This is NOT an anti-adoption post!! I believe adoption is WONDERFUL in so many situations!! If the child is coming into an abusive home, drugs/alcohol, a parent/parents that can not afford a child, teens.. there are SO many situation where i feel adoption is an amazing option... I just feel I made the wrong choice for MY situation
I had my baby adopted :*( He is 2 and a half weeks old. They took him right from the hosptial. I had not educated myself enough to make the decision. A bit of the backstory.. I was raped and the child was conceived. My husband convinced me the only choice I had was to have him adopted (my husband had a vasectomy so we know hes from the rape). I decided to do what my husband wanted (my marriage was more important to me than what I felt in my heart). I chose an amazing family. However, they are several states away. They came and the adoption agency said they get him right from the hospital. I didnt look into it and just went along with everything because I wanted everyone to be happy. Well, now that hes gone Ive been so depressed. Its not that we didnt have the means to take care of him ourselves. We live in a beautiful newer neighborhood, in a large home. My other children go to an amazing private school. They are involved in sports and music. We have a very nurturing home (no abuse, no drug or alcohol use). So I've been researching about the effects on both him and myself. Had I known that HE was suffering just as much as me right now, there is NO WAY I would have done this!!! I just assumed Id be the one to suffer and he wouldnt know any better since he was taken so young. I just wanted everyone else to be happy. I just cant believe I didnt even THINK to research about the effects on my BABY!!! The adoption agent just wanted him adopted so she kept saying I was doing what was best.. but now that I look at it, I WASNT!!! Whats best is for him to be with his birth mother!! I have a wonderful environment for him to be in and, I just am disgusted with myself right now.. and now its too late to do anything about it!! I feel SO guilty right now! I love my son more than words can say and it BREAKS me to know hes going through the trauma of this as well.. that will effect him for life. I just wish I would have educated myself and maybe had a little support from the agency in doing so. I dont know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for this. I miss my son so much and just want him back..
this is from one of the articles ...
Scientific research now reveals that as early as the second trimester, the human fetus is capable of auditory processing and in fact, is capable of processing rejection in utero. In addition to the rejection and abandonment felt by the newborn adoptee or any age adoptee for that matter, it must be recognized that the far greater trauma often times occurs in the way in which the mind and body system of the newborn is incapable of processing the loss of the biological figure. Far beyond any cognitive awareness, this experience is stored deep within the cells of the body, routinely leading to states of anxiety and depression for the adopted child later in life.