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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I lost my s*** on him this morning. *edit*

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My 9 yo stepson. He usually has an attitude, he talks to everyone like they're a piece of shit...including me and his dad. He has issues with this in school as well. He can be the greatest kid when he wants to be, and usually I can handle his mouth. I'm generally a patient person. This morning, though, he just woke up with it. He didn't understand why he had to take a shower every morning. He started arguing and whining about it. Later, I heard him yell at my son and call him a dumb retard. So, I asked SS what happened. He said "Nothing!" and I said, "I heard you yell at him and call him a mean name, what was it about?" And he kept waking and ignoring me. So I said, "Hey, I'm asking you something." At this point his dad heard and told him he needed to turn his tail around and answer me, don't keep walking and ignore me. DS had gotten into something in their room that belonged to SS. But at that point, I was so angry with SS and the way he treats me and everyone around him, I freaked. I yelled at him and told him I was so tired of the way he treats everyone. I don't even remember what all else I said, I just totally lost my patience. This means that all day, he'll be mad and he won't behave at school, he'll talk back to his teacher and yell at the other students if they bother him. He was already grounded yesterday for getting mad at his teacher and going and taking something off her desk and throwing it away. I also made sure I said something to DS about messing with things that don't belong to him and that he knew this already. Anyway, I feel bad now, like I set SS up for a bad day from the start. I just reached a snapping point...which, believe me, everyone reaches with him. Everyone loses their patience with him sooner or later...usually sooner. That doesn't mean I should, though. I think I'm going to call him at school and tell him I love him and that we'll try to have a better day when he gets home.

***Ok, I won't call him at school, jeeez. I feel bad when I lose my patience with any of the kids. As far as him being allowed to act that way, we are very consistent with punishments. He is not allowed to talk to anyone that way or act that way to people and he does get in trouble for it...just not with me screaming at him on the other end. Usually, I just punish him and stay calm no matter what...and the more his mouth runs, the heavier the punishment gets until he stops. I just feel bad when I yell at the kids.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
MomsJrHaxs
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM

Please tell me your kidding about calling. That just erases everything you said this morning and allows him to keep treating people this way. I would make a list of the way he acts and the things he has done and go over it with him. Tell him this behavior is no longer tolerable and and his consequences are going to become a lot more severe. You need to NIP THIS IN THE BUD!!!! My boy is 10 and when he even starts to get mouthy I just have to give him a look and he backs down ASAP. btw, I've never had to hit my kids and never would, because I take away their currency, AKA, what's most important to them, then stick by it, and be CONSISTENT!

AmyJeremyx11
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM


Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Sounds like your reaction was long overdue.  Does he have ADHD or something along those lines? 


He's gotten that reaction before from several people. It's like the words just bounce off his head. He never understands what he's doing and he'll swear up and down he didn't yell or he didn't say something with that horrible attitude. I honestly think he doesn't hear himself doing it half the time. He doesn't have ADHD, he has an anxiety disorder. They haven't said whether or not he's OCD yet, he's very particular about his things and who touches them and the placement of them. His desk at school is always the neatest, his stuff in his room is always stacked up neatly, and if it's not it's because he has it just how he wants it. But there are no rituals or repetition to what he does. He's extremely high strung. He's also extremely defensive. He can't handle it if you say anything to him about anything he's done wrong, he will fight you to the death about how he didn't do anything. Not like a regular kid trying to get out of trouble, he does it even if he's not in trouble. Like, something simple...if he leaves his towel on the floor and I politely remind him to please hang it up, he'll stomp off and yell, "I JUST FORGOT!" Sometimes he'll catch himself doing it and stop, so I know he's getting better...up until recently it was like he had no control of himself at all. He also will slam himself against the wall or his whole body will stiffen up and he'll clinch his jaw when he really gets upset. He doesn't take medication...I think he needs to, but so far they're trying to give him ways to deal with it when he feels that way. We figured out ways of punishing him that doesn't make things escalate...it took some time, because for the longest he would have a complete meltdown if he was punished.

RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:22 AM

I understand that he has a disorder, and for a child that can't be easy.  But do not call the school and apologize.  I think that will set you back 10 steps.  He has to learn control and acceptable behavior, disorder or not.  One day he will have to be out in regular society and his attitude won't be tolerated or forgiven just because he has a disorder.  Sounds like he is just unruly because he can and feels that there will be no reprecussions.  Good luck sweetie, but don't go back on your reaction this AM and call him and apologize. 

Quoting AmyJeremyx11:


Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Sounds like your reaction was long overdue.  Does he have ADHD or something along those lines? 


He's gotten that reaction before from several people. It's like the words just bounce off his head. He never understands what he's doing and he'll swear up and down he didn't yell or he didn't say something with that horrible attitude. I honestly think he doesn't hear himself doing it half the time. He doesn't have ADHD, he has an anxiety disorder. They haven't said whether or not he's OCD yet, he's very particular about his things and who touches them and the placement of them. His desk at school is always the neatest, his stuff in his room is always stacked up neatly, and if it's not it's because he has it just how he wants it. But there are no rituals or repetition to what he does. He's extremely high strung. He's also extremely defensive. He can't handle it if you say anything to him about anything he's done wrong, he will fight you to the death about how he didn't do anything. Not like a regular kid trying to get out of trouble, he does it even if he's not in trouble. Like, something simple...if he leaves his towel on the floor and I politely remind him to please hang it up, he'll stomp off and yell, "I JUST FORGOT!" Sometimes he'll catch himself doing it and stop, so I know he's getting better...up until recently it was like he had no control of himself at all. He also will slam himself against the wall or his whole body will stiffen up and he'll clinch his jaw when he really gets upset. He doesn't take medication...I think he needs to, but so far they're trying to give him ways to deal with it when he feels that way. We figured out ways of punishing him that doesn't make things escalate...it took some time, because for the longest he would have a complete meltdown if he was punished.


Sunshine257
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Don't call him at school..just let it be he probably needed you to flip out on him. Like another poster said it was long overdue.
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AmyJeremyx11
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:25 AM


Quoting MomsJrHaxs:

Please tell me your kidding about calling. That just erases everything you said this morning and allows him to keep treating people this way. I would make a list of the way he acts and the things he has done and go over it with him. Tell him this behavior is no longer tolerable and and his consequences are going to become a lot more severe. You need to NIP THIS IN THE BUD!!!! My boy is 10 and when he even starts to get mouthy I just have to give him a look and he backs down ASAP. btw, I've never had to hit my kids because I take away their currency, AKA, what's most important to them, then stick by it, and be CONSISTENT!

We're consistent. He loses his tv/video game time. He spends weekends grounded...his best friend is our neighbor, so he doesn't get to go over there. We make him write from the phone book. We make him write apology letters to people when he's been a brat to them. He has some issues we're trying to work through. And I feel bad when I lose my patience with any of the kids. I don't apologize, really...I tell them I shouldn't have lost my patience that way, but I meant what I said. I don't want him to have a horrible day at school and then come home being a butt to the rest of the kids. But, you're probably right, all he'll hear is that I shouldn't have lost my patience and not that what I said still stands.

UgtaBkdnMe
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:25 AM

We've all done it. I hate that guilty feeling, he'll be ok you didn't break him :)

MonicaAnne
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:25 AM
This exactly! I'm still learning to have alot of patience with DS. He is ADHD too and sometimes he just has a off day like the rest of up.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have those moments too with my son. He has ADHD. Everyone has a breaking point. I always feel so bad afterwards. I always talk to my son and explain in detail so he understands what happened and I appologize for yelling. You are human. (( hugs ))
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mybabybugssmile
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:30 AM
You want to call him at school....cuz his bratty ass might have a bad day and you think its your fault....*facepalm* ....No wonder hes a disrespectful little shit.
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AmyJeremyx11
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:30 AM


Quoting armywife0424:

I think that your ss needs a good ass whooping. I never would of thought of treating my parents that way. You and your dh deserve respect as the parents espicially from a 9 year old. Yes you lost your patience but I don't think you set him up for a bad day he needs to learn things don't always go his way and he needs to adjust and move on. Good luck.

He has received a gracious plenty of ass whoopings. I'm not a spanker, really, but his dad is. His acting this way isn't a discipline issue, he is punished in a variety of ways. I always feel bad when I lose my patience. I'm a big softy, honestly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:33 AM
I know it's not funny but your response made me chuckle. I'm not sure what the problem could be. Have you taken him to the dr? I really hope things get better. I know from by brothers behavior growing up that it effects the whole household. He was diagnosed with bi polar.
Quoting AmyJeremyx11:



Quoting armywife0424:

I think that your ss needs a good ass whooping. I never would of thought of treating my parents that way. You and your dh deserve respect as the parents espicially from a 9 year old. Yes you lost your patience but I don't think you set him up for a bad day he needs to learn things don't always go his way and he needs to adjust and move on. Good luck.

He has received a gracious plenty of ass whoopings. I'm not a spanker, really, but his dad is. His acting this way isn't a discipline issue, he is punished in a variety of ways. I always feel bad when I lose my patience. I'm a big softy, honestly.

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