I see these posts around all the time, figured I would get involved and post one that I haven't seen.
I feel like posting my story, because I don't talk about it a lot..
My adoptive parents grew up in a small town, had known each other all their lives, and got married at 21. After my father got out of the military, they tried to have a baby. Years went by and the doctor told my mom she couldn't conceive, so they decided to adopt. They waited 8 years, and after several interviews and home inspections, they finally got a call that a newborn baby girl needed a home. I was five weeks old and being cared for by a young, pregnant foster mom (who I'm told was a very sweet, amazing person, I wish I could meet her, my mom kept in touch with her for a few years). My parents picked me up, and thus began my journey.
They told me from day 1 that I was adopted, and my whole family felt the need to remind me of that. I was an outcast in my own family, although I did become close to some members, and over time I became more accepted. My mom's side of the family is great, I love them, but my dad's side of the family has treated them and me like shit.
I have always been a daddy's girl. He's my hero, and my idol. A year before I was born, he was in a car accident (hit head on buy a drunk/high driver), and he nearly died. He spent 3 months in ICU, half that time in a coma. It left him permanantly damaged, and over the years he became a prescription drug addict, and I've had to see him overdose and withdrawl, the first time I was 7.
My mother is a fucking nutjob. She's a "christian" but it was more like a cult. She had so many mental problems it made her shrink give up on her. During Kindergarten, she was locked up in an institution, leaving my dad to care for me. She went back when I was 7, after my dad left her because she was insane. The bad thing was, he left me with her, and for three days, I had to feed myself, and take care of myself because all she would do was lay in the floor in the living room and cry. I missed school, but no one came to check on me. My dad finally came back, and, for reasons only God knows, they're still together. Every so often, like clock work, she would go into one of her mental stages, and would scream as loud as she could for hours, most often in the middle of the night. She would throw things at me, (I remember a shoe being thrown at me and barely missing my head at the age of 6) and as I got older, and decided to try to calm her ass down, she threatened to hit me. She was very controlling and over protective. I wasn't allowed to go to school, have friends, go outside of the home. She kept me locked away like Rapunzel. I ended up running away at 19 and living with DH's family until we got married. After all of this, though, I do have to say, she loves my daughters very much and has been a good grandmother to them. She and I just do not get along, though, and never will. There are things I cannot get over, or forget.
The things that I were told about my birth family were frightening. At 9, my dad sat me down and told me everything he knew. At the time of my birth,my birth father was in a Pennsylvania prision for raping his 13 year old daughter by another woman. My birth mother's family was from the west coast somewhere, I believe. I want to say either California or Arizona, but I'm not sure, I'll have to ask my dad again. She travelled a lot, out of a motor home type deal, and just happened to be in a town near my parents. I was told that she refused to hold or even look at me when I was born, and that she signed the papers, and I stayed in the nursery until my foster mom picked me up. No one heard from her or saw her again. The only thing I know about my heritage is that my bf's grandmother was full blooded Cherokee Indian, so I've taken pride in that, because it's something I know. I know that my bm's family has a history of obesity and heart disease (up until I had kids I was never overweight though, and even know am not "obese", I have baby weight).
I've struggled my entire life with a feeling of emptiness and abandonment. So many questions I want answers to, and I'm afraid I may not get them. I have always wanted to adopt a baby mysefl, but with my experience, wonder if it's the best decision. It's always been a dream, but every day I drift further away from it.