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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you aren't married, then you aren't a family

Why do people have this mentality? If you are residing together with children, then it's a family.

If you look up the definition of family, here's what you get:


a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
2. All the members of a household under one roof.
3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at collective noun.

Why are people so concerned with how others live their life?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 11:05 AM
Replies (51-60):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:58 AM
Those people feel like they are right,, and that everyone else is wrong. If everyone were as "right" as them, who could they frown on to make themselves feel better?
HIJKLM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:04 AM
1 mom liked this
I was working when we got together but after relocating twice for his job and having to quit 2 jobs to relocate and falling on some hard times (medical issues) we decided I should stay at home. It works for us. What our daughters learn from our situation is love and family is not limited to blood and paperwork. Not a bad lesson to teach them IMO. And I'm not worried about the risk, it's no different than if we were married.

Quoting Tea4Tas:



Quoting HIJKLM:

My ex's rights have been removed by the court. My fiancé can claim my children because they are considered a qualifying dependent.



"Child of person not required to file a return. A child is not the qualifying child of any other taxpayer and so may qualify as your qualifying relative if the child's parent (or other person for whom the child is defined as a qualifying child) is not required to file an income tax return and either: Does not file an income tax return, or Files a return only to get a refund of income tax withheld or estimated tax paid."



Since I am a SAHM, my ex can not claim my children, we live with DF all year and he provides 100% of their support he can legally claim my children. We do not qualify for the EITC so I'm not sure how that would affect qualifying status.



As for the guardianship, we have that in place to give him rights to act on their behalf in legal or medical matters, not for tax purposes.




Quoting Tea4Tas:




Quoting HIJKLM:

Before I finally caved and got engaged DF put me as the beneficiary on his life insurance, we have a durable power of attorney in place for both of us, we've drawn up guardianship docs over the children, he can legally claim all of us on his taxes, so no, being married is not the ONLY way he has those legal rights. The only difference between the way we have things set up and being married is he has to file his taxes as single-not married and he doesn't get the married discount on insurance and that without the guardianship he would have no legal rights to my children in the event I died even if we were married.





Quoting Tea4Tas:

There is a legal definition of family. There has to be. So Mom and 2 kids and her boyfriend could be considered a family-but not legally. AFTER they get married then and only then does the Boyfriend have any kind of legal connection to the kids.

For tax purposes there are also legal family definitions.

What you feel is a family and what the government considers a family are 2 different things.

Mom and Boyfriend and her 2 kids and his 2 kids would seem to be a family-but the reality is, in the event of the death of either parent, it's unlikely that they will remain a family.  SS survivor benefits will not be issued to the remaining Adult-only to the children.

That doesn't work unless their Bio Dad has signed away his rights. Nor can you collect his SS survivor benefits.  Nor can he legally claim those kids unless-according to the IRS

Qualifying Children
To be claimed as a qualifying child, the person must meet four criteria:

Relationship — the person must be your child, step child, adopted child, foster child, brother or sister, or a descendant of one of these (for example, a grandchild or nephew).


So unless he adopted them-he is breaking the law and committing tax fraud.

Now he will likely never get caught unless their BIO Dad or you also attempted to claim them. But if he is getting EITC and gets caught-that's gonna hurt.

I don't know who told you that guardianship doucuments are enough-but read the IRS website yourself-they are NOT enough. He needs to adopt the kids. OR marry you.


So you live with a man you are not married to and don;t work and he supports you?  Well different storkes and all. Not what I want my daughters doing though. Too risky. Agreements or not.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CheesyKitty
by Cm Addict on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:19 AM
I agree with you, families come in all sorts of shapes. As long as your Df loves you all then I see nothing wrong.Plus you took steps to protect your girls.


Quoting HIJKLM:

I was working when we got together but after relocating twice for his job and having to quit 2 jobs to relocate and falling on some hard times (medical issues) we decided I should stay at home. It works for us. What our daughters learn from our situation is love and family is not limited to blood and paperwork. Not a bad lesson to teach them IMO. And I'm not worried about the risk, it's no different than if we were married.



Quoting Tea4Tas:




Quoting HIJKLM:

My ex's rights have been removed by the court. My fiancé can claim my children because they are considered a qualifying dependent.





"Child of person not required to file a return. A child is not the qualifying child of any other taxpayer and so may qualify as your qualifying relative if the child's parent (or other person for whom the child is defined as a qualifying child) is not required to file an income tax return and either: Does not file an income tax return, or Files a return only to get a refund of income tax withheld or estimated tax paid."





Since I am a SAHM, my ex can not claim my children, we live with DF all year and he provides 100% of their support he can legally claim my children. We do not qualify for the EITC so I'm not sure how that would affect qualifying status.





As for the guardianship, we have that in place to give him rights to act on their behalf in legal or medical matters, not for tax purposes.






Quoting Tea4Tas:





Quoting HIJKLM:

Before I finally caved and got engaged DF put me as the beneficiary on his life insurance, we have a durable power of attorney in place for both of us, we've drawn up guardianship docs over the children, he can legally claim all of us on his taxes, so no, being married is not the ONLY way he has those legal rights. The only difference between the way we have things set up and being married is he has to file his taxes as single-not married and he doesn't get the married discount on insurance and that without the guardianship he would have no legal rights to my children in the event I died even if we were married.







Quoting Tea4Tas:

There is a legal definition of family. There has to be. So Mom and 2 kids and her boyfriend could be considered a family-but not legally. AFTER they get married then and only then does the Boyfriend have any kind of legal connection to the kids.

For tax purposes there are also legal family definitions.

What you feel is a family and what the government considers a family are 2 different things.

Mom and Boyfriend and her 2 kids and his 2 kids would seem to be a family-but the reality is, in the event of the death of either parent, it's unlikely that they will remain a family.  SS survivor benefits will not be issued to the remaining Adult-only to the children.

That doesn't work unless their Bio Dad has signed away his rights. Nor can you collect his SS survivor benefits.  Nor can he legally claim those kids unless-according to the IRS

Qualifying Children
To be claimed as a qualifying child, the person must meet four criteria:

Relationship — the person must be your child, step child, adopted child, foster child, brother or sister, or a descendant of one of these (for example, a grandchild or nephew).


So unless he adopted them-he is breaking the law and committing tax fraud.

Now he will likely never get caught unless their BIO Dad or you also attempted to claim them. But if he is getting EITC and gets caught-that's gonna hurt.

I don't know who told you that guardianship doucuments are enough-but read the IRS website yourself-they are NOT enough. He needs to adopt the kids. OR marry you.


So you live with a man you are not married to and don;t work and he supports you?  Well different storkes and all. Not what I want my daughters doing though. Too risky. Agreements or not.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:20 AM

not a real family

jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:24 AM

yup lol.

Quoting LectioDivina:

Is a mother, a grandmother, and 3 kids a family?


jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:25 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

not a real family

they all share a home and are related.. that makes them a family.

marriage only legally binds the man and woman together.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I guess my statement should say not the traditional ideal of what some people think of when they think family.

Quoting jessi2girls:


Quoting Anonymous:

not a real family

they all share a home and are related.. that makes them a family.

marriage only legally binds the man and woman together.


jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM

religiously speaking would be a better way to put that...

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess my statement should say not the traditional ideal of what some people think of when they think family.

Quoting jessi2girls:


Quoting Anonymous:

not a real family

they all share a home and are related.. that makes them a family.

marriage only legally binds the man and woman together.



jessimicuh
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:34 PM
Why be in a rush to get married? Why not just enjoy our lives as they are right now?


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting jessimicuh:

I have been with SO 7 years, we have 2 beautiful daughters together. We are a family.

If you are so committed to each other, why not get married?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
slt1680
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:40 PM

Its just me and my daughter and that is my family!

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