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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Dear AdviceMama,

I am a newly divorced mom with custody of my child. My daughter rarely sees her dad, so she was happy to have shared the weekend with his new fiancée and her children. Following the weekend, his fiancée posted pictures of our daughter on her social networking site. This makes me very uncomfortable and I struggle with whether or not this is an issue that should be confronted. Should his future wife have the freedom to post pictures of my child on her social networking sites?

Signed,

Momma Bear

Dear Momma Bear,

You have raised a question that wouldn't have even existed a few short years ago. But nowadays, many parents share your concerns, as we all try to figure out how to safely navigate the world of the Internet that's so rapidly becoming part of our parenting lives.

Social networking has changed the way people make contact with old and new friends, creating complex challenges about what is and isn't appropriate, as matters of privacy get explored and debated.

I have a feeling our ParentDish readers will be divided on this issue, but my opinion is that without your express permission -- and depending on your daughter's age -- your former husband's fiancée shouldn't have added the photographs. It's safe to say that she meant no harm; lots of people post pictures of their children on their Facebook site as a way of offering a visual glimpse into their lives.

The problem is that there are many ways that information on networking sites gets passed around on the Internet, and frankly, I don't think parents exercise nearly enough caution in posting photos of their children.

I don't know whether your daughter's future stepmother has the legal right to upload pictures of her or not; I suspect this aspect of custody law is still a work in progress, as attorneys race to catch up with the many new issues that the Internet has created when it comes to parenting.

But I don't think it would be at all inappropriate to politely express your concerns to your former husband and his fiancée.

Before I go further, however, I should say this: If your concerns are relevant to protecting your daughter from being viewed by strangers -- I'm with you. If, however, you're simply uncomfortable having her future stepmother acknowledge her fiancee's daughter to her online friends, we're talking about a different issue. In that case, you are going to have to do the difficult work of coming to terms with this woman's presence in your child's life.

If you legitimately feel uneasy about the situation because you don't want your daughter's photos displayed online, begin by letting your former husband and his fiancee know that you understand that she might want to share pictures from their weekend together, but that you're not comfortable having your daughter's images on the web.

Explain some of your reasons, and make the request that the photos be removed, at least until you can all come to an agreement.

If worse comes to worse, I suppose you can consult your attorney and find out if the custody terms address this sort of problem. But ultimately, your daughter will best be served if you do all you can to untangle this in a friendly way with her father and future stepmom.

Best of luck!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:52 PM
Replies (41-50):
acrogodess
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this
If dad gives his permission for his fiancée to post the pictures of his daughter (after all there are TWO parents, not one), I don't have a problem with it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Meand5
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:28 PM
Nope
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smurfbitebug
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:32 PM
Plenty of biomoms exaggerate in this area.

As a matter of fact, two years into my marriage with DH, (with two years of being together before marriage on top of that) I got word that my stepson's therapist wanted to talk to me. When I arrived the therapist explained to me that he wanted to speak with me because I was "new, and just arriving on the scene." Understandably, I was all, "lol what?" Apparently, he hadnt been informed of my presence until the week before, and was told my stepson "didn't know me".

....


Quoting TranquilMind:

 Not without your permission.  I'd ask Facebook to remove them.

I'm still kind of stuck on the "I'm newly divorced" and "his fiancee" part.  He has a fiancee ALREADY? 

Yikes. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smurfbitebug
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Wrong.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting CheesyKitty:

It depends if Mom plasters dd all over her own fb. It would be hyprocrytical of her to say that they cannot share pictures as well.

that is her kid. His fiance is no one. Even if they marry she is no one.
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ElizabethGracie
by Gold Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:34 PM

Some people pick the most ridiculous things to worry about. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:36 PM

this

Quoting MagicTemptation:

My exhusband's fiance posts pictures of mine and his daughters on her page. I see no issue with it. I know they are about to marry, she is about to be my daughter's stepmother. If my exhusband is okay with it, and it isn't harming my daughter, then I am fine with it. I am happy that my ex found someone that loves our daughters and is a beautiful person to them.


CheesyKitty
by Cm Addict on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:18 AM
I have more respect for SP than that.


Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting CheesyKitty:

It depends if Mom plasters dd all over her own fb. It would be hyprocrytical of her to say that they cannot share pictures as well.

that is her kid. His fiance is no one. Even if they marry she is no one.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:25 AM
1 mom liked this

The Fathers Partner or Fathers Girlfriend/s have needs-And if the Father of the Child/rens Partner/Girlfriend/s have a desire to spend time with the Fathers Child/ren, or have a desire for photos of the Fathers Children, or have a desire to upload photos of The Fathers Chidren. And a desire to label the Fathers Children, their own.

The Birth Mother, has to put her own selfish needs aside, and allow the Father of the Child/ren to fullfill his Partner/Girlfriend's needs when it comes to his Children

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:31 AM

Selfish BirthMoms need to realise,

The Father of her Children, has a right to make any woman/women he knows happy, so if his children, or photos of his children make another woman/women, he knows happy, then that should be allowed.

Sekirei
by LoKitty on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:43 AM

Personally, unless you are blood related to my son, you do not post pics of him 

DH and I have an agreement . If (BIG IF) we were to seperate, only I would be able to post pics of Kael on FB (because he rarely uses his) and i would maintain his family as friends,m would still email them pics..etc.

however, due to both of our experiences with our step parents, if we were to remarry, the new husband/wife are just that. They would have no right to put pics of our child up.

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