Should My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?
- 101 Replies
Dear AdviceMama,
I am a newly divorced mom with custody of my child. My
daughter rarely sees her dad, so she was happy to have shared the
weekend with his new fiancée and her children. Following the weekend,
his fiancée posted pictures of our daughter on her social networking
site. This makes me very uncomfortable and I struggle with whether or
not this is an issue that should be confronted. Should his future wife
have the freedom to post pictures of my child on her social networking
sites?
Signed,
Momma Bear
Dear Momma Bear,
You have raised a question that wouldn't have even existed a few short
years ago. But nowadays, many parents share your concerns, as we all try
to figure out how to safely navigate the world of the Internet that's
so rapidly becoming part of our parenting lives.
Social networking has changed the way people make contact with old and
new friends, creating complex challenges about what is and isn't
appropriate, as matters of privacy get explored and debated.
I have a feeling our ParentDish readers will be divided on this issue,
but my opinion is that without your express permission -- and depending
on your daughter's age -- your former husband's fiancée shouldn't have
added the photographs. It's safe to say that she meant no harm; lots of
people post pictures of their children on their Facebook site as a way
of offering a visual glimpse into their lives.
The problem is that there are many ways that information on networking
sites gets passed around on the Internet, and frankly, I don't think
parents exercise nearly enough caution in posting photos of their
children.
I don't know whether your daughter's future stepmother has the legal
right to upload pictures of her or not; I suspect this aspect of custody
law is still a work in progress, as attorneys race to catch up with the
many new issues that the Internet has created when it comes to
parenting.
But I don't think it would be at all inappropriate to politely express your concerns to your former husband and his fiancée.
Before I go further, however, I should say this: If your concerns are
relevant to protecting your daughter from being viewed by strangers --
I'm with you. If, however, you're simply uncomfortable having her future
stepmother acknowledge her fiancee's daughter to her online friends,
we're talking about a different issue. In that case, you are going to
have to do the difficult work of coming to terms with this woman's
presence in your child's life.
If you legitimately feel uneasy about the situation because you don't
want your daughter's photos displayed online, begin by letting your
former husband and his fiancee know that you understand that she might
want to share pictures from their weekend together, but that you're not
comfortable having your daughter's images on the web.
Explain some of your reasons, and make the request that the photos be removed, at least until you can all come to an agreement.
If worse comes to worse, I suppose you can consult your attorney and
find out if the custody terms address this sort of problem. But
ultimately, your daughter will best be served if you do all you can to
untangle this in a friendly way with her father and future stepmom.
Best of luck!
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
As a matter of fact, two years into my marriage with DH, (with two years of being together before marriage on top of that) I got word that my stepson's therapist wanted to talk to me. When I arrived the therapist explained to me that he wanted to speak with me because I was "new, and just arriving on the scene." Understandably, I was all, "lol what?" Apparently, he hadnt been informed of my presence until the week before, and was told my stepson "didn't know me".
....
Quoting TranquilMind:Not without your permission. I'd ask Facebook to remove them.
I'm still kind of stuck on the "I'm newly divorced" and "his fiancee" part. He has a fiancee ALREADY?
Yikes.
Quoting Anonymous:Quoting CheesyKitty:
It depends if Mom plasters dd all over her own fb. It would be hyprocrytical of her to say that they cannot share pictures as well.
that is her kid. His fiance is no one. Even if they marry she is no one.
Some people pick the most ridiculous things to worry about.
this
Quoting MagicTemptation:My exhusband's fiance posts pictures of mine and his daughters on her page. I see no issue with it. I know they are about to marry, she is about to be my daughter's stepmother. If my exhusband is okay with it, and it isn't harming my daughter, then I am fine with it. I am happy that my ex found someone that loves our daughters and is a beautiful person to them.
Quoting Anonymous:Quoting CheesyKitty:
It depends if Mom plasters dd all over her own fb. It would be hyprocrytical of her to say that they cannot share pictures as well.
that is her kid. His fiance is no one. Even if they marry she is no one.
The Fathers Partner or Fathers Girlfriend/s have needs-And if the Father of the Child/rens Partner/Girlfriend/s have a desire to spend time with the Fathers Child/ren, or have a desire for photos of the Fathers Children, or have a desire to upload photos of The Fathers Chidren. And a desire to label the Fathers Children, their own.
The Birth Mother, has to put her own selfish needs aside, and allow the Father of the Child/ren to fullfill his Partner/Girlfriend's needs when it comes to his Children
Personally, unless you are blood related to my son, you do not post pics of him
DH and I have an agreement . If (BIG IF) we were to seperate, only I would be able to post pics of Kael on FB (because he rarely uses his) and i would maintain his family as friends,m would still email them pics..etc.
however, due to both of our experiences with our step parents, if we were to remarry, the new husband/wife are just that. They would have no right to put pics of our child up.
That's the ugliest name everrrr!!!