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Someone help me figure out how to deal with this politely, before I have to slap a birch.

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As some of you may remember we have a new neighbor. I started off relations with her by introducing myself, and then advising her that my husband has Asperger's and that sometimes he "melts down". He's never violent, but he yells. Loudly. 

She said she used to be a nurse, and that she understood perfectly. 

Her first weekend here she invited my son and me to come outside and play with her and her granddaughter. She was nice enough, but made several comments which got under my skin. Very condescending, holier than thou comments, including telling my son "These kids don't know what Angry Birds is, these are kids that play outside." 

A few days later some things happened early in the morning which caused my husband and I to have an argument. We were loud and inconsiderate at a very early hour, and I can fully understand her being pissed that we woke her up. But she called our house, and when I apologized to her she asked me three different times if I needed her to "call the police for" me. I told her no, thank you for your concern. We're loud, but not violent. I apologized again, and husband and I cooled down. 

Since then we've done everything we can to be polite and friendly with her.

Sunday night, my roommate and I got into a minor argument because of the fucking dog that his daughter brought home. There was yelling and cussing. At 8pm for about 5-7 minutes. Then we were done. Laughing and smiling after that.

The bitch called the police on us.

The police came and asked if everything was ok. We told them what was going on, and even the cop rolled his eyes that she called. 

Yesterday I was standing on my porch allowing my son to go into our backyard to get his backpack. I was watching him, and I saw that she came pulling (like a bat out of hell) into our driveway. So I called out for the Boy to stop where he was and wait for her to park. She saw him, and pulled back OUT of the driveway, after she had already parked. Then she signalled for him to come across, so he did. He waited for her to park and when she got out he thanked her for letting him cross. 

She said "Oh, I would never ever ever EVER hurt you! I'm keeping an EYE OUT for you. And it's my JOB to protect you and keep you safe." 

She said a few other things, but they were all along the same lines. All the time she's glaring up at me on my porch.

No bitch, it's not your job to keep my son safe. You're a motherfucking STRANGER. We've known you for all of 2 weeks. It's MY JOB to keep my son safe, and it's your job to keep your nose out of my motherfucking business. <~~~ This is what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I was sweet and I called out "thank you" and she ignored me and walked into the house. 

The dog is out of our home now, and that is going to greatly diminsh the stress we've all been under. But I do not want to live somewhere where this woman is going to call the police whenever someone says fuck a little too loud for her liking.

Someone tell me how to deal with her politely, but still draw the line, especially when it comes to my son? 

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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:42 AM
Replies (41-50):
AnnieMcD
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:28 AM

For a5 minute argument? Really? 

Quoting babyboy117:

I honestly don't blame your neighbor. I probaly would call the cops too.


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epoh
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Kill her with kindness. And by that I mean shove eggs in the cracks of her mailbox, throw a dead fish in her car through the cracks of her windows, and slash her tires. Good luck!
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AnnieMcD
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:29 AM

I'm not the one doing the yelling LOL. My entire plan of action when he's in meltdown mode is to calm him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That time ... well ... it didn't. 

Quoting gardengirl23:

Also, you know he as Aspbergers so why are you screaming at him??

Quoting AnnieMcD:

There's a difference between "using it as an excuse" and "giving the reason" ... Does Husband use it to excuse his bad behavior more often than he should? Yeah. Does that mean that he's somehow NOT Autistic, and will never freak the fuck out again? Ummm ... no. No it doesn't. It's a fact of life. 

Now I just have to work on enforcing the "family rules" of no yelling, no name calling, etc ... 

Quoting jenea2:

Seems your using aspergers as an excuse




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AnnieMcD
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:30 AM

Thanks, that's exactly what I'll do. :o) 

Quoting Anonymous:

If you hear her speak to him like that again, politely thank her for her concern but remind her that she is a stranger to him, not an authority figure in his life. Tell her that you are more than capeable of taking care of your own child.


As far as the  arguing and cussing.. remember you have neighbors and try to be a bit more considerate if you don't want those police visits.


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Angeldolphine
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:31 AM

You are the rude one....You don't need to scream and swear at each other to deal with problems. You are an adult. Learn to deal with your problems as an adult. It's not just your husband either, because you were yelling at your roommate. You don't have Aspergers, you have no need to be yelling and cursing. That makes it worse. Walk away, calmly deal with it after people have calmed down. A great and effective way of dealing with a conflict is to say something like  "When you do ___it makes me feel ___. I really don't like it when you do that."  Fix this and she won't have a need to call the police. Perhaps, knowing that she will call the police will help you to learn how to deal with your problems as an adult. As for the condescending comments, they really don't sound that bad to me...I'd let them go or just try to avoid her.  If they are really bad, you can try saying "You know, when you say ___ it makes me feel ___"  Yelling and screaming is a form of abuse. It's not good for your children. It's not a good example for your children. She's concerned for their safey.

AnnieMcD
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this

Her granddaughter is only there on weekends.

Not to go spreading people's business around, but I have friends who know her and recognized her when she was moving in. Apparently she thinks she's everyone's hero, even though her own life is a mess, her son is a drug addict, etc ... 

Quoting mamadolce:

slap the birch its a tree right? Lmao jk i read your post . You cannot please everyone so id tell her whatever is on your mind . Why hold back? And does her granddaughter live with her? Maybe her grandkid was abused and seems to think your family is dysfucntional.. Idk


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

It sort of sounds like you do A LOT more than say "fuck" a little too loud, and that your household can be quite inconsiderate and unhealthy. Soo.....I don't know if there is much you can do. People are going to make comments, she sounds a little weird, you sound like you have a distruptive household. Both parties sound like they have issues, I would just be polite when you see her and call it a day. 


dandylynes
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm with her epoh.


Quoting epoh:

Kill her with kindness. And by that I mean shove eggs in the cracks of her mailbox, throw a dead fish in her car through the cracks of her windows, and slash her tires. Good luck!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:33 AM
2 moms liked this

....holy shit someone cared enough about your family they called the cops to make sure you were alright. how dare they!

sweetz684
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:33 AM
I say kill her with kindness. I can understand her frustration tho. When you argue do you have a basement or something you could go into that may not be as loud?
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