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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

To whom it may concern

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 62 Replies
2 moms liked this

To whom it may concern,


For the past few years I have had recurrent thoughts of suicide, death, and dying. Life circumstances have lead me to a place in which I feel the need to end my life. After suffering through a traumatic childhood, to say the very least, I found myself quite lost. My soul searched for years to gain pieces that had been missing my entire life. I sought after and failed miserably in attempting to do so. Not only did I destroy my self worth,
I lost my sanity. Though the choices that one makes in life can vary depending on circumstances, how can one make the correct choices with the  worst of circumstances? It is simply unavoidable at the very least to rise above such an impoverished state of mind. Blame is useless, but if there were fingers to point they would lead primarily at the caretakers responsible for my upbringing. With that said, I take full responsibility for my own actions and choices. They are mine to have and the last things I have to cling onto.

When coming to this point in my life I have done a considerable amount of thinking. It is indeed that thought which has gotten me into such a deep state of peril. I refuse to seek help of any kind. Help is ultimately what has and always will fail me. Therapy was never consistant enough, and the pills never worked. Perhaps my chemical imbalance was far beyond the doctor's grasp. I was born hopeless. What were my parents to do? Nothing of course. Which they did very well at. 

Ultimately I have lost my grasp of control on my life I once longed for. I used to pray every night I would be able to be independent one day and to not live under the roof of my submissive mother and overbearing stepfather. Being an adult was something I looked forward to. These days, I look forward to nothing. Nothing brings
me happiness. I am not entitled to happiness, nor will I ever see it again. I am stuck. There is no one left in this world who gives a damn. My son, yes of course...but he is much better off without me. There are plenty of other women out there who can do it....certainly his father thinks so. Although his father never takes care of him
so how would he know?

After losing my youth I fell into a deep and bitter depression. I laid around the house all day with a newborn. I felt hopeless and extremely upset. Every day I wished that I could go back to my old life of good looks, hobbies, and friends. My new hobbies included changing diapers and sitting in front of a screen. I had lost my will to live. There was no love left in my relationship. I only stayed because I wanted my son to have two parents. I felt like a door mat, and still do to this day. Unappreciated and used. That will always be my role...unless I end it for good. I'm looking forward to being done with my life. I even fantasize about shooting myself in the throat.

Hopefully one day someone reads this after I am gone.

Until then...

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:39 AM

Please honey, I'm hoping this isn't real. In the event that it is, please please please seek some help! Reach out to family or a friend....Nothing is ever so bad, you need to end your life. What about your son? Think about him...Do you need someone to chat with? I'd be happy to have you PM me....

momma2mms
by Kristin on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:39 AM

I really hope you do get help. My ex's mom committed suicide. I would not wish that on anyone. My child doesn't have a grandmother and I don't know how to explain it to her. Do not kill yourself. You are worth so much more than you will ever know.

honeyrder
by Platinum Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Don't.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:45 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

Please honey, I'm hoping this isn't real. In the event that it is, please please please seek some help! Reach out to family or a friend....Nothing is ever so bad, you need to end your life. What about your son? Think about him...Do you need someone to chat with? I'd be happy to have you PM me....


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:46 AM
1-800-suicide.

Please call.
omamabean
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:47 AM

1-800-273-8255. Please call before you do anything. You will be ok. You will wake up tomorrow.

Dinosaurspiders
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:48 AM
4 moms liked this

You know what a lack of compassion from your parents has done to your life and self-esteem, please, I beg you, do not do that to your son. Learn from their mistakes and bring something forth for him that they could never give you. You want much from life that is not forthcoming, we all find ourselves striving, we all find ourselves grasping, and yes some of us pull back nothing and it is a crushing devastating feeling. But I ask you to see the whole of your life, to see the implications of your actions. No child will be better after their mother commits suicide unless that mother is a reprehensible bitch and really that would be one last painful jab from her. But I sense in you a conscience that is merely twisting in the wind because of your sadness.  Examine what it is you are living for, is it merely to receive. What are you looking for? Seek for something inside yourself. You can give yourself love and confidence, you can nurture your inner self. If no one else cares about you, then you care about you. Be your own hero dammit and quit letting insensitive people bring you down. If you can get help, get it. If you can talk to someone, talk to them. If you can cry, bawl your eyes out, mourn your life as if it has ended, and begin another one, not by dieing but by giving yourself a new beginning emotionally. Do it for yourself, do it for your son, You are both worth it. You are capable of this. And neither of you deserve for you to die!!! I feel so compelled to write this, I hope it reaches your eyes before you do something that can never ever be undone. I am sending you hugs and support and I will be here if you want to talk.

GatorsWife4Life
by Christina on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:49 AM
I do hope this isn't real. If it is then please seek help. If not for you then for your children who need their mother.
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Amybelle
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:49 AM

this group is becoming a MAGNET for Self-Abuse & Suicide Threats

shudderette
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:50 AM
How old is your son?

And trust me, no one else can be his mom. YOU are the woman who gave birth to him. He would be scarred for life if you killed yourself.

I personally have felt this way several times in my life. It was worst when my kids were younger and my life consisted of play group, dr appts, unending housework, and thomas the train videos (seriously the most boring kid show ever).

I find I can keep the depression away by taking college courses and volunteering my time somewhere. It keeps my mind active and helps me feel better about myself.
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