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TODAY IS THE NATIONAL STAND UP TO BULLIES DAY! Come in, come in, and take a seat!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

Okay I totally made that up. But let's stand up to bullies on this beautiful Sunday. If you were, or are, the victim of bullying share your story here. Tell us how you found your voice. Tell us how someone came to your aid. If you are, or were, a bully post your story as well. Tell us how you made the decision to change. Tell us what you're doing to make a change. No bashing. This should be a totally empowering and uplifting post!!! Have at it ladies!!

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:05 PM
Mine left this site, there's not really anything to stand up to anymore but I feel like I won.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:10 PM

When did it start? How long did it go on?

Quoting Anonymous:

Mine left this site, there's not really anything to stand up to anymore but I feel like I won.


parentalrights1
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:24 PM

Well I've kinda been on both sides.

I'm not sure when in my childhood the bullying really started, but it started really getting bad about in the 5th grade or so.

When I was younger it was the more childish (but still hurtful to a child) stuff. Like everything you touch, the other kids will laugh and scream that they don't want to touch it now, or they will act like they are desperately disinfecting it with their hands. I'd also get stuff thrown at me during class or get called ugly and get ridiculed if I so much as got a hair cut. If someone found out I had a crush, they'd all yell it out for the class and unanimously taunt and laugh at me and go out of their way to make me cry. My desk and belongings would get stolen and vandalized. Pretty much as bad a bunch of ten year old could be.

Middle school was probably some of the worst of it.I had some of the same bullies from the 5th grade. I had moved, but moved back. It would start at the bus stop everyday. Kids seem to have a mob mentality. There's a power trip that comes with it. If there is someone weaker and easy to pick on then they feel it makes the look cooler or more powerful to their peers. They would pick on me and others would rally around. Sometimes take my stuff. There was a time as I was walking to the bus stop, some girls hid behind a wall with a used condom on the end of a stick and tried to jump out at me and throw it at me, but they missed thankfully.

People always ask "Why didn't you do something about it? Kick their asses. Hell I was bullied and I just kicked their asses! What's your problem?"

To that I don't have an easy answer. At some point my self esteem and confidence was shot so low that I didn't know how to defend myself. I couldn't fight. If I hit someone they would win. I didn't know how to learn. Scared to try. Trying to win a battle of wits was impossible. Usually just resulted in getting laughed at and everyone shouting "Good one!" in a sarcastic tone. It made me scared to speak up sometimes, because I had a hard time being able to distinguish between a clever comment and a lame one.

Of course more would go on in the classes and in the halls between classes. Lunches weren't fun either. Bullies were always their worst with an audience. If I was alone with one, they might make a smartass comment or something, but it only got amped up when there was someone else around. Again. Easy target means you're not likely to get put in your place if you pick on them, so you get to look powerful. Obviously though, this is stuff I had to figure out when I grew up. It's not that obvious to a kid in the situation.

If you did anything embarrassing, they'd never let you forget it.

When I was in high school, it started to tone down. There was an incident where I went ahead and went out with a boy for a little bit who was also socially awkward. I shouldn't have. I don't think I really liked him so much as just wanted to feel like I could get a date, but I had moved. I was in a different state and noone knew me. I was automatically a little higher on the social ladder and was getting picked on for dating him.

This is where my behavior was a little shallow. I hated the negative attention. Wasn't really getting to where I liked him anyway. To be honest he was kind of a douche, but I think he was a douche because he didn't know how else to behave with a girl. I had a level of understanding there, where what seems obvious to everyone is completely hard for you. Either way I broke up with him. I wasn't mean. I just knew I didn't like him. It wasn't going anywhere. I didn't like the way he was with me, and the annoying comments weren't helping either. I just gently said, "Hey, I don't think this is gonna work. I think we should just break it off"

The next day I had random bitchy girls asking me, "Hey did you give ___ head?" I was like...." Uh... no?"

"Well that's not what he said! You might as well just admit it. Everyone knows!" (As if somehow my sex life or lack there of is anyone else's business anyway)

I found out from mutual friends later that he was making comments like "fuck her, I did" A couple years later when people would ask him if it was really true, he would just avoid the subject, so eventually my friends at least knew he was full of shit.

But at some point I realized the powerful feeling of being the jerk. There was a kid getting bullied like I always did. I'm not proud of it, but I picked at him a little bit. Didn't go out of my way to make him miserable, but I would make jerk comments when he would speak. This is kind of how I figured out why people were assholes to me all the time. They knew the negative attention was not on them and that other people were kind of laughing with them as if they were doing something cool.

Of course I regretted it. I didn't want to be like that. There was no excuse for it. If I see him again, I'll apologize, but I don't know if I will, but last we talked we didn't seem to be on terrible terms. I just kind of see myself in him a little bit and wish I had given him the compassion noone would give me.

And I forgot to add, sometimes the victims get pegged as bullies. There were times that a bully or group of bullies would verbally attack me, but if I fought back, they would go to a teacher and tell them that I was picking on them. Some flat out lied and made false witness reports that i threatened them with pens or some shit. No matter how many times I told the principal that they were lying just to antagonize me, she still made me apologize "if there was a misunderstanding". I wish I had refused, but at the time, I thought I had to do what I was told. I didn't tattle when I was bullied because it did no good. The teachers either were just like "Stop fighting and get along" or just didn't want to hear it, so I just gave up. Noone did anything, but it sure felt like if a bully made up some bullshit, or made up some bullshit to their mom, I was in the office every damn time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:29 PM

Thank you for sharing that! Did you at least have a close friend to talk to? Maybe your best friend. Someone who you could talk to. Did you ever tell your parents?

Quoting parentalrights1:

Well I've kinda been on both sides.

I'm not sure when in my childhood the bullying really started, but it started really getting bad about in the 5th grade or so.

When I was younger it was the more childish (but still hurtful to a child) stuff. Like everything you touch, the other kids will laugh and scream that they don't want to touch it now, or they will act like they are desperately disinfecting it with their hands. I'd also get stuff thrown at me during class or get called ugly and get ridiculed if I so much as got a hair cut. If someone found out I had a crush, they'd all yell it out for the class and unanimously taunt and laugh at me and go out of their way to make me cry. My desk and belongings would get stolen and vandalized. Pretty much as bad a bunch of ten year old could be.

Middle school was probably some of the worst of it.I had some of the same bullies from the 5th grade. I had moved, but moved back. It would start at the bus stop everyday. Kids seem to have a mob mentality. There's a power trip that comes with it. If there is someone weaker and easy to pick on then they feel it makes the look cooler or more powerful to their peers. They would pick on me and others would rally around. Sometimes take my stuff. There was a time as I was walking to the bus stop, some girls hid behind a wall with a used condom on the end of a stick and tried to jump out at me and throw it at me, but they missed thankfully.

People always ask "Why didn't you do something about it? Kick their asses. Hell I was bullied and I just kicked their asses! What's your problem?"

To that I don't have an easy answer. At some point my self esteem and confidence was shot so low that I didn't know how to defend myself. I couldn't fight. If I hit someone they would win. I didn't know how to learn. Scared to try. Trying to win a battle of wits was impossible. Usually just resulted in getting laughed at and everyone shouting "Good one!" in a sarcastic tone. It made me scared to speak up sometimes, because I had a hard time being able to distinguish between a clever comment and a lame one.

Of course more would go on in the classes and in the halls between classes. Lunches weren't fun either. Bullies were always their worst with an audience. If I was alone with one, they might make a smartass comment or something, but it only got amped up when there was someone else around. Again. Easy target means you're not likely to get put in your place if you pick on them, so you get to look powerful. Obviously though, this is stuff I had to figure out when I grew up. It's not that obvious to a kid in the situation.

If you did anything embarrassing, they'd never let you forget it.

When I was in high school, it started to tone down. There was an incident where I went ahead and went out with a boy for a little bit who was also socially awkward. I shouldn't have. I don't think I really liked him so much as just wanted to feel like I could get a date, but I had moved. I was in a different state and noone knew me. I was automatically a little higher on the social ladder and was getting picked on for dating him.

This is where my behavior was a little shallow. I hated the negative attention. Wasn't really getting to where I liked him anyway. To be honest he was kind of a douche, but I think he was a douche because he didn't know how else to behave with a girl. I had a level of understanding there, where what seems obvious to everyone is completely hard for you. Either way I broke up with him. I wasn't mean. I just knew I didn't like him. It wasn't going anywhere. I didn't like the way he was with me, and the annoying comments weren't helping either. I just gently said, "Hey, I don't think this is gonna work. I think we should just break it off"

The next day I had random bitchy girls asking me, "Hey did you give ___ head?" I was like...." Uh... no?"

"Well that's not what he said! You might as well just admit it. Everyone knows!" (As if somehow my sex life or lack there of is anyone else's business anyway)

I found out from mutual friends later that he was making comments like "fuck her, I did" A couple years later when people would ask him if it was really true, he would just avoid the subject, so eventually my friends at least knew he was full of shit.

But at some point I realized the powerful feeling of being the jerk. There was a kid getting bullied like I always did. I'm not proud of it, but I picked at him a little bit. Didn't go out of my way to make him miserable, but I would make jerk comments when he would speak. This is kind of how I figured out why people were assholes to me all the time. They knew the negative attention was not on them and that other people were kind of laughing with them as if they were doing something cool.

Of course I regretted it. I didn't want to be like that. There was no excuse for it. If I see him again, I'll apologize, but I don't know if I will, but last we talked we didn't seem to be on terrible terms. I just kind of see myself in him a little bit and wish I had given him the compassion noone would give me.

And I forgot to add, sometimes the victims get pegged as bullies. There were times that a bully or group of bullies would verbally attack me, but if I fought back, they would go to a teacher and tell them that I was picking on them. Some flat out lied and made false witness reports that i threatened them with pens or some shit. No matter how many times I told the principal that they were lying just to antagonize me, she still made me apologize "if there was a misunderstanding". I wish I had refused, but at the time, I thought I had to do what I was told. I didn't tattle when I was bullied because it did no good. The teachers either were just like "Stop fighting and get along" or just didn't want to hear it, so I just gave up. Noone did anything, but it sure felt like if a bully made up some bullshit, or made up some bullshit to their mom, I was in the office every damn time.


winkyloafer
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:31 PM
I was about to say, it's actually National Dessert Day.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:33 PM

Seriously?! I love dessert. Yum

Quoting winkyloafer:

I was about to say, it's actually National Dessert Day.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:38 PM

http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/17464861/my_story_of_being_bullied_sexual_assault_and_self_harm

That is my story it was to long to post on here. but i was cyberbullied, sexually assaulted and just felt worthless

winkyloafer
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:38 PM
It is! I'm totally going to a bakery and sampling cheesecake for the occasion.


Quoting Anonymous:

Seriously?! I love dessert. Yum

Quoting winkyloafer:

I was about to say, it's actually National Dessert Day.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
parentalrights1
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:38 PM

My friends always moved or I always moved. Every now and then I got a friend that I would regularly hang out with, but it never really lasted more than a year or so. Not all understood. The one I had in fifth grade was picked on as bad as I was. I actually think she was probably abused at home. Looking back I remember being outside her house listening to her dad scream at her and threatening to slap her mom would she would try to speak up and her dad was always shooting pigeons with a blow gun. There were dead ones with darts sticking out of them around the neighborhood as well as live ones walking around with darts in them.

My mom I would tell stuff and there were times she called the school and well, I mentioned how well schools handle shit. Eventually, like I said it just because pointless unless it was something extreme, because I knew noone would do anything. It's not like anyone opted to drive me to school instead of putting me through the daily bullying. I don't know if they just couldn't or what, but my grandparents and parents were all living together so I don't know if their schedules just weren't flexible enough or what.

Now my mom acts like I never told her anything. She's like "Why didn't you tell me it was so bad?" I'm like "really bitch? Were that stupid?" Just because I didn't report every name call I got on my more mild days doesn't mean I wasn't telling her. She knew about gum being put in my hair. She knew that I had enemies that were being bitches all the time. She knew I was being bullied at the bus stop, but she genuinely seems clueless that I was bullied "so bad"

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you for sharing that! Did you at least have a close friend to talk to? Maybe your best friend. Someone who you could talk to. Did you ever tell your parents?

Quoting parentalrights1:

Well I've kinda been on both sides.

I'm not sure when in my childhood the bullying really started, but it started really getting bad about in the 5th grade or so.

When I was younger it was the more childish (but still hurtful to a child) stuff. Like everything you touch, the other kids will laugh and scream that they don't want to touch it now, or they will act like they are desperately disinfecting it with their hands. I'd also get stuff thrown at me during class or get called ugly and get ridiculed if I so much as got a hair cut. If someone found out I had a crush, they'd all yell it out for the class and unanimously taunt and laugh at me and go out of their way to make me cry. My desk and belongings would get stolen and vandalized. Pretty much as bad a bunch of ten year old could be.

Middle school was probably some of the worst of it.I had some of the same bullies from the 5th grade. I had moved, but moved back. It would start at the bus stop everyday. Kids seem to have a mob mentality. There's a power trip that comes with it. If there is someone weaker and easy to pick on then they feel it makes the look cooler or more powerful to their peers. They would pick on me and others would rally around. Sometimes take my stuff. There was a time as I was walking to the bus stop, some girls hid behind a wall with a used condom on the end of a stick and tried to jump out at me and throw it at me, but they missed thankfully.

People always ask "Why didn't you do something about it? Kick their asses. Hell I was bullied and I just kicked their asses! What's your problem?"

To that I don't have an easy answer. At some point my self esteem and confidence was shot so low that I didn't know how to defend myself. I couldn't fight. If I hit someone they would win. I didn't know how to learn. Scared to try. Trying to win a battle of wits was impossible. Usually just resulted in getting laughed at and everyone shouting "Good one!" in a sarcastic tone. It made me scared to speak up sometimes, because I had a hard time being able to distinguish between a clever comment and a lame one.

Of course more would go on in the classes and in the halls between classes. Lunches weren't fun either. Bullies were always their worst with an audience. If I was alone with one, they might make a smartass comment or something, but it only got amped up when there was someone else around. Again. Easy target means you're not likely to get put in your place if you pick on them, so you get to look powerful. Obviously though, this is stuff I had to figure out when I grew up. It's not that obvious to a kid in the situation.

If you did anything embarrassing, they'd never let you forget it.

When I was in high school, it started to tone down. There was an incident where I went ahead and went out with a boy for a little bit who was also socially awkward. I shouldn't have. I don't think I really liked him so much as just wanted to feel like I could get a date, but I had moved. I was in a different state and noone knew me. I was automatically a little higher on the social ladder and was getting picked on for dating him.

This is where my behavior was a little shallow. I hated the negative attention. Wasn't really getting to where I liked him anyway. To be honest he was kind of a douche, but I think he was a douche because he didn't know how else to behave with a girl. I had a level of understanding there, where what seems obvious to everyone is completely hard for you. Either way I broke up with him. I wasn't mean. I just knew I didn't like him. It wasn't going anywhere. I didn't like the way he was with me, and the annoying comments weren't helping either. I just gently said, "Hey, I don't think this is gonna work. I think we should just break it off"

The next day I had random bitchy girls asking me, "Hey did you give ___ head?" I was like...." Uh... no?"

"Well that's not what he said! You might as well just admit it. Everyone knows!" (As if somehow my sex life or lack there of is anyone else's business anyway)

I found out from mutual friends later that he was making comments like "fuck her, I did" A couple years later when people would ask him if it was really true, he would just avoid the subject, so eventually my friends at least knew he was full of shit.

But at some point I realized the powerful feeling of being the jerk. There was a kid getting bullied like I always did. I'm not proud of it, but I picked at him a little bit. Didn't go out of my way to make him miserable, but I would make jerk comments when he would speak. This is kind of how I figured out why people were assholes to me all the time. They knew the negative attention was not on them and that other people were kind of laughing with them as if they were doing something cool.

Of course I regretted it. I didn't want to be like that. There was no excuse for it. If I see him again, I'll apologize, but I don't know if I will, but last we talked we didn't seem to be on terrible terms. I just kind of see myself in him a little bit and wish I had given him the compassion noone would give me.

And I forgot to add, sometimes the victims get pegged as bullies. There were times that a bully or group of bullies would verbally attack me, but if I fought back, they would go to a teacher and tell them that I was picking on them. Some flat out lied and made false witness reports that i threatened them with pens or some shit. No matter how many times I told the principal that they were lying just to antagonize me, she still made me apologize "if there was a misunderstanding". I wish I had refused, but at the time, I thought I had to do what I was told. I didn't tattle when I was bullied because it did no good. The teachers either were just like "Stop fighting and get along" or just didn't want to hear it, so I just gave up. Noone did anything, but it sure felt like if a bully made up some bullshit, or made up some bullshit to their mom, I was in the office every damn time.



parentalrights1
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:39 PM

I'm sure if there were facebook and myspace in elementary and middle school that I would have gotten cyber bullied too, but there weren't.

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