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I was a bully. ***update***

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I'm not hiding who I am. I'm not ashamed of my actions because I was a child. I was a foster child, I lived in 11 homes from 4-9, then returned to my mother which was not a good family home. I was lonely, unloved and very angry. I was always bought things, had the newest best toys as soon as they came out. But I was missing a family.

When I was 7, visting my mother, a bunch of older boys stole my bike. Knocked me off of it and took it. I went home crying. My mother locked me out of the house and told me I could not come back in until I had my bike. I had to do what I had to do, and I got my bike back. She encouraged the violence, and that along with the other feelings I had led to me being a bully.

I preyed on the weak and the ones that didnt fit in. I preyed on girly girls. Cheerleaders, girls that were too loose in my opinion. If they were labeled a slut, I was bullying them to make them feel worse about themselves. I never missed a beat, if someone messed up, I was there to call attention to it.

When I had my children, I knew what to teach them. Self respect, self esteem and morals. I knew to give them self worth so they knew they were not any less then another person. I was involved with them, I knew what was going on at all times. They are adults and yes, of course they were picked on in schools, everyone is. But they knew how to handle it. How to not let it get to them. An they had a strong family to come home to. And I taught them that violence is not an option. I formed relationships with the parents of their friends. All important aspects to stop bullying.

***I am surprised at the amount of people that are saying I'm proud and not remorseful. Where is anyone reading this?! I'm simply saying how it was and why. I'm saying I turned myself around and did not allow my children to be bullies or victims. I'm sorry some of you were picked on, and that it left a lasting impression. Are all adults responsible for the mistakes they made as a child?
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:14 AM
Replies (151-160):
MumaSue
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:15 PM


Quoting catchup29:


Quoting MumaSue:


Quoting catchup29:


Quoting MumaSue:


Quoting catchup29:


Quoting MumaSue:


Quoting catchup29:

***I am surprised at the amount of people that are saying I'm proud and not remorseful. Where is anyone reading this?! I'm simply saying how it was and why. I'm saying I turned myself around and did not allow my children to be bullies or victims. I'm sorry some of you were picked on, and that it left a lasting impression. Are all adults responsible for the mistakes they made as a child?

Yes you told a story of how it is in a very "matter of fact" way which was devoid of emotion which makes people believe including me that you are proud of how you turned yourself around [and I agree you should be] but that you have no feelings for the ones you hurt emotionally as a child. You put it in the past and show no remorse. It's very devoid of feeling and makes you seem cold to the fact that you hurt so many.

So because my post isn't dripping with "I'm sorry", then I'm not remorseful?  The thing is, the post is more to allow people into what may be going on in the mind of a bully, or to see where one is coming from.  And to see where they can possibly stop it from happening to their child.  I confessed, but I'm not going to beg for forgiveness.  And by stopping the cycle, by teaching my children to be the exact opposite of what I was, I believe that speaks for itself.  If not there is nothing more I can say.  

No one asked for a post dripping of "I'm sorry" and if you did it would probably mean that you are still being affected to a negative degree of what you did. You don't need to beg forgiveness from us either, you never bullied or hurt us [unless someone you did bully is here on CM]. Yes your post is helping me because my daughter is being bullied so much that she is having nightmares and hates going to school. You obviously think about how you affected the kids you bullied or you would not have brought your own kids up in the way you did. You don't like who you were or you would never have changed. You don't however tell the whole story. You tell us why you bullied but you also excuse yourself because you were a child. Oh I was just a kid and knew know better. Of course you knew better. You knew what you were doing was hurting others and you knew when you bullied it made you feel more powerful. You knew that and it's this side of the bullying that you are not talking about. If you want to help us help our kids give us the whole story not just the one sided confession you give here.

I'm sorry about your daughter.  I really am.  How old is she? Have you spoken with the parents of the kids?  Is there a way to get her involved in some social activities that will give her a solid group of friends, where she will feel safe and protected?

It's the talk I had with the school psychologist two hours ago that sparked my last answers. It's the look on the boys face when I thanked him for apologizing and owning up to the fact he bullied my DD and told him it took courage to do so. His eyes started tearing. Not because he was upset but because someone actually showed him respect for his actions. I see what you are saying in some of these kids eyes. I understand why some do it. They feel good when they have power because elsewhere in their lives they feel like shit. They also know full well it is wrong but to feel that strong when they do it overrides the principal of being wrong or right. They feel in control in a world where they usually feel unable to control anything. Bullies are usually just as much victims as the people they bully.

The boy we spoke to earlier is a bully not only to my DD but to others as well including the teachers. He needs serious help himself and I hope he gets it. The school are telling his parents which gave me mixed emotions because I don't know how is parents will handle it. They are his parents though and I can not get involved and tell them how they should raise their child. All I can do is raise mine to understand that there will always be bullies out there all our lives. It's how we carry ourselves and respond to the bullies that will make us either a victim or survivor.

DD will be starting an after school program that teaches arts, science, maths and [the most important] social skills. She is 8 and an only child.

She was asked to draw how she felt and she drew herself inside her locker. Some days she just wants to crawl inside until everyone else has gone to class. I was so happy that she actually communicated how she felt but wow that knocked me back also. She is so worried about being sent to the "reflection room/naughty room" for standing up for herself that she wont. The psychologist explained that she will never be sent there for defending herself and that it is fine to defend herself. We'll see where that goes.


Hopefully his parents do not make it worse for him.  My mother would get made if she had to get involved.  BUT That is not of your concern, you did the right thing.  Hopefully things get better with your daughter.  The afterschool program sounds wonderful.  I' sure she will make new friends and not feel so alone.  I know from my stepson, who was an only child for 15 years, its hard on them.  They don't understand sometimes how to form relationships with their peers. 

What a great little girl you must have to be able to and feel comfortable enough with you, to communicate her feelings.  Your already on your way to making this all better.

What you have done, turning your life around as well as breaking the cycle in how you raised your kids, is amazing. It's tough and takes a great deal of courage to accept your past and change it for the better.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:01 PM

Again I ask HOW and now I add WHY? Proof read what? I typed exactly what I meant to type but you're advoiding answering my question. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. You should really proof read before you hit submit.

Quoting Anonymous:

HOW did you get that I'm trying to pick a fight from what I asked? I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it. It's admitting that she was once a bully and then added how she's changed. You need glasses or something?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, that's what you're trying to do.



Quoting Anonymous:

How the hell did you get "proud" from her post? Or are you just looking to pick a fight?

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound proud. Are you remorseful?




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:03 PM
Lol. This is too funny.

"I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it.".

I agree.

Quoting Anonymous:

Again I ask HOW and now I add WHY? Proof read what? I typed exactly what I meant to type but you're advoiding answering my question. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. You should really proof read before you hit submit.



Quoting Anonymous:

HOW did you get that I'm trying to pick a fight from what I asked? I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it. It's admitting that she was once a bully and then added how she's changed. You need glasses or something?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, that's what you're trying to do.





Quoting Anonymous:

How the hell did you get "proud" from her post? Or are you just looking to pick a fight?

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound proud. Are you remorseful?




wulfeyes05
by Ruby Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I was bullied, but I got over it. I had boys pick on me and I knocked a couple on their asses. One kid touched my butt and I beat the crap out of him. It might be kind of mean of me to say, but I don't understand how someone lets a bully push them over the edge. I was taught to defend myself, not take the abuse. I'm glad that you have left behind the abuser and are trying to teach your kids what is right. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:06 PM

well atleast you know what not to teach your kids? I wasn't a bully but I beat the hell out of the girl who was so I tell my kids what not to do in that situation.Tell a adult first,tell a adult second knock the living crap out of them if it happens a third time.It has worked so far,they have never got to 3

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:08 PM

Proud of the CHANGE shes made.. Are you really this stupid or is this a special day?
I OBVIOUSLY don't think she's proud of that she was a bully.. so again I ask.. HOW did you get that she's proud of the fact she was a bully??! 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. This is too funny.

"I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it.".

I agree.

Quoting Anonymous:

Again I ask HOW and now I add WHY? Proof read what? I typed exactly what I meant to type but you're advoiding answering my question. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. You should really proof read before you hit submit.



Quoting Anonymous:

HOW did you get that I'm trying to pick a fight from what I asked? I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it. It's admitting that she was once a bully and then added how she's changed. You need glasses or something?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, that's what you're trying to do.





Quoting Anonymous:

How the hell did you get "proud" from her post? Or are you just looking to pick a fight?

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound proud. Are you remorseful?





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:16 PM
good for you for breaking the cycle with your children!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Ha! This, you - are laughable.

Quoting Anonymous:

Proud of the CHANGE shes made.. Are you really this stupid or is this a special day?
I OBVIOUSLY don't think she's proud of that she was a bully.. so again I ask.. HOW did you get that she's proud of the fact she was a bully??! 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. This is too funny.



"I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it.".



I agree.



Quoting Anonymous:

Again I ask HOW and now I add WHY? Proof read what? I typed exactly what I meant to type but you're advoiding answering my question. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. You should really proof read before you hit submit.





Quoting Anonymous:

HOW did you get that I'm trying to pick a fight from what I asked? I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it. It's admitting that she was once a bully and then added how she's changed. You need glasses or something?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, that's what you're trying to do.







Quoting Anonymous:

How the hell did you get "proud" from her post? Or are you just looking to pick a fight?

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound proud. Are you remorseful?





Benjamins-mama
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:55 PM

how could you not be ashamed of that?  that is horrible.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:58 AM

K


and thanks for not answering my question AGAIN! 
Anyway, we are obviously not getting anywhere so this is my last comment to you. Hope you have a good week. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Ha! This, you - are laughable.

Quoting Anonymous:

Proud of the CHANGE shes made.. Are you really this stupid or is this a special day?
I OBVIOUSLY don't think she's proud of that she was a bully.. so again I ask.. HOW did you get that she's proud of the fact she was a bully??! 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. This is too funny.



"I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it.".



I agree.



Quoting Anonymous:

Again I ask HOW and now I add WHY? Proof read what? I typed exactly what I meant to type but you're advoiding answering my question. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. You should really proof read before you hit submit.





Quoting Anonymous:

HOW did you get that I'm trying to pick a fight from what I asked? I asked because anyone with half a brain would see that she's PROUD of it. It's admitting that she was once a bully and then added how she's changed. You need glasses or something?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, that's what you're trying to do.







Quoting Anonymous:

How the hell did you get "proud" from her post? Or are you just looking to pick a fight?

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound proud. Are you remorseful?






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