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Someone help me figure out how to deal with this politely, before I have to slap a birch.

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As some of you may remember we have a new neighbor. I started off relations with her by introducing myself, and then advising her that my husband has Asperger's and that sometimes he "melts down". He's never violent, but he yells. Loudly. 

She said she used to be a nurse, and that she understood perfectly. 

Her first weekend here she invited my son and me to come outside and play with her and her granddaughter. She was nice enough, but made several comments which got under my skin. Very condescending, holier than thou comments, including telling my son "These kids don't know what Angry Birds is, these are kids that play outside." 

A few days later some things happened early in the morning which caused my husband and I to have an argument. We were loud and inconsiderate at a very early hour, and I can fully understand her being pissed that we woke her up. But she called our house, and when I apologized to her she asked me three different times if I needed her to "call the police for" me. I told her no, thank you for your concern. We're loud, but not violent. I apologized again, and husband and I cooled down. 

Since then we've done everything we can to be polite and friendly with her.

Sunday night, my roommate and I got into a minor argument because of the fucking dog that his daughter brought home. There was yelling and cussing. At 8pm for about 5-7 minutes. Then we were done. Laughing and smiling after that.

The bitch called the police on us.

The police came and asked if everything was ok. We told them what was going on, and even the cop rolled his eyes that she called. 

Yesterday I was standing on my porch allowing my son to go into our backyard to get his backpack. I was watching him, and I saw that she came pulling (like a bat out of hell) into our driveway. So I called out for the Boy to stop where he was and wait for her to park. She saw him, and pulled back OUT of the driveway, after she had already parked. Then she signalled for him to come across, so he did. He waited for her to park and when she got out he thanked her for letting him cross. 

She said "Oh, I would never ever ever EVER hurt you! I'm keeping an EYE OUT for you. And it's my JOB to protect you and keep you safe." 

She said a few other things, but they were all along the same lines. All the time she's glaring up at me on my porch.

No bitch, it's not your job to keep my son safe. You're a motherfucking STRANGER. We've known you for all of 2 weeks. It's MY JOB to keep my son safe, and it's your job to keep your nose out of my motherfucking business. <~~~ This is what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I was sweet and I called out "thank you" and she ignored me and walked into the house. 

The dog is out of our home now, and that is going to greatly diminsh the stress we've all been under. But I do not want to live somewhere where this woman is going to call the police whenever someone says fuck a little too loud for her liking.

Someone tell me how to deal with her politely, but still draw the line, especially when it comes to my son? 

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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:42 AM
Replies (141-150):
AnnieMcD
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:18 PM

Well then, you'd be arrested for assault wouldn't you? LMAO at you encouraging physical violence, and calling me a child, in the same damn breath. 

Quoting Anonymous:

If I were her, I'd slap you.You are guys are completely disrespectful to your neighbors. I'd call the cops too. Maybe then you all would learn how to behave as adults?


Whether you're pagan or not, you'll love all of the cool recipes, crafts, and coloring pages in this group! Join Us! And don't forget to say I sent you! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:20 PM

I was referencing your title, smart one.

Quoting AnnieMcD:

Well then, you'd be arrested for assault wouldn't you? LMAO at you encouraging physical violence, and calling me a child, in the same damn breath. 

Quoting Anonymous:

If I were her, I'd slap you.You are guys are completely disrespectful to your neighbors. I'd call the cops too. Maybe then you all would learn how to behave as adults?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

next time she says something snarky and condescending-smile sweetly and say VERY LOUDLY "Thank you, It is SO nice to have someone SO NOSY sticking it where it doesn't belong!"  My guess is the she will be embarrassed by what the neighbors will think of her.

Quoting AnnieMcD:

Oh, I agree too. I can completely see where she's coming from. My big issue is her remarks to my son. As for her being pissed at us yelling at 7am, yeah, I would have been super pissed too, so I get that. But calling the police after a 5 minute argument? Telling my son that it's her job to keep him safe and that she's "keeping an eye out for him" ... IDK, it just rubs me the wrong way. 

Quoting rgba:

Annie, I've always liked you here on CM, but I have to agree.
Put yourself in her shoes; why is anyone yelling and cursing loud enough to wake the neighbors so early?

I do think she overreacted. But if you are looking for the best course of action, try to stop yelling. It sounds like your husband can't help it. But you can...


Quoting Anonymous:

Your home is full of people screaming at one another, aspergers or not, it's unacceptable. She's scared for the kids, make the fighting/yelling/screaming stop and the police won't have to be called. Obviously I don't know you personally but the entire post is filled with stories of the people in your home freaking out and swearing/screaming at one another. If the kids are there to see/hear this, I completely get why she's concerned. It probably sounds like you're being abused on her side of the wall.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Op was in her home not in public. She can swear all she wants. Also ops neighbor is just being a bitch oh no two arguements in two weeks. Let's call the cops.

Quoting msjaxon:

Congrats.... Freedom of speech doesn't give complete autonomy. You can't use free speech to harass others, yell fire in a public place, make threats, incite others to violence. Shameful how many adults need a simple civics lesson.



Quoting Anonymous:

Freedom of speech lady.





Quoting msjaxon:

Please link me to this bill of rights you are getting your information from. "land of the free" doesn't give us complete autonomy.







Have an argument live dysfunctionally all you want but the moment your problems extends beyond the walls of your home and disturbs others people can, should, and will call authorites.








Quoting Anonymous:

Screaming couples.... Goes under agruements... If they want to swear that is their business and their right.









Quoting msjaxon:

In which part of Iraq do you live?











I've lived in apartments for 10 years, including side by side duplex where when they walked down the stairs it sounded like someone was walking down my stairs. I've lived in up and down 2 family unit, high rise apartment complex, and the list goes on. Nope not once have I been woken up by screaming couples.... Crying babies, barking dogs, an alarm clock that wasn't mine, the sound of a vacuum, people walking overhead... Those are apartment noises..... Regular Foul mouth arguments not normal....












Quoting MusicMuse1991:

ffs it's obvious people don't know how to read

annie, the bitch lives right below you. if she can't handle the noise that comes with apartment living, she needs a new place.

OliviasMommy611
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:39 PM
How is yelling ever acceptable? It is not acceptable in my home nor at my job. I can't imagine getting angry and yelling at a patient or my child. I feel like as an adult I can communicate effectively without raising my voice or cursing at someone. Do you feel that it's the only way you are heard?

Quoting AnnieMcD:

Yelling may not be appropriate, but it is acceptable. I understand our part in the problem, and I don't deny it, but she's way overreacting. 

Quoting OliviasMommy611:

I don't blame the lady. Yelling isn't acceptable and the problem sounds like you not her.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AnnieMcD
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:42 PM

I'm not generally the one yelling. Sometimes I do, but that simply means I'm human. We're working on the yelling thing, but it's not "unacceptable" it's just "inappropriate" ... 

Quoting OliviasMommy611:

How is yelling ever acceptable? It is not acceptable in my home nor at my job. I can't imagine getting angry and yelling at a patient or my child. I feel like as an adult I can communicate effectively without raising my voice or cursing at someone. Do you feel that it's the only way you are heard?

Quoting AnnieMcD:

Yelling may not be appropriate, but it is acceptable. I understand our part in the problem, and I don't deny it, but she's way overreacting. 

Quoting OliviasMommy611:

I don't blame the lady. Yelling isn't acceptable and the problem sounds like you not her.



Whether you're pagan or not, you'll love all of the cool recipes, crafts, and coloring pages in this group! Join Us! And don't forget to say I sent you! 

2love
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:45 PM
You're kids are going to be so dysfunctional with all that yelling and cursing going on.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

quick question, why did your son have to cross her driveway to get into your back yard?

as for the yelling, I've been there. I even cuss at traffic if it pisses me off. tell you neighbour that she needs to be more respectful and needs to quit jumping to conclusions before she finds out the facts.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 23 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:50 PM

I'm sure she think you guys are "ghetto", fight a lot, and she is concerned for your child. Screaming matches, much less two in the span of a few weeks, aren't a normal occurrence for any neighbors I've had. I'd feel worried for the children too.

Regardless nothing that you can say is likely to change her opinion, and is probably more likely to escalate the situation. Keep to yourself, don't go making scenes, and she'll move on to something else to worry about.

AnnieMcD
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:50 PM

Yes. I understand that, that's why we're working on changing things. 

Quoting 2love:

You're kids are going to be so dysfunctional with all that yelling and cursing going on.


Whether you're pagan or not, you'll love all of the cool recipes, crafts, and coloring pages in this group! Join Us! And don't forget to say I sent you! 

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