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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 17yo is pretending she's a mom! *update* *update2*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm so confused and don't know what to do. My 17yo DD has always loved babies, always wanted baby dolls for Christmas when she was little, used to help me out with her siblings by choosing outfits or 'helping' me change diapers etc. She also always talked about how much she wants kids of her own, but I guess I didn't realise how much... I borrowed her laptop today. I asked if I could use it, she said yes because she was going to a friends house. Ok, great. I did what I needed to do on there and as I opened up google a chat message popped up in the corner from a name I didn't recognise (and we live in a tiny village, I know everybody) but I didn't click on it until I saw "Answer me! Or is your son...." This confused me, so I opened up the message. From this, I found a link to an account on a mom & baby website, where my DD has set up an account and basically created a whole fake life... It's not her real name but it is her real photo and she's been posting pictures of her baby cousin claiming that he's her son... I don't know what to do or say to her. I know at her age I felt the same way about wanting a child so much, it was all I thought about really. I just have no idea how to handle this. Any advice? Thank you so much.

Thank you all for your advice. I just phoned my DD and asked her to come home. She sounded worried; I haven't told her everything yet, I just told her I wanted to talk to her about something. She'll be back in 15 minutes.

DD and I have spoken. When she got back, she was really nervous. I told her I wanted to talk about something I found on her laptop and showed her the webpage and explained how I ended up on the page. She immediately started crying. I told her that I wasn't angry, I just didn't understand. She told me that ever since she was six she's felt like she should be a mom... And that's all she's ever wanted from life. She wants to go to college too but she wants a child so badly... She assured me she's not actively trying to get pregnant with her BF, that he doesn't want kids yet and doesn't know how much she wants them, but that she's got the implant (she even made me feel, and I know she's not lying). We chatted about how difficult it is to look after a child, she said she didn't really know, and there were a lot of things she hasn't considered... I asked her if she wanted to look after her new baby cousin for the weekend with little help so that's what she's doing next week. However, I did tell her I'm disappointed that she put pictures of him online without permission from her aunt or from me. She agreed to remove the account, and said that she's sorry. I'm not angry with her, I just want the best for her and I don't know whether I should bring up counselling for her... She told me that she often pretends to herself that she's pregnant. I don't know what could cause her to act this way... I've always been there for her, we're really close, her dad's always been around and we've been happily married for over 20 years.... Thank you all for your support and advice.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 7, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:20 PM
I'm going to phone her now and ask her to come home so we can talk.


Quoting Anonymous:

I honestly don't think I would punish her. I would be more concentrated on understanding WHY at the moment.



Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you. I'm not angry at her, I just don't understand... She definitely needs to delete the account and take down the pictures. I don't know if I should punish her or not? Being a mom isn't as easy as she obviously thinks it is.






Quoting Anonymous:

Wow. I would just talk to her, let her know you know, that you're not angry but you need to understand why she's doing this and that pretending to be something you're not isn't right and that she needs to delete the account - her time as a mom will come.


shudderette
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:20 PM
That's kinda weird. I'm not sure what I would do. Really no harm in it, I guess. Better to pretend than it be real. And it'll probably embarrass the poop out of her if you bring it up to her. What an akward situation. I'd probably just pretend I didn't see it.
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PinkieRed
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Does she have a boyfriend? If she does, I'd made good and well sure she's on birth control, before she decides to have a baby for real.

Also, maybe she's just seeking some sort of attention? Does she have close friends? Is she lonely? Maybe she needs something to occupy her free time - part time job, extracurriculars, volunteer work, preparations for college, etc?
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Angeldolphine
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:22 PM

I wouldn't do anything about it. Maybe talk about having kids with her, tell her stories of what it was like and that sort of thing and tell her how having kids changed your life and how. Tell her how it affects your choices, your body and your freedom. At that age, I was pretending my youngest sibling was mine. i did all the care for her nad took her places and got her to call me mama. I don't think that's abnormal, I think it's biological.

Angeldolphine
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Why would you tell her you know of the account? I think that would just make her more careful about hiding things and would shut her down from talking to you at all. Why not just use what you know to talk about having kids and find out why she is doing that? How does deleting the account help?

Quoting Anonymous:

I plan to, I want to show her I know about the account though, we obviously need to sit down and talk


Quoting addiecakesmommy:

Uh...no advice. That's really weird. Delete the account maybe?



Angeldolphine
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:26 PM

fantacy, role play, video games, books..all pretending to be different people. How is this bad? It's a teen "pretend"

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow. I would just talk to her, let her know you know, that you're not angry but you need to understand why she's doing this and that pretending to be something you're not isn't right and that she needs to delete the account - her time as a mom will come.


isaiahsmomma86
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:27 PM

gl with your talk! tell her to not be in such a hurry to grow up so fast! But better a pretend baby than a real one, ya know lol

maureen813
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:29 PM
I would want to understand her feelings and motivation,..is it just fantasy where she has romanticized what it would mean to be an adult and a mother or is there some deeper issues regarding her need to nuture and not having the means to do so. All behavior...or most behavior has a meaning and purpose, your job may be to find this out!!!
ChelseySpelsey
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I did it once. Seriously. When I was 17 and I'd go in AOL chat rooms and pretend to be pregnant just to ask questions. It was pretty comical.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Update us after the talk!
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