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I don't believe in spanking

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Parents seem to be on this power trip with their kids. It's the only explanation for the ferocity with which these parents cling to the concept of spanking.

Children are young, less experienced, less knowledgeable and can be defiant, impulsive and downright annoying and often even infuriating. 

When you have someone that you rule over, who knows less than you and who defies and annoys you, you feel completely justified in hitting them.

You say it's to teach them a lesson. You say it's because they can't learn any other way. 

You say it's your right as their "ruler." 

Let's grow beyond this and act benevolently to our subjects, eh?

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 6:39 AM
Replies (51-60):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:




First of all, Capella is an on line program and you have shared nothing more around their professional experience or undergraduate education and degree of your mother or grandmother. Am I impressed with Caoella....NO. Is anyone in my field....NO.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and every other governing board that holds the professional licensure of pediatricians, therapists, social workers, mental health professionals have issued very clear statements against corporal punishment in the home or school. Why? Because it raises risk of injury to children and it it increases the likelihood of aggressive behavior as well as several negative mental health indicators including anxiety, depression, substance abuse...greater likelihood for intimate partner abuse etc. Please do not take my word for it, research yourself. Dr. ELizabeth Gershoff did an excellent and very extensive study a few years back looking at all of the research on spanking over the last twenty five years and the conclusion remains that although spanking may win immediate compliance in the behavior short term it has over seventeen unintended negative consequences and is no more effective than other gentle, humane discipline strategies. That says it all. I provide therapy for children and families, if you came to me looking for professional expertise with your child, how would you feel if I pulled out a belt or stick or ruler and gave you a tutorial on how best to hit them?
one_on_the_way
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:26 AM

I 'believe' in it (as in, I know it exists) -- however, I choose to NOT spank my child - I choose other punishments (somehow, he is actually quite well-behaved and not a deviant, horrific child that so many parents seem to think is the result of NOT spanking....shrug - go figure).  

Anyway -- I really couldn't care less if another parent chooses to spank. (I used to care, but after hearing from some very intelligent and well-meaning 'spankers', I have grown and learned that it works for some families and it isn't my place to tell them it is right or wrong).  That is their choice and they have their reasons.  

Now, what I DON'T get is the 'glorifying' it that I see -- sometimes on facebook, sometimes on cafemom -- sometimes in real life (though people are much less open in how they talk about discipline 'in real life -- amazing what a computer screen and keyboard does to get people to open up about controversial topics)'.  I am thoroughly annoyed by the terms of "whoop their asses" -- or "give 'em a good smack, that'll teach 'em".  Ugh.  It is just said with such juveline-like pride.  "I smacked his butt!"  Ohhhh -- you are such a big, bad, tough parent.  You sure showed him!  It makes people sound uneducated and, well, like they are more "bullies" and less "parents".

I also hate how there seems to be this 'idea' that parents who spank are the 'tough, no nonsense' parents and those who don't spank are the 'weak, pushover' parents.  Not spanking does NOT make a parent permissive.  As long as they make clear expectations and make use of other consequences and punishment and follow through with them, they are far from being permissive.  And, I KNOW, (not think, KNOW) some parents simply spank because they are too lazy to try anything else.  If you are not one of those 'lazy' parents, do NOT try to defend this statement.  Those parents are not worth defending.  You, yourself, probably know of some parents who spank because they are lazy.  Spanking by itself is super easy.  But rarely effective.  

I just feel like discipline, whatever method, should be talked about as a SERIOUS thing and as a tool for guiding and teaching children how to behave and get along in our world.....the power-trip comments and tough attitudes and talk of some parents says a lot about them.  Good or bad?   Well, everyone has their opinions.  I bet you could guess mine.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Really because my friends is also one and have never inform me of this. In our state " physical discipline such as spanking or paddling ris not considered abuse as long as it's reasonable and cause no bodily injury. I spank not abuse me and my kids are good don't need to think about anything.


Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

Yup I guess I am the ruler and the funny part about it that's what I use to rule my house a ruler.





As a mandated reporter and clinical therapist, using an implement to hit a child would fall into the category of physical abuse. I would risk my state license if I did not file a report with cps. I practice in the northeast but you may want to think about this the next time you whip out your ruler.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:38 AM

Spanking kids with an object of any kind other than your hand is considered abuse in every state. As the previous reply stated, if you are a mandated reporter as I am, we have to report hitting a child anywhere on the body with an object If you want to spank you may want to consider just using your hand. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Really because my friends is also one and have never inform me of this. In our state " physical discipline such as spanking or paddling ris not considered abuse as long as it's reasonable and cause no bodily injury. I spank not abuse me and my kids are good don't need to think about anything.


Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

Yup I guess I am the ruler and the funny part about it that's what I use to rule my house a ruler.





As a mandated reporter and clinical therapist, using an implement to hit a child would fall into the category of physical abuse. I would risk my state license if I did not file a report with cps. I practice in the northeast but you may want to think about this the next time you whip out your ruler.


bleedhairspray
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know about all that but I do know growing up that if I did something bad enough to get a little tap on the ass or a pop in the mouth I never did it again, EVER. And I was only spanked maybe five times(never hard, my mom always used it more as a scare tactic, she'd put us over her lap, we'd scream our heads off, she'd give us a firm tap and that was it), and tapped on the face once(I was 12 and told my mom that I hated her and to fuck off, words that I can't believe I ever uttered and haven't even thought since!). So I find spanking effective, but should only be used when absolutely nothing else is making a change. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:39 AM
Quoting Anonymous:


Look mommy dearest spanking isn't abuse. Its a swat on the backside to get attention not cause pain. Screw the AAP. They don't know most kids. They sit on their butts thinking they know every kid. That's why they were wrong about my daughter. Mother's know what's best for their children not some doctors who want to play God. And Capellas doctorate program yes is online but is just as difficult and takes a hell of a lot more discipline than most. And they still have all the same doctoral requirements so online or not isn't a problem. Both my mother ans grandmother are very smart and know that spanking does NOT damage a child. So get over it!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:40 AM
We do and will continue to spank. That doesn't mean we beat our kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:40 AM
Do you not believe it exists? It does. Or do you not believe it's an effective form of discipline? It is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:41 AM

I don't believe in taking parenting advice from women on Cafemom.

militarywife09
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:41 AM
Why don't you quit being judgmental eh? Myob.
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