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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Being a SAHM is NOT a career

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Now don't get me wrong. I think it's wonderful for women to be able to stay home with their kids. It's important. I was raised by my grandmother, who was retired and home all the time. I was at home for 6 months with my first and I currently work part time. However, I do see something wrong if a SAHM does not have any prior job experience or a college education. It is so important for women to establish themselves in a career first, become financially independent, prior to becoming a wife and SAHM. Why be dependent on a man? I see so many young girls in our area who get married at 18 and have babies at 19, stay home, and have no way to support themselves when the man leaves. It's so sad. It's also important for a prior career woman to keep up with her skills while being a SAHM. You may eventually need to head back to work. Just had to vent this!

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:40 PM
Replies (231-240):
BelleVernonGirl
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

What if all a woman ever wanted was to be a sahm?  I mean is it up to you to tell her she should go to college first?  I mean I'm not saying I disagree with you..I'm a single mom so I work and I depend on NO ONE but myself and I like it that way...But it's not up to me to decide how others should spend their lives.

littlemonaghan
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Agree.
I am working right now because we had a few extra bills pop up, but once they are paid off I'm going to stop working.
It was never hy dream to few a career woman. Im much happier taking care of my home and family


Quoting AlekD:

I am perfectly content being "dependant" on my hubby. He is a good man who loves me and our little family and loves providing for us. I am living my dream of being a full time mom and home educator. Who are you to tell me thar my dream isn't worthy? Feminism is about the freedom to choose our own life path, not just an order to join the workforce.
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MooreBoysMama
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Ehhh

I am a SAHM with education and who worked in the airline industry for 18 years before I left to become a SAHM.

Oh and I happened to marry a man who doesn't feel like or make me feel dependent on him. We are partners in our life and family.

I will be just fine. No need for you to worry about me. Thanks.
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sharnos
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:57 AM

I think you are pigheaded and just plain stupid.  Why should all women HAVE to be educated?  What if they are able to stay home for as long as they please?  Being a SAHM is a career, because you are taking care of children that need and depend on you!  If you don't have to send your kids to a sitter, or don't want to then stay home with them if its an option for you.  To say its not a career means your heart was never in it to be one.  You are a woman that wants independence, not that I blame you one bit for that.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 37 on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:58 AM
I'm a sahm but I'm not dependent on my dh. He supports me staying at home 100% and doesn't treat anything as his alone, it's ours.
But I also own 50% of our construction company & numerous commercial buildings & homes. So your concern is null as far as I'm concerned.

If any woman wants to be a sahm that's her business. Not yours!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Actually, I was totally on topic.  You clearly have no understanding of the concept of using an example.  OP was not about a husband walking out on a wife.  You just chose to take it that way.  She used the comment about girls being unprepared when their husbands leave as an example.  The point was really her last statement:

                      You may eventually need to head back to work.

Similarly, I used death or job loss as examples.  A close reading of my post would show that I said:

            The point is that sometimes unplanned things happen which would require a woman to have to support her children on her own.

Continuing with a close reading of my post, I never said that I was planning to make sure that I would be okay if my husband leaves.  My planning has been to make sure that no matter what happens I will be okay, not for any specific situation.  It has absolutely nothing to do with trust

It is interesting that you say that no one's life goes as planned, but insist that one particular thing will never happen.  If you are happy with your level of planning, more power to you.  You are confident that you will remain married for the rest of your life.  That's great for you.  It doesn't, however, change the fact that marriages do end for many different reasons and the post was merely saying that women should be prepared if that situation should arise in their lives.

Quoting Anonymous:

No, I am not defensive at all.  Just educating you.  You quoted me.  You quoted my original comment.  If you weren't going to stay on topic, you should have been more clear in your first comment to me.  You only mention death.  I said I was prepared for that, then you mention job loss in your next comment.  The OP is about a husband walking out on the wife.

If you are doing things in your life to ensure that you will be okay if and when your husband leaves, you are indeed planning for him to leave.  

Your last line proves what I am saying.  I don't have to hope for my life to go as planned.  Mine hasn't gone as planned, so far.  Nobody's lives go as planned, however, it will not be because my husband leaves me.  My original comment was based solely on what the OP said.  Yes, she did say SAHM moms should be planning for when he leaves.  

 OP said:  I see so many young girls in our area who get married at 18 and have babies at 19, stay home, and have no way to support themselves when the man leaves.

This is what I was commenting on.  She is assuming that husbands are going to leave.  Mine isn't going anywhere.  We are prepared for death and job loss.  I won't prepare for him to leave me.  Seems like it makes for a bad marriage with little trust, to me.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ummm . . . no one said you should live your life planning for your husband to leave you.  Nor did I say anything about thinking my husband is going to leave me.  It's really something I don't think about at all.  At the same time, if something were to happen and my husband were not around for any reason or he could not work, I would have ZERO financial concerns. 

You sound incredibly defensive.  For your sake, I hope your life goes exactly as you plan it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Death is not the same and EVERYONE should plan for it.  It is part of life.  We have plans in place in case either of us dies.  We have life insurance as well.  We have all of that covered.

I refuse to live my life planning for if my husband might want to leave me someday.  I never plan on going back to work.  He does not want me to ever go back to work.  There will be plenty for me to do when the kids are grown.  I won't have a problem staying busy on our mini farm.  If you choose to think your husband will leave, well, have fun with that life.

Quoting Anonymous:

No one plans for that.  No one plans for their husband to die in an accident or some other way at a young age either.  The point is that sometimes unplanned things happen which would require a woman to have to support her children on her own.  That is just reality.  It doesn't hurt to think about the possibility ahead of time and make sure that you are comfortable that you could manage it if it were to happen.  Does that necessarily require that you have a college degree and a career before becoming a SAHM?  No, but that is one approach.  There are, of course, others.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't plan for my husband to leave me.  What a sad way to live.

 

 

 

 


3babiesofmyown
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:00 AM
I told DH I want my degree so bad. When I do get to stay home I'm goig to go to school but I am so not in a hurry. I guess because the last 5urs has worn me out. I've been working nights and always exhausted. I just want a break. So I won't rush school either. But that's why we are establishing ourselves pretty well before I quit and he goes back to work. If things go bad we'll have something to fall back on.
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diamondsetter
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:01 AM
I agree. I put my career on hold for the years I was a SAHM and recently went back to it part-time. You just never know what life's going to throw at you, so it's best to be capable and prepared.
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MamaRae85
by *you're on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:03 AM

Eh, plenty of women don't get a college education and live very satisfying lives. I didn't finish college for a personal reason. None of anyone's business why, and it's also not really anyone's business whether I plan to go back or not.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:03 AM

No, you were off topic.  Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually, I was totally on topic.  OP is not about a husband walking out on a wife, that was an example that she used.  You just chose to read it that way.  The point was her last statement:
                You may eventually need to head back to work.

I have done nothing with a plan regarding whether or not my husband leaves.  Planning to make sure that you are okay regardless of what happens in the future has nothing to do with whether you believe you will remain married or not. 

Quoting Anonymous:

No, I am not defensive at all.  Just educating you.  You quoted me.  You quoted my original comment.  If you weren't going to stay on topic, you should have been more clear in your first comment to me.  You only mention death.  I said I was prepared for that, then you mention job loss in your next comment.  The OP is about a husband walking out on the wife.

If you are doing things in your life to ensure that you will be okay if and when your husband leaves, you are indeed planning for him to leave.  

Your last line proves what I am saying.  I don't have to hope for my life to go as planned.  Mine hasn't gone as planned, so far.  Nobody's lives go as planned, however, it will not be because my husband leaves me.  My original comment was based solely on what the OP said.  Yes, she did say SAHM moms should be planning for when he leaves.  

 OP said:  I see so many young girls in our area who get married at 18 and have babies at 19, stay home, and have no way to support themselves when the man leaves.

This is what I was commenting on.  She is assuming that husbands are going to leave.  Mine isn't going anywhere.  We are prepared for death and job loss.  I won't prepare for him to leave me.  Seems like it makes for a bad marriage with little trust, to me.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ummm . . . no one said you should live your life planning for your husband to leave you.  Nor did I say anything about thinking my husband is going to leave me.  It's really something I don't think about at all.  At the same time, if something were to happen and my husband were not around for any reason or he could not work, I would have ZERO financial concerns. 

You sound incredibly defensive.  For your sake, I hope your life goes exactly as you plan it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Death is not the same and EVERYONE should plan for it.  It is part of life.  We have plans in place in case either of us dies.  We have life insurance as well.  We have all of that covered.

I refuse to live my life planning for if my husband might want to leave me someday.  I never plan on going back to work.  He does not want me to ever go back to work.  There will be plenty for me to do when the kids are grown.  I won't have a problem staying busy on our mini farm.  If you choose to think your husband will leave, well, have fun with that life.

Quoting Anonymous:

No one plans for that.  No one plans for their husband to die in an accident or some other way at a young age either.  The point is that sometimes unplanned things happen which would require a woman to have to support her children on her own.  That is just reality.  It doesn't hurt to think about the possibility ahead of time and make sure that you are comfortable that you could manage it if it were to happen.  Does that necessarily require that you have a college degree and a career before becoming a SAHM?  No, but that is one approach.  There are, of course, others.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't plan for my husband to leave me.  What a sad way to live.







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