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Should My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 101 Replies

Dear AdviceMama,

I am a newly divorced mom with custody of my child. My daughter rarely sees her dad, so she was happy to have shared the weekend with his new fiancée and her children. Following the weekend, his fiancée posted pictures of our daughter on her social networking site. This makes me very uncomfortable and I struggle with whether or not this is an issue that should be confronted. Should his future wife have the freedom to post pictures of my child on her social networking sites?


Momma Bear

Dear Momma Bear,

You have raised a question that wouldn't have even existed a few short years ago. But nowadays, many parents share your concerns, as we all try to figure out how to safely navigate the world of the Internet that's so rapidly becoming part of our parenting lives.

Social networking has changed the way people make contact with old and new friends, creating complex challenges about what is and isn't appropriate, as matters of privacy get explored and debated.

I have a feeling our ParentDish readers will be divided on this issue, but my opinion is that without your express permission -- and depending on your daughter's age -- your former husband's fiancée shouldn't have added the photographs. It's safe to say that she meant no harm; lots of people post pictures of their children on their Facebook site as a way of offering a visual glimpse into their lives.

The problem is that there are many ways that information on networking sites gets passed around on the Internet, and frankly, I don't think parents exercise nearly enough caution in posting photos of their children.

I don't know whether your daughter's future stepmother has the legal right to upload pictures of her or not; I suspect this aspect of custody law is still a work in progress, as attorneys race to catch up with the many new issues that the Internet has created when it comes to parenting.

But I don't think it would be at all inappropriate to politely express your concerns to your former husband and his fiancée.

Before I go further, however, I should say this: If your concerns are relevant to protecting your daughter from being viewed by strangers -- I'm with you. If, however, you're simply uncomfortable having her future stepmother acknowledge her fiancee's daughter to her online friends, we're talking about a different issue. In that case, you are going to have to do the difficult work of coming to terms with this woman's presence in your child's life.

If you legitimately feel uneasy about the situation because you don't want your daughter's photos displayed online, begin by letting your former husband and his fiancee know that you understand that she might want to share pictures from their weekend together, but that you're not comfortable having your daughter's images on the web.

Explain some of your reasons, and make the request that the photos be removed, at least until you can all come to an agreement.

If worse comes to worse, I suppose you can consult your attorney and find out if the custody terms address this sort of problem. But ultimately, your daughter will best be served if you do all you can to untangle this in a friendly way with her father and future stepmom.

Best of luck!

Yours in parenting support,

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:53 PM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:55 PM
3 moms liked this

 Not without your permission.  I'd ask Facebook to remove them.

I'm still kind of stuck on the "I'm newly divorced" and "his fiancee" part.  He has a fiancee ALREADY? 


by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:56 PM
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I don't see a huge problem. This woman is most likely going to be her stepmom and I can't imagine a step mother not being allowed to share her whole family(step daughter included) on her personal facebook. 

The only time I would see a problem is if A.) The woman posting pictures was just the ex's new girl of the week or B.) The woman's facebook was public for all to see or if she was posting else where(like cafemom)

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:57 PM

um no.  i think it ould be different if her kids were in the pic but if it is pics of her or just her and her dad then NO

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Nope. The only people allowed to post my kids on their fb are myself and ex-dh. Even our families know to ask either of us if they can post photos of our kids.
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by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:02 PM
6 moms liked this

My exhusband's fiance posts pictures of mine and his daughters on her page. I see no issue with it. I know they are about to marry, she is about to be my daughter's stepmother. If my exhusband is okay with it, and it isn't harming my daughter, then I am fine with it. I am happy that my ex found someone that loves our daughters and is a beautiful person to them.

by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:05 PM
10 moms liked this
Her daughter??? Aren't there 2 parents?

What about the fathers permission??

Or is the mothers the only one that counts?
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by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:05 PM
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I am a step-mom, and my husband recently posted a picture of my step-daughter as my daughter on my facebook page. The mom got mad, but my husband tried to make her realize that it was a shared facebook and it was him labeling the picture not me. Me and her ex-boyfriend have been together for over five years and if I did want to post a picture of my step-daughter I believe that I have every right. I do set all my settings to private. But I would have labeled the picture as my daughter also, not my step-daughter. I think it would hurt her feelings and I love her like my own. I am not saying I'm her mother or to call me mom, it is just not right to label anyone as step. I think you read to much into it and got right on the defensive for something you shouldn't have.

by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:08 PM

BM can't see my page, nor can any of her family. All of our mutual "friends" are restricted on my page so they can't tell her what I post. It's a nice set up really. BM and her family will never have access to my facebook or my DH's. 

by Emerald Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:14 PM
I don't have an issue with it.
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