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CM skeptics I need your help!!! I think my friend is lying about being abused!**UPDATE** **FINAL UPDATE: MADE HER LEAVE**

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:38 AM
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1 mom liked this
I met this woman 9 months ago, she was my enrollment advisor when I started school. We instantly clicked and became good friends. After getting to know her she revealed to me that she had moved here from another state to escape her exhusband. The stories she told me were crazy, almost unbelievable at times but I thought "OK I've never been in this situation so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt".....she never actually gives any details though, its always very vague. Fast forward a few months, she gets fired from the school claiming it was due to her ex stalking her there and the school saw it as a safety issue. Then she got evicted from her apartment and we offered to let her stay here until she gets another place.....of course my husband being the skeptic he is runs background checks on her and the ex husband and comes up with ZERO results. So then I did it myself and came up with nothing, its as if this man doesn't exist. She claims he is in jail here because he got arrested for violating the RO. I did an inmate search, found nothing. Searched the court dockets on the county website, again found nothing in either one of their names. What do I do? I don't want to confront her if she really is a victim of domestic abuse and the things she has told me are really true but.......shouldn't there be SOMETHING with his name on it somewhere? Y'all are usually pretty brutally honest so from an outsiders view please tell me what you think
ladies!

***ETA*** Thank y'all for all the advice, I'm still trying to read through all the replies so if I)
haven't responded to you yet I apologize! I'll be back later today, gotta go tend to my small people:)

**FINAL.UPDATE ** Again thank you SO much for all the advice. Y'all have given me some really good ideas on how to approach this in a kind manner. If anything changes/happens I will update. **

***She has been gone all day but just came back, I was outside with the kiddos and there was a cop following her. They both get out and of course I'm like "what's going on?". She claims someone stole her IPhone today and the cop was here to file a report. So she goes in the house to get her info for Apple and the cop says "can I ask how you know her?" So I tell him about her being my old enrollment advisor and he says " Is she always like this because she seems a bit spacey." (Maybe he thought she was on drugs?) Idk but apparently she went down there demanding they find her phone because it has "evidence" on it that belongs to the DA. Its crazy stuff like this that makes her story so unbelievable, she literally just got that phone 3 days ago! DH is irate that she brought a police officer here because our kids are all asking questions now. I feel like I'm put in a position where I HAVE to talk with her ASAP.


**LAST UPDATE: MADE HER LEAVE** After the cop left, DH got home from work about 30 min later and we talked about what to do. We both agreed that even though we didn't know exactly what was going on, something wasn't right and she needed to go. We both talked to her and just said that we weren't comfortable with the situation and we thought it would be best if she found another place to go. DH kinda took over half way through the convo and used my health issues as an excuse. (Past few months had some issues due to severe stress/anxiety that caused weight loss, hair loss,etc) She took it OK it seemed, she was crying and saying she was sorry but she did leave peacefully. After she left just as a precaution, I called the police station and spoke to the officer who had been at my house earlier that evening. He basically said we did the right thing and that she did come across as "off". He didn't say flat out that he thought she was lying but he did say " if she has been a victim of domestic violence and it has been going on for this long then she should already have the resources for women in her situation". I just want to say thank you ladies so much, y'all really gave me some great advice and helped me make the right decision.
***
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by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:42 AM
3 moms liked this

It's pretty obvious that she's lying. She has something going on in her life right now (of her own doing) and she needs a place to stay. I'd help her for the time being and then distance myself after she leaves. There's a good chance that her "ex" doesn't even exist, it sounds like she has some mental issues. As long as she isn't stealing or harming your family though, I guess I'd just help her out. ONLY THIS TIME THOUGH. Don't don't don't give her any more help after this, she's a hot mess.

NikiSellers0806
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:47 AM
I just kept thinking OK maybe I'm just missing it, maybe I'm not looking in the right place but damn I have searched every resource I can find. She is sweet as can be but yea she's a little off.....I just assumed it was due to running from a crazy abusive ex husband. I'm scared to confront her if this is some story she has concocted and has some mental issues that it might send her over the edge kwim? Idk honestly, what if its this reality she has created and truly believes it?

Quoting Anonymous:

It's pretty obvious that she's lying. She has something going on in her life right now (of her own doing) and she needs a place to stay. I'd help her for the time being and then distance myself after she leaves. There's a good chance that her "ex" doesn't even exist, it sounds like she has some mental issues. As long as she isn't stealing or harming your family though, I guess I'd just help her out. ONLY THIS TIME THOUGH. Don't don't don't give her any more help after this, she's a hot mess.



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NikiSellers0806
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:48 AM

BUMP!

mstkn.identity
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Hmmmm...i deffiantly would be skeptical. Something would come up. Do you know her hometown? Search it.
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lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:54 AM

Is she living with you now ?


NikiSellers0806
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:55 AM
I searched her hometown, state and ours....came up with nothing:/


Quoting mstkn.identity:

Hmmmm...i deffiantly would be skeptical. Something would come up. Do you know her hometown? Search it.

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NikiSellers0806
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Yes, till next week.....I was telling a PP she is super sweet and doesn't cause any problems. She has been a great houseguest but she's just a little off which I figured was due to the circumstances kwim?


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Is she living with you now ?



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NikiSellers0806
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Also, how do I handle this? Should I sit her down and calmly tell her what I found, giving her a chance to come clean or should I just tell her to leave?


Quoting mstkn.identity:

Hmmmm...i deffiantly would be skeptical. Something would come up. Do you know her hometown? Search it.

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lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:59 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting NikiSellers0806:

Yes, till next week.....I was telling a PP she is super sweet and doesn't cause any problems. She has been a great houseguest but she's just a little off which I figured was due to the circumstances kwim?


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Is she living with you now ?



I would be nervous of her. Something isn't adding up.

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

Mrs_Nelson
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:01 AM
15 moms liked this
She may be a con artist. Make sure all your docs, bank books and personal info is locked up in a safe. If you don't have a safe get a safety deposit box at your bank. Dont answer any personal questions about yourself dh or your kids that could be used as security questionns for banking or other personal accounts. If you do feel you must give an answer be as vague as you can be but dont lie, ie if she asks when dh bday is say march but dont give a dateor where you were born say in xxx state but not city or hospital ext. Do this even if you don't think she would steal from you. That is what they do, she is lying to you for a reason. Until you know what her reason is practice safe now rather than sorry later. Also you should do a background chec on her as well. Good luck
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