child custody issue, who is right?

[Anonymous]

I have sole custody of our ds. Xdh has no court ordered visitation, but I allow him to see ds twice a month for three hours each time.
Here's our issue. Xdh owes about 10k in back support, he hasn't made a payment in over a year. Because of that I can barely afford ds preschool tuition. He will be starting kindergarten next year. Looking into the private schools, I can not afford it unless xdh pays his child support. Since obviously I can not depend on that, I am looking into moving to the suburbs where the schools are better. I can commute to work, and save money because I don't have to pay tuition. Xdh lives 2.5 hours away from us now, if we move he will live 3.5 hours away. He doesn't want me to move because we'll be too far away and it'll be harder to see ds. He's threatening to take me to court if we move.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I don't have to consult with him for anything. I try to keep him up to date with what is going on with our ds. Like with school, doctors, soccer, etc. He rarely comes to a soccer game and doesn't even know where his doctors is, but still, I try.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have sole custody of my DD. I don't have to even consult her biodad if I move lol.



But he's has never seen her before... so maybe its different?

[beerebelly]

 You have sole custody. Just move. If he is $10,000 behind in cs I highly doubt he is going to pay for an attorney to fight you on it.

[dee06]

I doubt he will actually take you to court. I would bet he is just trying to scare you. Move and do what is best for you and your child.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

We have gone to court, hence the sole custody. Also I do have to pay for preschool because I make 500 a year over the limit for financial assistance for preschool.

Quoting Anonymous:

You don't have to pay for preschool or a private school. How about you use your common sense and take him to court and have it legal?

[SnapIt]

Shame thats all you allow him, if hes no danger to the kid

Our kids are not side shows that the other parent has to pay to come visit. Yes he should be paying his half of the child but if he isnt living angrand lifestyle himself he wont be able to pay that 10 grand in full. For it to have accumilated so much something should've been done long ago. That amount doesnt happen within days. Sad the kid is getting the brunt of it all

Quoting Anonymous:

I say I allow, because he has no visitation. Visitation is at my discretion. So yes, I allow him to see our ds.

Quoting SnapIt:

Oh so its his choice


Just asked because you said you allowed him





"I have sole custody of our ds. Xdh has no court ordered visitation, but I allow him to see ds twice a month for three hours each time."





So by you saying this it looks as if you are trying to call the shots and take the kid away from him and now you say you might have to move. Thats taking the kid away further.


Most of the time why men dont pay their support is because if the woman is with holding the child from him, he will with hold the support from her. Both parties dont realize these decisions are hurting the child in the long run


Almost like an eye for an eye and if you want your kid to have some sort of relationship with dad, moving will only make the situation worse for the kid.

Quoting Anonymous:

He sees him every other Saturday for 3 hours because that's what is convenient for him. I'd prefer every weekend so I can have some "me" time lol.

Quoting SnapIt:

And whats the reason in why you are only letting him see his kid 2times a month for only 3 hrs each time?









Is he a danger to his kid?

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Omg, where are you getting this?
My xdh makes 300k a year, he can afford to stay at the waldorf for his new girlfriends bday but not cs, riiight. Second did you not see that he sees ds that amount because that's what is convenient for him. Not me. Ugh

Quoting SnapIt:

Shame thats all you allow him, if hes no danger to the kid



Our kids are not side shows that the other parent has to pay to come visit. Yes he should be paying his half of the child but if he isnt living angrand lifestyle himself he wont be able to pay that 10 grand in full. For it to have accumilated so much something should've been done long ago. That amount doesnt happen within days. Sad the kid is getting the brunt of it all

Quoting Anonymous:

I say I allow, because he has no visitation. Visitation is at my discretion. So yes, I allow him to see our ds.

Quoting SnapIt:

Oh so its his choice



Just asked because you said you allowed him







"I have sole custody of our ds. Xdh has no court ordered visitation, but I allow him to see ds twice a month for three hours each time."







So by you saying this it looks as if you are trying to call the shots and take the kid away from him and now you say you might have to move. Thats taking the kid away further.



Most of the time why men dont pay their support is because if the woman is with holding the child from him, he will with hold the support from her. Both parties dont realize these decisions are hurting the child in the long run



Almost like an eye for an eye and if you want your kid to have some sort of relationship with dad, moving will only make the situation worse for the kid.

Quoting Anonymous:

He sees him every other Saturday for 3 hours because that's what is convenient for him. I'd prefer every weekend so I can have some "me" time lol.

Quoting SnapIt:

And whats the reason in why you are only letting him see his kid 2times a month for only 3 hrs each time?











Is he a danger to his kid?

[Anonymous]

Well you have to think about you and your child. So do what's best for you guys first.

Tell him to take you to court. And also tell him to prepare for back child support he owes.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't have to consult with him for anything. I try to keep him up to date with what is going on with our ds. Like with school, doctors, soccer, etc. He rarely comes to a soccer game and doesn't even know where his doctors is, but still, I try.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have sole custody of my DD. I don't have to even consult her biodad if I move lol.





But he's has never seen her before... so maybe its different?

[mamabird3585]

 This - Do what's best for you and the boy. He deserves a good education. I moved for a better school too.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well you have to think about you and your child. So do what's best for you guys first.

Tell him to take you to court. And also tell him to prepare for back child support he owes.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't have to consult with him for anything. I try to keep him up to date with what is going on with our ds. Like with school, doctors, soccer, etc. He rarely comes to a soccer game and doesn't even know where his doctors is, but still, I try.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have sole custody of my DD. I don't have to even consult her biodad if I move lol.





But he's has never seen her before... so maybe its different?

 

[Polemomma2010]

If he isn't paying his part, you have no other option.  I would do it it a heart beat.  If you can't depend on him for child support, then you should budget that money out and leave it as hope that you get it.  Sounds like he needs to start doing his part and going to court to work it out might be the best solution.  But in the mean time, you can't depend on the child support to come in.  So budget only what you make to live off so that you know what you can really depend on.

[mylove415]

Let him take you to court, he will get fucked with child support.