Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How do I bring this up? UPDATE, talked to him

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies
I've been dating a GREAT guy since May. He's incredibly handsome, sweet, good to my kids and all that. I can actually see him being my future husband. (we've already talked about it)

But I have a selfish problem. One most of you will probably call me an ungrateful bitch for, but whatever. This bothers ME.

My SO is too affectionate. I am in no way exaggerating when I say he's always in my face wanting to make out. He rolls over in the morning and gets right in my face, assaulting my mouth. I am the kind of person who needs to wake up before being messed with. If I shrug him off and sit up to stretch, roll my neck and wipe my eyes....he's tugging on my arm trying to pull me back onto the bed. Sometimes I just wanna scream "Leave me the fuck alone and let me wake up!"

If we're cuddling on the couch watching a movie, every few mins he's grabbing my chin to turn me to him for kissing. I counted the other night....48 times!

He'll stop me on the way down the hall and start trying to kiss. I just can't take him CONSTANTLY being in my face. I need some personal space ffs.

I know I should be happy he's so intimate and all that....but I feel smothered and it's a huge turn off.


So how do I rightfully ask him to back off?

Update~ When he called on his way home from work...I just closed my eyes and blurted it out. He seemed a lil shocked but said he understands. He gave two reasonings......1) The only other girl he's ever loved before me cheated on him and told him she felt lonely. That he didn't give her the TLC she craved. So in a way, he's over compensating for that and fearful. Afraid if he doesn't constantly show affection and intimacy, that he's afraid I'd leave him or be unhappy. He then tried to joke that women are too complicated....he gets cheated on for NOT being affectionate and then this happens when he is. I told him just to tone it down and be more natural, more relaxed. Don't bring a past relationship issue into mine.

And 2) Bc we only see one another two weekends a mth and on sporadic days he's off....he feels like he's "making up" for lost time. (we live 45 mins apart and with both our jobs and my kids....we don't see one another regularly right now)
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:45 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:47 PM

I think you need to be honest and just say something along the lines of I am not trying to hurt your feelings but I dont think I am as much of an affectionate person as you are. can you please give me a little space sometimes.

mom2cheesebug
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:48 PM
Eventually he wont be like this, your still in the "honeymoon" phase.
Just sit him down and list everything you lovr about him, then let him know that although its sweet how effectionate he can be, that you are feeling smoothered by it, and that your not use to it.

Honesty is the best policy here.
EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:48 PM
You haven't been together long. I think you need to slow down. And he is weird. Hahahaha
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:50 PM
Slow down on what?

Quoting EmilysMom2010:

You haven't been together long. I think you need to slow down. And he is weird. Hahahaha
ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:51 PM

That'd drive me nuts too :\

EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:13 PM
You have been with this guy for 4-5months. You are already having him stay at your place and around your kids. Talking about marriage material. I think him being overly affectionate is a red flag for a creeper. If it were me I probably would have taken it a lot slower.

Quoting Anonymous:

Slow down on what?



Quoting EmilysMom2010:

You haven't been together long. I think you need to slow down. And he is weird. Hahahaha
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:14 PM
You don't even really know him yet...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HIJKLM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:19 PM
I get it. My ex was like that. Saying something didn't help. He got all butt hurt and would say I'm ungrateful. Nothing changed. He started being like that after a break where he moved out. I put up with it another 4 years until we split for other reasons. I really have no helpful advice just that I understand.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:34 PM
Fdh and I have been together for several years now and he's still like this, though not as bad as he used to be. It was very hard at first not to hurt his feelings, but I was honest and told him I needed a certain amount of space and also time in the morning to wake up. He's been pretty good for the most part but still sometimes falls off the wagon lol at which point I point blank tell him he's smothering me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:34 PM
I've known him since Jr high. We've hung out in group settings for several yrs, always flirted and hit on one another. He's been my date to several functions, he's lived next door to me for a yr. I do know him, we just recently took the flirting to an official relationship. He's known my kids since they were born, he's been to almost every bday party throughout the yrs. I stay at his place when my kids are gone every other weekend. There's nothing wrong with that. And yes, we've discussed goals we have in relationships, where we both stand on the ideal of marriage, what we want out of our partnership etc. You women always say things like this should be discussed before marriage and when someone actually does....she's moving too fast. Interesting.

Quoting EmilysMom2010:

You have been with this guy for 4-5months. You are already having him stay at your place and around your kids. Talking about marriage material. I think him being overly affectionate is a red flag for a creeper. If it were me I probably would have taken it a lot slower.



Quoting Anonymous:

Slow down on what?





Quoting EmilysMom2010:

You haven't been together long. I think you need to slow down. And he is weird. Hahahaha
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)