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DONT TELL ME ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS (SUICIDE)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Bil apparently has been really depressed lately and been having suicidal thoughts. How do I know this..? Sil told me he mentioned it to her. Reasons: parents just went through a divorce, older brother and sister moved out of the house and now have kids and lives of their own, gf dumped him after she found out he was with multiple girls, his dad has a new gf, mom drinks and doesn't have time for him, two of his cousins passed away one from a motorcycle accident and the other a suicide by hanging, almost didn't graduate hs he wasn't able to walk across the stage but he still passed. The list goes on and on.

Anyways, I brought up this conversation to his mother (my mil) and she flat out told me its none of my business, if he didn't directly come to me for help I need to keep my nose out of it. She also told me he's really just acting out because he hates his dads new gf. And she left it at that.

I'm sorry but if someone brings it to my attention that someone else might possibly be suicidal, I think the issue needs to be addressed.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:47 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:01 PM
Thank you! With his cousin who commited suicide, some family members knew about it but never said anything. It ended up tearing their family apart. My mil also knew about his cousin and after the fact she would go on saying if he only would have come to her. That's what I don't understand... She says he would have helped out but when it has to deal with her own son, she wants nothing to do with it.


Quoting 3Dani75:

I agree with you 110%...if he were to follow through on the suicide & they found out you knew & didn't say anything it would affect your marriage, family, etc... you're trying to help not be nosy, keep following through til he gets the help he needs!!!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:05 PM
Yes I'm trying be there for him. It's not like I'm going around telling his friends and distant relatives to give his family a bad name or anything. I'm just trying to bring it to his mothers attention so she can get him help. But I now know she is no help so I have to try a different approach.


Quoting Meghan6391:

My bil took 4 boxes of excedrin pm and my fil found him right on the edge of death and rushed him to the er where they pumped his stomach and everything he was in the psych hospital for 3 weeks on watch and my husband was told by his mom not to tell me a word bc i don't know what its like and shit like that. If you feel like you need to be there for him then do so. He is your bil and he needs someone who won't judge him

jessecutez
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:09 PM
Is she one of those idiots that don't believe in depression, or mental illness? This guy needs help quick ! Good luck! I would have dh talk to him directly.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Meghan6391
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:13 PM
Go to him, talk to him. I lost my first love last year to suicide. It is a pain i would never wish on anyone. Don't hesitate if you do it could be too late. Good luck if you want you can pm me


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I'm trying be there for him. It's not like I'm going around telling his friends and distant relatives to give his family a bad name or anything. I'm just trying to bring it to his mothers attention so she can get him help. But I now know she is no help so I have to try a different approach.




Quoting Meghan6391:

My bil took 4 boxes of excedrin pm and my fil found him right on the edge of death and rushed him to the er where they pumped his stomach and everything he was in the psych hospital for 3 weeks on watch and my husband was told by his mom not to tell me a word bc i don't know what its like and shit like that. If you feel like you need to be there for him then do so. He is your bil and he needs someone who won't judge him


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momswag
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:30 PM
It isn't a point of view, it is how things are.

Of course you want to "help" him but realize that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Do what you feel is right but please remember that if he doesn't want help and this is what he wants, it is what he'll do.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's just your point of view I guess. I'm not going to stand on the side and watch this poor kid go through this begging for a way out. If you wanna do that, that's your choice. In the end if he ends up commiting suicide fine that's the life he wanted, but he's 18 and doesn't even know what else is out there. Getting him help... How does that make things worse for him? I think it can only help and if it doesn't well I know I tried where his own mother wouldn't.




Quoting momswag:

You are wrong. Many who are suicidal discuss their thoughts or plans with others. It's almost never a cry for help, it's a way to prepare (usually their closest family/friend) for their death. It's a way of tying loose ends. Also, talking about it makes doing it more real. You cannot believe that if he was going to do it, he just would. There are suicide cases like that, but few.





Maybe he realizes that he just doesn't want to live. Again him commiting suicide has nothing to do with YOU or anyone else. It's personal.





If you choose to talk to him and he does commit suicide you may hold as much guilt as you would had he done it without you talking to him.





Suicide is a personal matter, just like cutting or picking. It is something the person feels they have to do to be happy or stop the pain.






Quoting Anonymous:

He reached out to his sister. If someone is bring it up, I think that's a cry for help. She's a 16 year old girl that was just told by her brother that he was thinking about killing himself. If he wasn't asking for help he would have just kept it to himself.







Why does he feel this way? Idk. Maybe he feels there is no way out or no one cares about him. I'm not going to prove his point by keeping my mouth shut.








Quoting momswag:

Suicide has nothing to do with you or any one else.









Suicide is a personal choice.









MIL is right, stay out of it.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kiriis
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:38 PM
I know how it feels to lose a brother to suicide because no one in his "real" family cared enough to do anything. Be happy you got this warning. You and your family are in my thoughts. Good luck.


Quoting Anonymous:

He's 18, dh and I are both 21. Dh is the brother that moved out and has a child now and another on the way (with me). He has his own life. Idk if Bil just can't accept the changes in his life or what. I'll talk to dh more about it and call these #s.



Thank you




Quoting Anjlmom32:

How old is he? Are you close to him? 

I really don't know what advise to give you on something so serious, but here are some resources that may help.

1-800-suicide or 1-800-273-talk and someone on the other end will help you with better ideas. Look it up online, I googled crisis hotline number for those numbers. There are many resources available to help in these situations. DO NOT mind your own buisness, he went to her, she came to you. Together, hopefully you can all work through this difficult time. My prayers are with you and you BIL.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:52 PM
Thanks, and Im beginning to think so. Her daughter had a miscarriage and she told her to get over it. Hurry up and get pregnant so it won't mater. I don't understand her thought process


Quoting jessecutez:

Is she one of those idiots that don't believe in depression, or mental illness? This guy needs help quick ! Good luck! I would have dh talk to him directly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:55 PM
Thank you, I talked to his aunt on the phone today. She feels the same way as I do. Hopefully now things will start looking up for him. I know its not gonna happen over night, but at least were in a step towards the right direction.


Quoting Meghan6391:

Go to him, talk to him. I lost my first love last year to suicide. It is a pain i would never wish on anyone. Don't hesitate if you do it could be too late. Good luck if you want you can pm me




Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I'm trying be there for him. It's not like I'm going around telling his friends and distant relatives to give his family a bad name or anything. I'm just trying to bring it to his mothers attention so she can get him help. But I now know she is no help so I have to try a different approach.






Quoting Meghan6391:

My bil took 4 boxes of excedrin pm and my fil found him right on the edge of death and rushed him to the er where they pumped his stomach and everything he was in the psych hospital for 3 weeks on watch and my husband was told by his mom not to tell me a word bc i don't know what its like and shit like that. If you feel like you need to be there for him then do so. He is your bil and he needs someone who won't judge him



Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:57 PM

sounds like she is in denial,I would rather help and be known as a nosey person thna him really do something and live with regrets

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:57 PM
Yes I understand if its gonna happen its gonna happen. I just think that giving him some kind of help and support could make a difference. If not at least I know I tired and not ignored it and just let it happen.


Quoting momswag:

It isn't a point of view, it is how things are.



Of course you want to "help" him but realize that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.



Do what you feel is right but please remember that if he doesn't want help and this is what he wants, it is what he'll do.




Quoting Anonymous:

That's just your point of view I guess. I'm not going to stand on the side and watch this poor kid go through this begging for a way out. If you wanna do that, that's your choice. In the end if he ends up commiting suicide fine that's the life he wanted, but he's 18 and doesn't even know what else is out there. Getting him help... How does that make things worse for him? I think it can only help and if it doesn't well I know I tried where his own mother wouldn't.






Quoting momswag:

You are wrong. Many who are suicidal discuss their thoughts or plans with others. It's almost never a cry for help, it's a way to prepare (usually their closest family/friend) for their death. It's a way of tying loose ends. Also, talking about it makes doing it more real. You cannot believe that if he was going to do it, he just would. There are suicide cases like that, but few.







Maybe he realizes that he just doesn't want to live. Again him commiting suicide has nothing to do with YOU or anyone else. It's personal.







If you choose to talk to him and he does commit suicide you may hold as much guilt as you would had he done it without you talking to him.







Suicide is a personal matter, just like cutting or picking. It is something the person feels they have to do to be happy or stop the pain.








Quoting Anonymous:

He reached out to his sister. If someone is bring it up, I think that's a cry for help. She's a 16 year old girl that was just told by her brother that he was thinking about killing himself. If he wasn't asking for help he would have just kept it to himself.









Why does he feel this way? Idk. Maybe he feels there is no way out or no one cares about him. I'm not going to prove his point by keeping my mouth shut.










Quoting momswag:

Suicide has nothing to do with you or any one else.











Suicide is a personal choice.











MIL is right, stay out of it.



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