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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I don't clean, cook or do any laundry..

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

According ot my DH...I clean 99.5% of the time. The two basic, easy chores my DH has, he sucks at doing them. 

I take care of everything else pretty much on my own. I have noticed a pattern that is really getting the best of me. A while back I woke up one morning and I hadn't really cleaned that weekend. I just relaxed, so the house was untidy but no bad. He asked me to clean it because his parents were coming over.So I spent all morning doing that FOR him as a KINDNESS. Then this is the conversation.

Him: You don't clean house enough.

Me: What? I just got done cleaning all morning for you

Him: Yea, but the only reason you did it was because my parents are coming over. 

Me: No, I did it for you because you asked me to. I told you I was going to relax this weekend and clean it tomorrow, but I went ahead and did it for you. 

Needless to say, that escalated in to a big fight, and I was in tears before it was over with because he kept tearing me down after that. I felt really taken for granted, and what he said wasn't even true, so it made no sense.

Now, he has done this several times since them. Just a week ago he was complaining about some clothes that HE left on the dresser. (He takes them out, then throws them on the dresser instead of hanging them back up. He got rude with me and said "No point in wearing these, since they are all wrinkled now." That really got to me, so I said "If you have a problem with them, throw them in the dryer. You are the one who left them out to wrinkle." He didn't like that I had called him out on it, and it got to his pride that his insult backfired, so he said "Well, if you would actually do laundry!" The problem with that is, I DO laundry. I am the ONLY one who does it, and what's bad about it? I KEEP UP with the laundry. When he made that comment, there were two whole dirty clothes items. The rest was clean, folded or in the closet. That's how it mostly stays. 

Yes, after he acts like the hugest douche ever, and fights with me about it, he will later try to suck up and say he is sorry, but he will do it again! 

Now, yesterday I was cleaning while he was watching TV. (That's all he does pretty much). I cleaned everything spotless in the kitchen and living room. He witnessed this. He then started in about my cooking! 

Him: Why don't you cook every day like you used to.

Me: What do you mean? I do cook every day. Monday I asked you what you wanted for dinner and you said you wanted something from a restaurant. Tuesday I started to make dinner and you decided YOU wanted to try and make a Shepherd's pie, and now today, I am cooking. (If he cooks anything, he will hold it against me later like I made him do it when I never do).

Him: Well, you don't have dinner ready when I get home like you used to. 

Me: I have never had it done then. It's always been around 5-6 pm! . So then he moves on to something else.

Him: Well, why did you wait so late now?

Me: Um, because the chicken was thawing! I had to wait for it to thaw.

Him: Well, why don't you that it the night before like you used to. You used to do that every night. (No, I didn't. I forgot a lot then too). 

Me: What does it matter? I took it out this morning to thaw, and it's now in the oven cooking!It's cooking right now, and dinner is getting done the same time it always has.

So, the looks out the window and then looks at the clock and sees it's only right at 6, and dinner is almost done and says he thought it was later. Wtf! So, my blood is boiling at this point! He just makes up shit it seems like, and it seems to be only after I do something! 

 He goes in to a temper tantrum and is bitching about "How I am always mad" and he is tired of it. Uhh...I only get mad when you repeatedly put me down for whatever reason your little brain conjures up! 

He goes to the bedroom for a few minutes and comes out and says he is sorry and he got to thinking about it and realized "The reason why she is getting so mad lately, is because she is tired of me putting her down like that".I just wanted to say no shit dumb ass! You conclude that every time you do it after the fact! Can't wait until next week, when you do this all over again..then expect me to forgive you. Again.

What would you do? I am so sick of it, it's just making me angry toward him all the time lately. I'm having a very hard time getting over it.

Sorry so long! Just reading half of it sums it up. I just explained two other instances after that, and was venting.



Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 11, 2012 at 4:01 PM
Replies (41-50):
NatesMyBoy
by Gold Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM
I'm sorry. It's hard when there are kids involved. I hope things change for you. That is a horrible way to be treated. Maybe he beefs a shrink and an ultimatum.

Quoting Anonymous:

Exactly. Lol. I will be stuck with a huge, nasty mess. I've even tried it before, and sure, for a while after that he won't say anything, but eventually he will decide to act like a jerk for no apparent reason.  He's been like this on and off, and has even been like this about to other things besides cleaning in the past, years ago. 

Quoting NatesMyBoy:

I would say stop doing shit for him. But obviously that would backfire, you would end up cleaning. Has he always been like this?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MajorsMom8215
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM

 If talking isn't working and fighting is the usual result..... Stop doing it. Don't clean anything except what you need for you and the kids. Don't cook anything except for you and the kids. ...Let him see how bad it sucks when you REALLY aren't doing the cooking/cleaning. Maybe it'll work, maybe not... but I'd try it.  

 

ETA: When he comes grovelling.. make him help you clean everything.. don't get stuck doing it all yourself!

bigmessylife
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:08 PM

You are a much kinder woman than I.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:09 PM

Oh no, if DH does something, he will make a huge deal about it. I would rather him not do anything because of how he acts. He's like "I went to work all day long, then I had to come home and do the dishes too (or insert any little chore he does)." 

He uses work as an excuse for everything, and will hang it over my head.

The fight we had about dinner, I told him I was tired of him sitting on his ass on the couch every single day, then griping about me like that when is is lazy. His response was "I don't care what you say, I work, and you don't."

Since when does working mean you're completely exempt from cleaning up after yourself?

Quoting NikiSellers0806:

Mine too....it doesn't matter if he's been at work or not, if something needs to be done he just does it. There is no "wifely chores", this is OUR house and together we take care of it. OP sorry your DH is a douche, next time he starts bitching tell him if he doesn't like something to get off his ass and do it his damn self.


Quoting LucyMom08:

That would suck...I'm sorry...my SO does what he thinks needs to be done if he sees something...and he does most of the cooking...we are a team effort...


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:10 PM

Lol at Beefs a Shrink. Autocorrect?

Quoting NatesMyBoy:

I'm sorry. It's hard when there are kids involved. I hope things change for you. That is a horrible way to be treated. Maybe he beefs a shrink and an ultimatum.

Quoting Anonymous:

Exactly. Lol. I will be stuck with a huge, nasty mess. I've even tried it before, and sure, for a while after that he won't say anything, but eventually he will decide to act like a jerk for no apparent reason.  He's been like this on and off, and has even been like this about to other things besides cleaning in the past, years ago. 

Quoting NatesMyBoy:

I would say stop doing shit for him. But obviously that would backfire, you would end up cleaning. Has he always been like this?



nerdymom28
by Ruby Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:11 PM

 I'd go to counseling. You need a neutral third party to help get through to him.

clearlyme
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:11 PM
Well then I agree with the others. Stop picking up after him or doing anything to benefit him. Take care of you and the kids. I did that with DH and r realized how much I really do. Sorry you have to deal with that.


Quoting Anonymous:

We've talked about it before. His answer was "I don't know why I get like that. I do notice it, but it's like I just don't care at the time." 

I personally think it's just learned/bad behavior from his dad! His dad treats his mom like a doormat, and she allows it. DH isn't nowhere as bad, but it reminds me of his dad. 

Quoting clearlyme:

He is obviously trying to pick a fight with you. Sounds to me like something deeper may be going on in his head. When you are both calm and relaxed maybe talk to him. Ask him what he is actually unhappy with and re-evaluate your expectations of each other.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ilovemykids323
by Ruby Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:12 PM

 my husband likes ot put me down a lot for it too... it sure doesn't motivate me thats for sure and usually the house gets messy after that. putting me down isn't going to make me do a better joband he needs to learn that.

DanaG70
by Platinum Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:14 PM

 Stop doing any of it, sit on the couch all day and do nothing but take care of the kids and watch TV, do it for a few days, he'll understand.

Better yet, leave for an entire Saturday, turn off your phone and let him take care of the kids and house... Let him know a head of time what you expect him to do cleaning wise. See how much he likes it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:15 PM

Don't marry him.

Quoting Anonymous:

Omg he sounds just like df. I do everything and god for bid he does it once and he claims i do nothing. He says im always pissy well ya when you put me down. I pay for a lot as well when i get paid and we go to the store i ask non stop if he wants or need anything and spend all my money. Then when he gets paid and i ask for something thats 2 bucks he gets mad and says i waist money and he pays for everything. Then he spends the rest on him self.


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