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The couple who was going to adopt my baby said they are going to sue me, can they???

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Hopefully, I will be able to talk to the adoption agency tomorrow but I was just wondering if anyone knows about this.

What happened was I decided when I found out that I was pregnant, that I was going to put my baby up for adoption. I am 18 and was concerned about my ability to care for the baby on my own. I went to the agency and I picked out a few couples, interviewed them and ended up choosing a couple. This was when I was 12 weeks along. I am now 30 weeks and have been thinking for the past few weeks that I really wanted to keep my baby by Thursday, I just knew I was going to.  I called them up and told them that I was sorry but I changed my mine. Yesterday, the woman called me and said that I have no moral right to this baby anymore because it was already her baby. She said that they are going to sue me for the cost of all the baby stuff they bought and they want me to repay them for everything they bought me (she took me shopping for maternity close, at her insistence, I was fine wearing stretch pants and maternity shirts my sister gave me.) I know that I can keep my baby, I am going back to school and I have a good job as a live in nanny (the couple is from my church, knew of my situation and offered me the job and said if I keep the baby I could have the baby with me while I am there as a live in nanny). I am just really worried because  she said they have spent thousands on baby stuff and there is no way I could pay them back if a judge ordered me too.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:13 PM
Replies (1011-1020):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 118 on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:05 PM

Yeah I didnt get it either. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That doesn't make sense they could still get a baby some other way and use the stuff. It's not like they are giving it to the birth mom to use now

Quoting Anonymous:

There was just a case on judge mathis a few moments ago and he denied the claim...but he said if the potential adoptees had bought baby items and clothes and other things then they would have been allowed to recieve monitary relief. So yes you may have to return or repay all of the money back they spent on anything above the initial legal fees for attorney and medical (which is considered not refundable).


Anonymous
by Anonymous 120 on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:08 PM

OP, Congrats on your decision to parent YOUR child!! YOU are all your child needs!

I would get as far away from that agency as possible, only after reporting the crazy PAP. If she can't handle disappointment before she even has a child in her life, she won't do better WITH a child, as life is full of disappointment. The agency even  warned her of such a possibility of you changing your mind. I don't buy they will black list her though as they have a business to run and they will take her green money. Thankfully, you found out how she is before she had her claws into your child!! I would def. report her though, You MAY save another unsuspecting mother.

I was bullied out of my daughter at birth for all the reasons I've read being tossed to you on this board. She was taken from me in the delivery room under the pretense I could not possibly be a good mother since there wasn't a father in the room with me.


Well let me tell you, it was NOT my "choice" to give my daughter to strangers because I was young. A real choice is two or MORE options, not one.

I had a job, (which would have offered insurance to both me and my daughter when I went full time which I did after I gave birth anyway) My father carried me on his insurance. My daughter and I were separated for 28 years. By the time we found each other, she had a 2 yr. daughter of her own. I looked for her for 10 years and she for me, all her life!

The experience of losing my daughter to adoption changed who I was, forever. I went on and married a great man and had a son, but my heart longed for my daughter every day of my life and still does. My husband welcomed my now grown daughter into our family and she started to come by for coffee and catching up. But when her adoptive mother got in the picture at her wedding, my daughters strong feelings of loyalty to them came out. So even after almost 10 years into reunion, we still have no relationship.


I believe anyone can sue anyone for anything in this country, so I wouldn't worry about that til you are served court papers. You have done nothing wrong. I may or may not return the maternity clothes. They were a gift, but you may be reminded of this ugly experience every time you wear them. I would mail them if I did return. You are dealing with a desperate woman in this case (btw, not all adoptive parents are like this lady, there are some great adoptive families that serve a special need. Sadly, there are kids that need homes in this country and thankfully there are families that open their homes and hearts to these kids)

I wish you the best of luck. And honor you as another Mother trying to figure it all out. Don't be afraid to ask for help along the way. And your child deserves child support from the father. He or she should not have to do without just to save him a few bucks, but that is not the topic of this post.

cjordan86
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:21 PM

Depending on state laws, they don't have a case but definitely contact an attorney just in case they want to follow through. Now-a-days, people sue others for frivolous things so don't just ignore the threats. Basically, if you aren't receiving anything for paying them for the baby stuff that they bought, then it'll probably end up in your favor. I do feel for the couple because they had their hopes set on this baby and they thought of this baby as their own but I don't understand them lashing out at you just because you want to keep the baby that you made. It's a bit immature and childish. I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers girlie and hopefully everything works out for all parties involved.

sswogger
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:22 PM

If you went through an agency, both of you guys probably had to sign paperwork?  I would read it over and see if it mentions any consequences from changing you mind.  I would also contact the agency and I am sure they know all of that kind of stuff since they probably deal with mothers changing their mind all the time.

ElyseFowler
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:10 PM
So I spoke with a friend who is a lawyer and she said it all depends on the contract you signed with them. Sorry
jeannie39
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:28 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting jeannie39:

 Whether OP has a contract not really does not matter. People lose their jobs all the time and one way or another, they take care of their kids. I don't see why the OP would be any different. If the posters making a big deal out of this lose their jobs, will it be ok for their kids to be taken away or put up for adoption?

 

But most people do NOT become homeless as soon as their job ends.  She would be out inthe street the day the job ended.  WITH her baby. And her total job experience would be as a nanny. Sure she might get another nanny job-maybe even one that would allow her to bring her child-and offer enough spare time to attend college-AND still pay over $36K.  But the reality is that the kinds of nanny jobs that pay that _AND allow you to live in WITH your infant-are pretty damned rare. IF I had hired a nanny who had their own child and was living in and thus had no expenses, I sure as hell wouldn't be paying them $750 a week!  Because while that is the going rate in some areas-or a lot more-for that price they want a college degree-and experience-and no baby along for the ride.

I, in no way said this was the perfect situation, but this girl is going to keep her baby. She already said that. She also said that she has a job with a family from her church. That family and the church must be standing by her. That means alot to alot of people. If she puts her faith in God, she will succeed. She has alot more going for her than alot of people in her place. I am pretty sure that she has thought about what it will take to raise her child. She knows who the father is, has family and a church family.  If she had wanted to keep her baby from the beginning, should someone be allowed to take it from her because she only 18? Alot of young parents find a way to go to college, if that's what they choose to do. This girl can, too. And just for the record, everyone does not have a college ed. Some that do end up with jobs that have nothing to do with their degree.

 The whole point to my original post was to say that enough determination, will power, hard work and faith they can do what need to be done to take care of their children. The OP deserves, no not deserves, has the right to raise her child.

Kool_Aide
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:30 PM

I didn't read through the replies. Way too many.

Did you sign a contract? If so, you would just need to go back through that and find out if you can be sued and what needs to be done.

Have you talked to the Agency you are working with?

onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:40 PM

I wonder why you're going anon. You are obviously educated about adoption. Do we know each other?

Quoting Anonymous:

The only thing I was ever told was that it was best to start separating now. To start addressing the child by the name the prospective adoptive parents picked out for him. To think of myself as a birthmother rather than a mother”
Heather Lowe, Mother



harehelper
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:42 PM

I'm sure that will make them feel much better.

Quoting EvilQueenMommy:


You can't buy a baby, so she owes them nothing
Quoting harehelper:

Yeah, she did scam them. She promised them a baby, they got their hearts set for something they had been dreaming of for heaven only knows how long, and then she ripped their hearts out. If they had been buying a car from her and they paid for it and did not get it, she would owe them the money back. A baby is far more important and emotionaly invested than a car.

Sorry OP, but if you have to pay them back $10 at a time for the next ten years, you owe them that money back, since you can't or won't give them what they really wanted.

Quoting Amybelle:

IDK but you have to understand their feels....They were excited about "their" new baby, Spent a lot of money....& you change your mind. I'm sure they are heartbroken & feel you scammed them.  JMO but You should return any of the Baby items they bought for the child. (if you weren't meaning to scam them you should have no problem doing that)




Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:20 PM


Quoting jeannie39:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting jeannie39:

 Whether OP has a contract not really does not matter. People lose their jobs all the time and one way or another, they take care of their kids. I don't see why the OP would be any different. If the posters making a big deal out of this lose their jobs, will it be ok for their kids to be taken away or put up for adoption?

 

But most people do NOT become homeless as soon as their job ends.  She would be out inthe street the day the job ended.  WITH her baby. And her total job experience would be as a nanny. Sure she might get another nanny job-maybe even one that would allow her to bring her child-and offer enough spare time to attend college-AND still pay over $36K.  But the reality is that the kinds of nanny jobs that pay that _AND allow you to live in WITH your infant-are pretty damned rare. IF I had hired a nanny who had their own child and was living in and thus had no expenses, I sure as hell wouldn't be paying them $750 a week!  Because while that is the going rate in some areas-or a lot more-for that price they want a college degree-and experience-and no baby along for the ride.

I, in no way said this was the perfect situation, but this girl is going to keep her baby. She already said that. She also said that she has a job with a family from her church. That family and the church must be standing by her. That means alot to alot of people. If she puts her faith in God, she will succeed. She has alot more going for her than alot of people in her place. I am pretty sure that she has thought about what it will take to raise her child. She knows who the father is, has family and a church family.  If she had wanted to keep her baby from the beginning, should someone be allowed to take it from her because she only 18? Alot of young parents find a way to go to college, if that's what they choose to do. This girl can, too. And just for the record, everyone does not have a college ed. Some that do end up with jobs that have nothing to do with their degree.

 The whole point to my original post was to say that enough determination, will power, hard work and faith they can do what need to be done to take care of their children. The OP deserves, no not deserves, has the right to raise her child.

For the last 18 weeks the OP had every intention of adopting out her baby.  Oh and I know everyone thinks that it will all work out-but there are Moms JUST like her living in cars with their babies-because determination and will power aren't worth a damn if you can't find a job AND daycare.  Her job is only as good as her employers jobs-if they lose a job-so does she.

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