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Someone help me figure out how to deal with this politely, before I have to slap a birch.

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As some of you may remember we have a new neighbor. I started off relations with her by introducing myself, and then advising her that my husband has Asperger's and that sometimes he "melts down". He's never violent, but he yells. Loudly. 

She said she used to be a nurse, and that she understood perfectly. 

Her first weekend here she invited my son and me to come outside and play with her and her granddaughter. She was nice enough, but made several comments which got under my skin. Very condescending, holier than thou comments, including telling my son "These kids don't know what Angry Birds is, these are kids that play outside." 

A few days later some things happened early in the morning which caused my husband and I to have an argument. We were loud and inconsiderate at a very early hour, and I can fully understand her being pissed that we woke her up. But she called our house, and when I apologized to her she asked me three different times if I needed her to "call the police for" me. I told her no, thank you for your concern. We're loud, but not violent. I apologized again, and husband and I cooled down. 

Since then we've done everything we can to be polite and friendly with her.

Sunday night, my roommate and I got into a minor argument because of the fucking dog that his daughter brought home. There was yelling and cussing. At 8pm for about 5-7 minutes. Then we were done. Laughing and smiling after that.

The bitch called the police on us.

The police came and asked if everything was ok. We told them what was going on, and even the cop rolled his eyes that she called. 

Yesterday I was standing on my porch allowing my son to go into our backyard to get his backpack. I was watching him, and I saw that she came pulling (like a bat out of hell) into our driveway. So I called out for the Boy to stop where he was and wait for her to park. She saw him, and pulled back OUT of the driveway, after she had already parked. Then she signalled for him to come across, so he did. He waited for her to park and when she got out he thanked her for letting him cross. 

She said "Oh, I would never ever ever EVER hurt you! I'm keeping an EYE OUT for you. And it's my JOB to protect you and keep you safe." 

She said a few other things, but they were all along the same lines. All the time she's glaring up at me on my porch.

No bitch, it's not your job to keep my son safe. You're a motherfucking STRANGER. We've known you for all of 2 weeks. It's MY JOB to keep my son safe, and it's your job to keep your nose out of my motherfucking business. <~~~ This is what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I was sweet and I called out "thank you" and she ignored me and walked into the house. 

The dog is out of our home now, and that is going to greatly diminsh the stress we've all been under. But I do not want to live somewhere where this woman is going to call the police whenever someone says fuck a little too loud for her liking.

Someone tell me how to deal with her politely, but still draw the line, especially when it comes to my son? 

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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:42 AM
Replies (161-170):
msjaxon
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:44 PM
But her voice isn't. Being in your home once again does not give you complete autonomy to do as you wish. You yell, you play your music too loudly, your dog barks incessantly... All of these you can be cited for noise pollution... I'm happy to educate you today since your high school civics or government class obviously failed you terribly.

Quoting Anonymous:

Op was in her home not in public. She can swear all she wants. Also ops neighbor is just being a bitch oh no two arguements in two weeks. Let's call the cops.



Quoting msjaxon:

Congrats.... Freedom of speech doesn't give complete autonomy. You can't use free speech to harass others, yell fire in a public place, make threats, incite others to violence. Shameful how many adults need a simple civics lesson.





Quoting Anonymous:

Freedom of speech lady.







Quoting msjaxon:

Please link me to this bill of rights you are getting your information from. "land of the free" doesn't give us complete autonomy.









Have an argument live dysfunctionally all you want but the moment your problems extends beyond the walls of your home and disturbs others people can, should, and will call authorites.










Quoting Anonymous:

Screaming couples.... Goes under agruements... If they want to swear that is their business and their right.











Quoting msjaxon:

In which part of Iraq do you live?













I've lived in apartments for 10 years, including side by side duplex where when they walked down the stairs it sounded like someone was walking down my stairs. I've lived in up and down 2 family unit, high rise apartment complex, and the list goes on. Nope not once have I been woken up by screaming couples.... Crying babies, barking dogs, an alarm clock that wasn't mine, the sound of a vacuum, people walking overhead... Those are apartment noises..... Regular Foul mouth arguments not normal....














Quoting MusicMuse1991:

ffs it's obvious people don't know how to read

annie, the bitch lives right below you. if she can't handle the noise that comes with apartment living, she needs a new place.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 26 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:05 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Your home is full of people screaming at one another, aspergers or not, it's unacceptable. She's scared for the kids, make the fighting/yelling/screaming stop and the police won't have to be called. Obviously I don't know you personally but the entire post is filled with stories of the people in your home freaking out and swearing/screaming at one another. If the kids are there to see/hear this, I completely get why she's concerned. It probably sounds like you're being abused on her side of the wall.

 Yes, I agree

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:13 PM
1 mom liked this

All right, try to look at it from her perspective for a second.   She has just moved in next to the super-loud screaming family who have outbursts at all hours.    Apparently there are assorted others living there also, because you mention a roommate.  Screaming and cursing occurs regularly.  I don't know what that business is about the dog being out of your home now, because you didn't explain it (unless you have edited somewhere), but obviously this was another loud problem.

You are irrationally taking a few comments she made and building a case against her.  The kids not knowing about Angry Birds because they play outside and not on screens is not uncommon from a Grandmother.  Telling little ones that you watch out for them because it is your job (as an adult) is not a bad thing.  

Why don't you just be a little more considerate of your neighbors, or move out to the country where you can't wake the whole neighborhood at 6 a.m?

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:23 PM


Quoting msjaxon:

Have an argument live dysfunctionally all you want but the moment your problems extends beyond the walls of your home and disturbs others people can, should, and will call authorites.

 

Exactly.  Your rights end at your property line.  If you are disturbing others beyond your boundaries on a regular basis, you are going to encounter the law in one form or another.  If you are tenants, you may be evicted.  Stop blaming others for situations you cause.

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:31 PM
She's a busy body and she has the bit in her teeth on this one. But you gave her the motivation. Let her snide comments go, keep it quiet for a few weeks then gauge her actions. It should get better and you can write it off as a rocky start. But don't dismiss her too early she sounds like the type who will be more help than she is a pain later on.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 16 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Bump
rissamom224
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 PM
I wouldn't listen to that. I have a very loud home as well weather I'm laughing and playing or fighting an arguing! But in the end we are a very happy home lots of love and compassion! Some people or families are just loud!
But as for this lady she sounds nuts, I don't think theirs any "nice" way to handle it. Your going to have to put her in her place even if you do it with class you need to tell her "I am the women and mother of this home, telling my son you are here to protect him is out of line and frankly makes you look crazy. You don't know my family stop judging us and if you keep over stepping your boundaries ill do what I have to put you in your place."

If she still acts like a nutbag go to the court house and get a protection order! She sounds crazy I wouldn't let her "talk" to my kid at all.


Quoting AnnieMcD:

 I get what you're saying, and we have discussed this fully in our home. Husband hasn't broken down even once since the first morning she called us, and I spoke to roomie last night and told him that's unacceptable behavior for anyone in our home.


However, she doesn't know us. We had a couple of bad weeks. We have been loud twice, once was for less than 10 minutes. It's not like we were screaming for 10 hours in the middle of the night.


Quoting Anonymous:


Your home is full of people screaming at one another, aspergers or not, it's unacceptable. She's scared for the kids, make the fighting/yelling/screaming stop and the police won't have to be called. Obviously I don't know you personally but the entire post is filled with stories of the people in your home freaking out and swearing/screaming at one another. If the kids are there to see/hear this, I completely get why she's concerned. It probably sounds like you're being abused on her side of the wall.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rissamom224
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 PM
I wouldn't listen to that. I have a very loud home as well weather I'm laughing and playing or fighting an arguing! But in the end we are a very happy home lots of love and compassion! Some people or families are just loud!
But as for this lady she sounds nuts, I don't think theirs any "nice" way to handle it. Your going to have to put her in her place even if you do it with class you need to tell her "I am the women and mother of this home, telling my son you are here to protect him is out of line and frankly makes you look crazy. You don't know my family stop judging us and if you keep over stepping your boundaries ill do what I have to put you in your place."

If she still acts like a nutbag go to the court house and get a protection order! She sounds crazy I wouldn't let her "talk" to my kid at all.


Quoting AnnieMcD:

 I get what you're saying, and we have discussed this fully in our home. Husband hasn't broken down even once since the first morning she called us, and I spoke to roomie last night and told him that's unacceptable behavior for anyone in our home.


However, she doesn't know us. We had a couple of bad weeks. We have been loud twice, once was for less than 10 minutes. It's not like we were screaming for 10 hours in the middle of the night.


Quoting Anonymous:


Your home is full of people screaming at one another, aspergers or not, it's unacceptable. She's scared for the kids, make the fighting/yelling/screaming stop and the police won't have to be called. Obviously I don't know you personally but the entire post is filled with stories of the people in your home freaking out and swearing/screaming at one another. If the kids are there to see/hear this, I completely get why she's concerned. It probably sounds like you're being abused on her side of the wall.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TheMrs407
by Emerald Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:57 PM
I read half of this. Even while being understanding, I'd be upset too. It sounds like you all need to figure out how to talk to people.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this
I can play my music as loud as I want between 7am and 9pm. Guess what no one can do a damn thing about it.

Quoting msjaxon:

But her voice isn't. Being in your home once again does not give you complete autonomy to do as you wish. You yell, you play your music too loudly, your dog barks incessantly... All of these you can be cited for noise pollution... I'm happy to educate you today since your high school civics or government class obviously failed you terribly.



Quoting Anonymous:

Op was in her home not in public. She can swear all she wants. Also ops neighbor is just being a bitch oh no two arguements in two weeks. Let's call the cops.





Quoting msjaxon:

Congrats.... Freedom of speech doesn't give complete autonomy. You can't use free speech to harass others, yell fire in a public place, make threats, incite others to violence. Shameful how many adults need a simple civics lesson.







Quoting Anonymous:

Freedom of speech lady.









Quoting msjaxon:

Please link me to this bill of rights you are getting your information from. "land of the free" doesn't give us complete autonomy.











Have an argument live dysfunctionally all you want but the moment your problems extends beyond the walls of your home and disturbs others people can, should, and will call authorites.












Quoting Anonymous:

Screaming couples.... Goes under agruements... If they want to swear that is their business and their right.













Quoting msjaxon:

In which part of Iraq do you live?















I've lived in apartments for 10 years, including side by side duplex where when they walked down the stairs it sounded like someone was walking down my stairs. I've lived in up and down 2 family unit, high rise apartment complex, and the list goes on. Nope not once have I been woken up by screaming couples.... Crying babies, barking dogs, an alarm clock that wasn't mine, the sound of a vacuum, people walking overhead... Those are apartment noises..... Regular Foul mouth arguments not normal....
















Quoting MusicMuse1991:

ffs it's obvious people don't know how to read

annie, the bitch lives right below you. if she can't handle the noise that comes with apartment living, she needs a new place.

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