Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The love isn't there, but we are still considering marriage for other reasons ***UPDATE IN RED

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies

Maybe this is really dumb of me, which is why I am posting this on here, I want some opinions.

I am a single mom, young mom, my child is 2, I work and go to school full time, the father of my child is an excellent father.  But I have chose to dedicate myself, outside of parenting, to becoming successful.  Not just for my child, but for his father, for my sister, and for my mother.  I am the oldest child and a lot of pressure falls on me in that way.  But none the less, I accept it and am making the best of it.  I am going for a Pre-Doc program next year as well which means I could end up anywhere.


He is a single dad, 24, so a bit older than myself.  He works 2 jobs right now, literally from 8a-11p or later, at least 5 days a week.  He is in school.  He brings in a good income and does well considering he works like he does.   The mother of his daughter hasn't called or seen her in 2 years and he made it clear to me that he wants a mother for his daughter more than anything else because she is 4, she is still young enough to really form a strong bond.

We both want to give our kids the best, we both work hard, we both like to travel, we have so many common goals, but the "spark" or love connection has never been there.  We more so gravitated to each other because of similarities.  

But WE were thinking, why not just for a little family, we don't have to be together forever.  But since my schooling is locking me down and making me move so often over the next 6-8 years and because he also chose a very demanding field of work, computer science, we could make it work and then just always be there for the kids.  I don't know. It would be a marriage of convenience, with the expectation that we would eventually divorce but it would give our kids a sense of family for now.

Otherwise, we can just continue our struggle seperately.


So, what if we didn't actually get married as previous posters have suggested, and just moved in together?

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
winkyloafer
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't waste your time or money. Seriously.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lauraschatz
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:58 AM
Don't do it. It won't end well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pnukey
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Then what happens when one or both of you falls in love? Could be with the other one or someone all together different.

Oostera
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:00 PM
I see what your saying and why but why not just be common law?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
2love
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:01 PM
I'm a hopeless romantic what if you fall in love with each other.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ChrissyReznor
by Platinum Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:01 PM
So the kids will get a family for a little while then you'll rip apart,the whole marriage idea is stupid. For someone that's smart u have dumb ideas.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
arilolojrsmom
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:02 PM
If there's no love then it a waste of time and money its not worth it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
VintageWife
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:03 PM

Why not be roommates then? Is it possible that you could eventually love eachother? There are lots of people that have arranged marriages that end up loving the person because of all the work they put into making it work.

bcbmami
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:03 PM
2 moms liked this
And what would happen to the kids when you do divorce? They're likely going to think you have a great marriage and actually do love each other. That right there would be enough for me to not get married. Those kids would be heartbroken. I would never get married for convenience.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
alexvitte
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I would not do it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)