Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DONT TELL ME ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS (SUICIDE)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Bil apparently has been really depressed lately and been having suicidal thoughts. How do I know this..? Sil told me he mentioned it to her. Reasons: parents just went through a divorce, older brother and sister moved out of the house and now have kids and lives of their own, gf dumped him after she found out he was with multiple girls, his dad has a new gf, mom drinks and doesn't have time for him, two of his cousins passed away one from a motorcycle accident and the other a suicide by hanging, almost didn't graduate hs he wasn't able to walk across the stage but he still passed. The list goes on and on.

Anyways, I brought up this conversation to his mother (my mil) and she flat out told me its none of my business, if he didn't directly come to me for help I need to keep my nose out of it. She also told me he's really just acting out because he hates his dads new gf. And she left it at that.

I'm sorry but if someone brings it to my attention that someone else might possibly be suicidal, I think the issue needs to be addressed.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:47 AM
Replies (11-20):
Lizardannie1966
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:02 AM

Have you always had a distant relationship with MIL? Has she always attempted to make you feel like an outsider?

I wouldn't have left it at that and I would have said something further to the effect of, "I'm simply concerned and wondering if as a family, if there is anything we can do to help him?"

She sounds aloof and totally unaware of potential problems with her son.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:07 AM
How is this none of my business? It was brought to my attention, my sil is only 16 years old. She turned to me because she's scared for her brother. Couldn't turn to her mom because she knew her mom would say the same thing to her. The fact that my mil is just making excuses so she doesn't have to deal with it is wrong. I'm not going to have something happen to him and it come back on me. People pissed at me because I knew and didn't do anything. This is a serious issue


Quoting Anonymous:

Its not any of your business. Either tell your dh so he can talk to his brother, or stay out of it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:11 AM
He's 18, dh and I are both 21. Dh is the brother that moved out and has a child now and another on the way (with me). He has his own life. Idk if Bil just can't accept the changes in his life or what. I'll talk to dh more about it and call these #s.

Thank you


Quoting Anjlmom32:

How old is he? Are you close to him? 

I really don't know what advise to give you on something so serious, but here are some resources that may help.

1-800-suicide or 1-800-273-talk and someone on the other end will help you with better ideas. Look it up online, I googled crisis hotline number for those numbers. There are many resources available to help in these situations. DO NOT mind your own buisness, he went to her, she came to you. Together, hopefully you can all work through this difficult time. My prayers are with you and you BIL.



Sunshine257
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:16 AM
Mil sounds like a cold woman. Maybe you can talk to bil.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:18 AM
We were always pretty close until the divorce was final. Dh is closer to his dad so we spend more time with him. She took it as I chose a side and it was the wrong side. But she still has the same relationship with my dh. She is very self centered and I think that has a lot to do with it. Also she drinks and I'm afraid that's causing poor judgement when its concerning her children


Quoting Lizardannie1966:

Have you always had a distant relationship with MIL? Has she always attempted to make you feel like an outsider?

I wouldn't have left it at that and I would have said something further to the effect of, "I'm simply concerned and wondering if as a family, if there is anything we can do to help him?"

She sounds aloof and totally unaware of potential problems with her son.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:23 AM
Bil won't talk to me. He lived with us for a few weeks during the summer when his dad kicked him out. (another story). Well it didn't work out at all. Dh was away at work for two weeks. So it was just me, my 15 month old daughter and bil. He wouldn't listen to the rules, and caused problems. After that he hardly talks to me at all. I think in his eyes I made his brother (my dh) chose us over him.


Quoting Sunshine257:

Mil sounds like a cold woman. Maybe you can talk to bil.

DCR1
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:36 AM

Its sad, but when an individual is addicted to any type  aphrodisiac,it alters one's personality and if they had none before its made worse, and makes for one uncaring nasty individual who only thinks of themselves, and when another indivdual INNOCENTLY points out one or any  more of their flaws, that individual snaps. The flaw you pointed out was in you knowing more about what's going on inside of her child than she, ( her son) and the fact that rather than go to her own mother for something as deep as this, her daughter chose to come to you, now  this in turn made her question herself as to why, and then become angry with embarresment   because just as quickly she found two answers, one she's not handling the divorce, she's throwing it on her children including her rants and drunken tears about it, most likely she's ranting about the new girlfriend to them, and most likely she's rip tearing and belittling the father to them. one can tell this simply from the way you described them and the family dynamics, they couldn't go to the eldest brother, who ran from the atmosphere and made himself unavailable.   In laws, they are an extension of your family through marriage, therefore that makes them family not random outsiders, nor does it make you a random outsider. it makes you family therefore it is your business. For starters, a 16 year old child came to you with a serious problem, you being the one adult she hoped could count on to help, you did everything correct, you weren't supposed to run, or take the cowards way out and turn your head away saying oh well., too many times has this been done and the individuals thoughts were carried out, ithink personally the parents need to step up to the plate,  put the child into crisis and start family all around the 16 year included, because she's been obviously having to carry every one's mental baggage for far too long, as well as the mother needs to learn that is who she is and yes divorce hurts, now put the bottle down get your back up and move on and stop expecting your children to care for you which apparently is what she's been doing. I personally see nothing wrong with you bringing everything to your husbands attention, suggest you and he invite the young lady and gentleman to your home for dinner at an earlier enough hour so you all can get comfortable and your husband can take the lead in finding out exactly what's been going on, and letting them know they can open up to the two of you, don't be pushy, have your sister in law help you do the dishes while you brother tries to fetter out what is going on with his brother, now it may take more than one dinner to save a life, but you seem caring enough. and family doesn't just mean by birthing standards, there's a quote when you marry a man you marry his whole family, and when you marry a women you marry her whole family. Let me tell you something, that young lady needs you regardless of what anyone might say, to her you represent hope, change, and saving the life of her brothe., if she came to you then the threats are very real, do over and beyong what you can do be strong ask me question at anytime or if you just need to talk i'm here., but don't stop caring!  

brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM

His mother sucks.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:39 AM

My friends  mother had the same it's none of your buisness mentality.  She did not even tell their chilren (they are all grown) that he told her he was going to kill himself.  He did the next day.  Had she had told someone and not brushed it off it is possible that he would still be alive.

Katrina316
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:40 AM
Wtf...who are. Oh I know...a cold hearted bitch. It is her business because she knows about it. What if he does kill himself, who's fault would it? Op is a good person for being so concerned.


Quoting Anonymous:

Its not any of your business. Either tell your dh so he can talk to his brother, or stay out of it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured