lives with her mother, (although she tried to have him with her, he just wasn't happy, and they had a hard time bonding, ) but she got herself in check in time to save her relationship with the younger one.

4 years after first meeting her farm boy, they have a baby:) and then they get married:) and are now expecting another child. 

do you judge her and begrudge her this child because of her past? (she has 6 years clean now)

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:01 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:21 PM

No, I celebrate her. This is what it is to live-we make mistakes, we learn from them, we grow as human beings.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:22 PM

trust me when i say she does. sometimes she thinks about what could have been, and cries because she is so grateful to god and her dh for the life she has now. she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world

Quoting Anonymous:

No, part of growing up is learning from your mistakes.  Good for her, I hope she realizes everyday how incredibly lucky she is.

by Raye on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:22 PM
It is not my place to judge. She made mistakes, just like every other human being. She tried to turn her life around and did. She did the best thing she could for her children and that should be respected. Her past is in the past. no need to drudge it up from the pits.
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by Anonymous 10 on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

You left out the part where you broke up with farm boy a few times and threatened to become a prostitute Again..... 

by Anonymous 7 on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Of course I'm a fan. People with holier than thou attitudes always amuse me.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 Awwwww a fan, you're awesome!

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh but she is perfect and does no wrong. Of course she judges you and will always expect the worse from you. She is the best thing since sliced bread and Jesus Christ all wrapped into one.

Quoting Anonymous:

so no matter how good she does, or how good a mom she is now, her years clean, all of this, you would still look at her like she is a pos and expect her to be a pos because she made bad choices as a teenager? no matter how good she is doing now? that's nice.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 I judge all bad decisions, because those decisions leave a trail of tears.  There is no sense in looking back, because nothing can be changed, but in truth I would not trust that person to make the right decisions forever, and would expect the worst.


by Ruby Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:23 PM
No. she fixed herself. She knew she couldnt parent her baby so she gave her to someone who could. Life happens. She isn't a bad person she was just in a bad place in life.
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by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:23 PM

No I wouldnt judge her.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:23 PM

I guess it depends if I know the person and how close they are to me. When someone breaks my trust, they don't get it back period. I wouldn't go back to having a relationship with her because I could never trust her again, it would be a waste of time. Though I would wish her well. But if I had never known her, I wouldn't judge.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:24 PM

quitting drugs wasn't the hard part. the hard part was learning to love myself, accept myself, and trying to find my place in an unfamiliar world.

Quoting Anonymous:

Once someone is an addict, they are always an addict. I wouldn't have bad feelings towards her, nor would I judge or begrudge. She left her kids in safe hands and did what she thought was best ( which was at the time) for the baby. She got her life together and had more kids. Coming from a long family of addicts(not myself) I know how hard it is to become "Normal" again. I commend her.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:25 PM

Quoting Luna091306:

No. Life is very hard for some people. Lord knows I haven't done things right and have made many bad choices. It's never too late to change and wanting to do so is what matters. I would actually admire someone who went through so much and came out on top.

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