Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you aren't married, then you aren't a family

Why do people have this mentality? If you are residing together with children, then it's a family.

If you look up the definition of family, here's what you get:


a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
2. All the members of a household under one roof.
3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at collective noun.

Why are people so concerned with how others live their life?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 11:05 AM
Replies (31-40):
Bigmetalchicken
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:38 AM

Best comment of the day!

Quoting Ninjabubble:

I don't have a family. I have weirdos residing in my house.


batmansgirl
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:44 AM

Why should they get married?

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting jessimicuh:

I have been with SO 7 years, we have 2 beautiful daughters together. We are a family.

If you are so committed to each other, why not get married?


batmansgirl
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:52 AM

Because living together is more than being "girlfriend or boyfriend."  Living together is a commitment that goes deeper than boyfriend and girlfriend. There are many reasons why people choose not to be married, some are financial, medical. :)

Quoting Anonymous:

No you are definitely a family!

If you arent married then you are not legally his wife though.

If you want to be his wife or call yourself wife you should legally get married is all.If you are happy unmarried than be the proud girlfriend or fiance with a family.What is wrong with saying your his girlfriend when you are?



Tea4Tas
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:01 AM


Quoting rjsmommy214:

A father doesn't have a legal connection to his child unless he married to the mother? I'm confused on this one. SO can do anything I can for DS. He claims DS on his taxes as well. I'd think if anything I'd be the one having issues because I do not share a last name with my son. He is a jr.

Quoting Tea4Tas:

There is a legal definition of family. There has to be. So Mom and 2 kids and her boyfriend could be considered a family-but not legally. AFTER they get married then and only then does the Boyfriend have any kind of legal connection to the kids.

For tax purposes there are also legal family definitions.

What you feel is a family and what the government considers a family are 2 different things.

Mom and Boyfriend and her 2 kids and his 2 kids would seem to be a family-but the reality is, in the event of the death of either parent, it's unlikely that they will remain a family.  SS survivor benefits will not be issued to the remaining Adult-only to the children.


Why are you assuming a boyfriend is the Father of the kids in the household?  And why would you not share a last name with your own child?  I can't fathom that.

mylovey
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:04 AM

I agree, that is a ridiculous idea. So if and when a couple marries, they automatically become a family at that point.

DH and I were in a committed relationship when we had our daughter. We were a family. When we married (our daughter was 3), the only thing that changed was we were legally married. Our status as a family did not change. 

Mommy to little Miss. Saylor, and little Mr. Finley. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:07 AM

I don't really care per say. I see them as a "family". The parents are still boyfriend and girlfriend though....and I will always see a difference between a couple that is married versus one that is dating.

Tea4Tas
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:08 AM


Quoting HIJKLM:

Before I finally caved and got engaged DF put me as the beneficiary on his life insurance, we have a durable power of attorney in place for both of us, we've drawn up guardianship docs over the children, he can legally claim all of us on his taxes, so no, being married is not the ONLY way he has those legal rights. The only difference between the way we have things set up and being married is he has to file his taxes as single-not married and he doesn't get the married discount on insurance and that without the guardianship he would have no legal rights to my children in the event I died even if we were married.

Quoting Tea4Tas:

There is a legal definition of family. There has to be. So Mom and 2 kids and her boyfriend could be considered a family-but not legally. AFTER they get married then and only then does the Boyfriend have any kind of legal connection to the kids.

For tax purposes there are also legal family definitions.

What you feel is a family and what the government considers a family are 2 different things.

Mom and Boyfriend and her 2 kids and his 2 kids would seem to be a family-but the reality is, in the event of the death of either parent, it's unlikely that they will remain a family.  SS survivor benefits will not be issued to the remaining Adult-only to the children.

That doesn't work unless their Bio Dad has signed away his rights. Nor can you collect his SS survivor benefits.  Nor can he legally claim those kids unless-according to the IRS

Qualifying Children
To be claimed as a qualifying child, the person must meet four criteria:

Relationship — the person must be your child, step child, adopted child, foster child, brother or sister, or a descendant of one of these (for example, a grandchild or nephew).


So unless he adopted them-he is breaking the law and committing tax fraud.

Now he will likely never get caught unless their BIO Dad or you also attempted to claim them. But if he is getting EITC and gets caught-that's gonna hurt.

I don't know who told you that guardianship doucuments are enough-but read the IRS website yourself-they are NOT enough. He needs to adopt the kids. OR marry you.


maureen813
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:11 AM
I was born in the early 1960's and I can tell you, that throughout the sixties and seventies, having children without being married was really not accepted and certainly not considered a legitimate family unit by the overwhelming majority of people. In fact, the term "out of wedlock" was very common place to describe those children born to unmarried parents. I think it is wonderful that families are defined now in a much more inclusive way.
dawny36
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Some people have nothing better to do than to judge other people!
momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Never heard that argument. Maybe it's not a traditional family, but there are many different kinds of families.

Sharon
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)