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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

he's not right for me, but i love him

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
We've been living together for a year and a half. My DD is crazy about him. I am attracted to him, and I loved the way he used to love me. However, after five breakups, I think we have broken down. I'm not sure I remember how we got along before. We are raw and oversensitive and grudgy to each other after each "honeymoon" period. How can I break off from someone we love so much, when he and I have simply broken it? How do I stay strong enough to stay broken up?
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:38 AM
No idea here's a bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:42 AM

well if you throw in there that your preggo, you would be in the same boat as me. So sorry no advice to give :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:43 AM
Thank you. I'll be up for awhile if you have any ideas. :)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:45 AM
Oh damn. I'm sorry to hear that. I wish for clarity for you. And me.


Quoting Anonymous:

well if you throw in there that your preggo, you would be in the same boat as me. So sorry no advice to give :(


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:46 AM
I think the first question is why you guys broke up so many times before
wooly
by Knitting Maniac on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:54 AM

 If you've broken up that many times Please, Please don't marry him. I did that got back together and got married and had 3 kids. It was a 10 yr nightmare. I should never have married him and I knew it the night before and my friend that walked me down the aisle, kept telling me we could leave, I didn't have to do this. And stupidly i did it and lost 10 1/2 yrs of my life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:56 AM
I guess the best answer is that he's a lot of wonderful things: a great domestic partner, a great father figure that DD doesn't have otherwise, a great lover (sorry).
But, and I am being totally fair, he expects more sex than I can give, he goes into a depressive state after 2-3 days of no sex. I'm a full time salon owner and stylist, a mom, and sometimes I just don't have the energy. So, I'm tired, no sex, he gets depressed, I get mad because he's not appreciating my plight, he gets defensive, and so on, round and round.

I also am fighting a strong feeling that I would be better off without him. Without the grudge, the tension, the strain of failing every day. I hope I won't get bashed for saying I fear loneliness. I fear that I won't find another. Add the fact that I keep promising myself when we get back together that I will commit to the man I have and make my grass greener. I just fail.



Quoting Anonymous:

I think the first question is why you guys broke up so many times before

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:59 AM
Oh my gosh. Nope, no plans to marry. I know what I have to do. Just thought I'd fish for some good advice. You gave it to me, thank you. "we can leave, you don't have to do this" all over again :)


Quoting wooly:

 If you've broken up that many times Please, Please don't marry him. I did that got back together and got married and had 3 kids. It was a 10 yr nightmare. I should never have married him and I knew it the night before and my friend that walked me down the aisle, kept telling me we could leave, I didn't have to do this. And stupidly i did it and lost 10 1/2 yrs of my life.


3mommyandwifey
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 2:11 AM
I would try counceling first.If that does not help say your good byes and be friends.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2012 at 2:25 AM

the FIRST thing you gotta do is figure out if you want to be without him. i could probably be better off without my SO too. not saying that he drags me down, but we arent that committed to each other (no shared expenses, no living together, no kids together- just my one... no real future plans, etc)-- but i dont WANT to live my life without him, as my partner.

if you dont WANT him- tell him. its time for you guys to end the relationship and maybe start a friendship. i'm good friends with my ex (my son's dad)-- i love him, have love for him... but we'd NEVER work as a relationship. never did- never will. we are SO much better off as friends. there's no fighting, no grudges, none of that. i dont want to lose him as a friend- but i dont want him as a partner.


after you figure that out-- then its time to decide what would be better... if it'd be better to just be friends. i believe that some people are just meant to be friends; they give you support as a friend will... but sometimes, it doesnt work that way. another ex of mine; when we broke up, we broke up over mutual reasons- but we didnt want a friendship either.


IF you decide that its worth a shot at being together... that you WANT him as a partner-- you guys definitely need to talk and compromise. can he pick up the slack in the parenting so when you are home, there's not much 'mom duties' to do? does he help financially? not sure if you owning the salon and you being a stylist is at the same work environment/a 9-5 job- but if its not, maybe you can quit one, he picks up a job to make up for the loss, so all the financially responsibility isnt placed on you... that way, when he does want to be sexual, you arent stressing over finances, over household duties, over parental duties, etc.

also; he's gotta understand that sex is more than just sex to some females. i'd bet every dollar in my bank account that you are one of those females who swoon over intimate actions, than you really do over the actual act of sex. you want the hugs and long, deep kisses- with the eye to eye contact, the whispers of sweet nothings in your ears, the caress and gentle kisses/nibbles on your neck so when its time for the actual act- you're more invested than just "hey, lets fuck". lol

something my SO has learned over time... foreplay is NOT just a few minutes or 30 minutes before sticking it in... its a day long event. it starts in the morning, when you cook your partner breakfast, when you gently wake them up to start the day... to the nice "i'm thinking of you- how is your day going- you are my world" texts in the middle of the work day... to the foot rubs when you're sitting on the couch, relaxing from a long stressful day... it takes all of that, plus more, to get a female going.... and even if it doesnt- what female WOULDNT want all that? lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess the best answer is that he's a lot of wonderful things: a great domestic partner, a great father figure that DD doesn't have otherwise, a great lover (sorry).
But, and I am being totally fair, he expects more sex than I can give, he goes into a depressive state after 2-3 days of no sex. I'm a full time salon owner and stylist, a mom, and sometimes I just don't have the energy. So, I'm tired, no sex, he gets depressed, I get mad because he's not appreciating my plight, he gets defensive, and so on, round and round.

I also am fighting a strong feeling that I would be better off without him. Without the grudge, the tension, the strain of failing every day. I hope I won't get bashed for saying I fear loneliness. I fear that I won't find another. Add the fact that I keep promising myself when we get back together that I will commit to the man I have and make my grass greener. I just fail.



Quoting Anonymous:

I think the first question is why you guys broke up so many times before


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