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Should My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Dear AdviceMama,

I am a newly divorced mom with custody of my child. My daughter rarely sees her dad, so she was happy to have shared the weekend with his new fiancée and her children. Following the weekend, his fiancée posted pictures of our daughter on her social networking site. This makes me very uncomfortable and I struggle with whether or not this is an issue that should be confronted. Should his future wife have the freedom to post pictures of my child on her social networking sites?

Signed,

Momma Bear

Dear Momma Bear,

You have raised a question that wouldn't have even existed a few short years ago. But nowadays, many parents share your concerns, as we all try to figure out how to safely navigate the world of the Internet that's so rapidly becoming part of our parenting lives.

Social networking has changed the way people make contact with old and new friends, creating complex challenges about what is and isn't appropriate, as matters of privacy get explored and debated.

I have a feeling our ParentDish readers will be divided on this issue, but my opinion is that without your express permission -- and depending on your daughter's age -- your former husband's fiancée shouldn't have added the photographs. It's safe to say that she meant no harm; lots of people post pictures of their children on their Facebook site as a way of offering a visual glimpse into their lives.

The problem is that there are many ways that information on networking sites gets passed around on the Internet, and frankly, I don't think parents exercise nearly enough caution in posting photos of their children.

I don't know whether your daughter's future stepmother has the legal right to upload pictures of her or not; I suspect this aspect of custody law is still a work in progress, as attorneys race to catch up with the many new issues that the Internet has created when it comes to parenting.

But I don't think it would be at all inappropriate to politely express your concerns to your former husband and his fiancée.

Before I go further, however, I should say this: If your concerns are relevant to protecting your daughter from being viewed by strangers -- I'm with you. If, however, you're simply uncomfortable having her future stepmother acknowledge her fiancee's daughter to her online friends, we're talking about a different issue. In that case, you are going to have to do the difficult work of coming to terms with this woman's presence in your child's life.

If you legitimately feel uneasy about the situation because you don't want your daughter's photos displayed online, begin by letting your former husband and his fiancee know that you understand that she might want to share pictures from their weekend together, but that you're not comfortable having your daughter's images on the web.

Explain some of your reasons, and make the request that the photos be removed, at least until you can all come to an agreement.

If worse comes to worse, I suppose you can consult your attorney and find out if the custody terms address this sort of problem. But ultimately, your daughter will best be served if you do all you can to untangle this in a friendly way with her father and future stepmom.

Best of luck!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:52 PM
Replies (71-80):
brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:38 AM

I'm torn. i see her point about the pics possibly being spread but really it seems like the lady is just trying to include the daughter into her family. Which is a good thing right? I mean if your child has to be from a split family wouldn't you want the step mom to feel good towards your child that will be in her care a great portion of her life.. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:

Selfish BirthMoms, can't stop the Father they had pro-created with. From allowing his children to have other Mother/s, in the Fathers girlfriend/s :) His girlfriends, can make there social networking account/s not viisible to the BirthMom, which would allow the Fathers girlfriend/s to post pictures of the Fathers children and to say the Fathers children are hers :) BirthMoms, your selfish egos aside, it's not worth stressing yourselves over something you have no control over-because you can't stop it from happening.

whatever. This pos would nothing but a mistake he married. My in laws would never accept her. They wouldn't invite her to holidays or birthdays since they would rather see their grandkids and the kids would be there if his wife showed up. Yes if I had to show up at every function to keep her away I'd do and laugh about it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:41 AM
I hate it when my exs gf posts pics of my kids BUT I do to and it would be wrong of me to claim "internet dangers" if I do the same thing. My kids are in her life and she in theirs. Gotta get over it. If you are the type that wont even post your own child, then yes that would be a problem. Kwim
Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Stfu... if the MOM were still with the dad and had a legit saftey concern, he would probably have no issue with it. Don't act special, men only follow the orders of their dicks.

Quoting Anonymous:

Selfish BirthMoms, can't stop the Father they had pro-created with. From allowing his children to have other Mother/s, in the Fathers girlfriend/s :) His girlfriends, can make there social networking account/s not viisible to the BirthMom, which would allow the Fathers girlfriend/s to post pictures of the Fathers children and to say the Fathers children are hers :) BirthMoms, your selfish egos aside, it's not worth stressing yourselves over something you have no control over-because you can't stop it from happening.

CABZS
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Well apparently dad still has rights so as long as fiance had his permission she doesn't need mom's permission.

I honestly don't see the big deal, fiance is part of the family doing this & having pics of SD w/her children shows she cares & why would that be an issue?

Does BM have pics of her daughter on FB? If so then honestly it seems this would be more of a control/jealous issue.

My ex's now ex has pics of my son, they loved each other, he was part of her life still is.  She has pics of her & my son on her FB page.  I have no issue with it.  And if I did, as long as ex gave permission then nothing I can do about it.

Also, pretty hard to bitch about posting pics if you post pics as well.

vwd_johnson
by Ruby Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Agreed

Quoting addiecakesmommy:

I don't see a huge problem. This woman is most likely going to be her stepmom and I can't imagine a step mother not being allowed to share her whole family(step daughter included) on her personal facebook. 

The only time I would see a problem is if A.) The woman posting pictures was just the ex's new girl of the week or B.) The woman's facebook was public for all to see or if she was posting else where(like cafemom)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
superwoman8977
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:53 AM

Sorry but you dont really have a say.  I said something to my exhusband about this in court and the judge told me that it was his time and he could do as he wished including posting pictures.  OH well I just make sure to post ds with lots of pictures of my husband and me and the kids in our activities on our facebook

Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:54 AM

We are military, we dont' live our life online.

We aren't near family, we move away from friends often.  Our FB is a great way for us to stay in touch, catch up, not fall out of each other's lives, share our lives w/those that are far away from us.

I am thankful for FB actually.  Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles, so many people are kept up to date on our lives & what our children are doing.  It is a great thing:)

Quoting 1RedHottMama:

Everyone that I associate with knows I don't allow my childrens pictures on there social media pages. If my children decide that they want to post there own pictures then that's up to them. I never have have had any problems with it,they respect my wishes. My DD is 19 and DS is 16 and didn't even have a Facebook until this year. I don't think you should live your life online.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:59 AM

Dang what is this a competition!  Poor kids!

And you bitched about your ex posting pics yet you do the same. Ridiculous!

Quoting superwoman8977:

Sorry but you dont really have a say.  I said something to my exhusband about this in court and the judge told me that it was his time and he could do as he wished including posting pictures.  OH well I just make sure to post ds with lots of pictures of my husband and me and the kids in our activities on our facebook


Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:05 AM

She is your ex's child as well. Sounds like you  are being selfish. Unless you post 0 pictures of her anywhere on the internet I would stop thinking like a bitch and keep your mouth shut. Don't cause problems for your daughter just because you don't like her dad's fiance. Im sure if you liked her there wouldn't be an issue here.

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