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need help with child support

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

since you ladies all know everything I thought you could help. Tell me where to start.

Heres the deal. My boyfriend has 2 kids with 2 different women, the oldest is 12 and lives with us. The younger one lives with her mom in another state. The boyfriend just got a job in june and we are starting to get back on our feet. So last night he tells me he wants to start sending child support to his little girls mom. I am fine with this, he is her dad he should help support her. He hasnt paid any up until now. Anyway my question is how do we go about setting it up, cuz I dont want to just send her cash and then have her get mad at us and come back and say while hes never paid anything. And the amount he is wanting to send her every month is a good chunk of change. More then most moms get if they go to court and file for it. There is no order or nothing saying he has to pay anything, but he wants to take care of his daughter. So any help getting us pointed in the right direction would help

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2012 at 7:20 PM
Replies (21-30):
AccidentalAdult
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 4:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Keep a record of everything. My father never paid CS through the state office, he just sent my mom a check every month because it was in the divorce decree. I'm in Louisiana, though. Plus he started paying CS 14 years ago and stopped within the last 4 or 5 years, so I don't know if things have changed.

Quoting donna572:

I'm in TN and my ex doesn't pay child support thru the state office. In our divorce decree it states that the CS is to be paid thru the child support office and that my alimony is to be paid directly to me. Well, he writes one check each month for the CS and alimony and mails it to me; he does write in the memo what it's for though. My atty has told me that the court would not recognize this as CS and that he very possibly could be ordered to pay it all again. BUT when I called CS office to get my case number so I could look at my acct online, I was told there is no case # b/c they have no record of the order. And the lady I spoke with said that as long as he puts what the check is for, that would be ok. So finally my question is, WHO IS RIGHT, MY ATTY OR THE LADY AT CS OFFICE? Does anybody know cause if he could be ordered to pay it all again, I'd like to know how to get that ball rolling. He does pay me each month but him being a dad to my daughter stops there. He never calls her, he will not help with any kind of extra--even when it was counseling he wouldn't even pay half. So I wouldn't mind him paying it all again and I could put it all aside to start her college fund b/c I really don't see him helping with that either. Thanks for any info and sorry so long.


donna572
by Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 5:12 AM
It is in the decree that he pay it but it specifically states that 'the CS is to be paid thru the CS Office in Nashville on or before the first of the month' and that 'the alimony is to be paid directly to me on or before the first of the month'. So technically he is in contempt because he's not following the court order. I just am not sure if he'd have to pay it all again. like I said, my atty says that since the decree states it the way it does, and even with him writing on the check that it is CS, it would still be considered 'A GIFT'. He says that any $ that is given to me when it's been court ordered to be paid thru the state IS A GIFT. I just don't know how to find out who is correct, my atty or the lady at the cs office???
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AccidentalAdult
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 5:35 AM

I think they're both correct. Truthfully, *I* had to go after my ex for CS and if I had told the state that he was giving me x amount per month up until the time we went to court, they would have put that toward he arrearage. Since he hadn't paid me jack shit, I didn't say that.

So if the state tries to go after him for non-payment of CS, then all that has to be done is you and/or he show records that he has been paying the CS and that you don't want to pursue arrearage for those payments for that reason and it'll be dropped. Your ex is lucky you're not a total psycho bitch looking to fuck him over, because you totally could in this case.

Since your case isn't through the courts, the CS office lady is also correct. They have no record of the court order because it's not through the state. From what I understand, if your CS is in the divorce decree, you are not given a case number with the state. That's only if it is filed through the state.

So I would say that they are both correct. Should you choose to fuck him over, you probably could. But if you don't go after him saying that he hasn't paid, it's unlikely that he'll get into any trouble for it, IMO. And especially since he's likely kept a record of every check that he has given you and labeled them all as CS payments on the checks. The state is highly unlikely to go after him, since you don't have a CS case with them. Only you can go after him with that. He would have to prove that he's been paying the CS.

I'm no lawyer, this is just things as I understand them based on my limited knowledge and I admittedly could be completely wrong, but this seems to me like it would be the case.

Quoting donna572:

It is in the decree that he pay it but it specifically states that 'the CS is to be paid thru the CS Office in Nashville on or before the first of the month' and that 'the alimony is to be paid directly to me on or before the first of the month'. So technically he is in contempt because he's not following the court order. I just am not sure if he'd have to pay it all again. like I said, my atty says that since the decree states it the way it does, and even with him writing on the check that it is CS, it would still be considered 'A GIFT'. He says that any $ that is given to me when it's been court ordered to be paid thru the state IS A GIFT. I just don't know how to find out who is correct, my atty or the lady at the cs office???


thefiregoddess
by Ruby Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 5:49 AM
Call an attorney. Some states allow you to file a notorized document as court record.
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thefiregoddess
by Ruby Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 5:51 AM
Tennessee is funny in regards to this.

If you are on pa the rules are also very different.


Quoting AccidentalAdult:

I think they're both correct. Truthfully, *I* had to go after my ex for CS and if I had told the state that he was giving me x amount per month up until the time we went to court, they would have put that toward he arrearage. Since he hadn't paid me jack shit, I didn't say that.

So if the state tries to go after him for non-payment of CS, then all that has to be done is you and/or he show records that he has been paying the CS and that you don't want to pursue arrearage for those payments for that reason and it'll be dropped. Your ex is lucky you're not a total psycho bitch looking to fuck him over, because you totally could in this case.

Since your case isn't through the courts, the CS office lady is also correct. They have no record of the court order because it's not through the state. From what I understand, if your CS is in the divorce decree, you are not given a case number with the state. That's only if it is filed through the state.

So I would say that they are both correct. Should you choose to fuck him over, you probably could. But if you don't go after him saying that he hasn't paid, it's unlikely that he'll get into any trouble for it, IMO. And especially since he's likely kept a record of every check that he has given you and labeled them all as CS payments on the checks. The state is highly unlikely to go after him, since you don't have a CS case with them. Only you can go after him with that. He would have to prove that he's been paying the CS.

I'm no lawyer, this is just things as I understand them based on my limited knowledge and I admittedly could be completely wrong, but this seems to me like it would be the case.

Quoting donna572:

It is in the decree that he pay it but it specifically states that 'the CS is to be paid thru the CS Office in Nashville on or before the first of the month' and that 'the alimony is to be paid directly to me on or before the first of the month'. So technically he is in contempt because he's not following the court order. I just am not sure if he'd have to pay it all again. like I said, my atty says that since the decree states it the way it does, and even with him writing on the check that it is CS, it would still be considered 'A GIFT'. He says that any $ that is given to me when it's been court ordered to be paid thru the state IS A GIFT. I just don't know how to find out who is correct, my atty or the lady at the cs office???


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donna572
by Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 8:42 AM
But if it has been ordered to be paid thru the state, wouldn't there need to be a case number assigned for them to use to apply it to the correct court order? Just like at a doctors office, for instance, they assign an account number so that when payment is made it is posted to the correct persons bill. Maybe I'm being dense, I don't know. But thank you for your opinions. Greatly appreciated.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 18, 2012 at 9:42 AM

Thank you ladies for your help. Now I know what direction to atleast start making some calls.

donna572
by Member on Oct. 22, 2012 at 11:27 PM

 I do have an attorney and he is the one that told me that the ex could be made to pay it all again because the state has no record of him having paid any cs. I would NEVER lie and say he hasn't paid but I did call my local cs office and asked for my case number so that I could look it up online and see what all kind of info is there. But I was told that they have no record of it since it has never been entered into their system. So I'm somewhat confused, is what my atty says correct and maybe the lady at the cs office just didn't want to deal with it or was she correct? And if he could be made to repay it all again, how would I go about getting the ball rolling on that. I'm not wanting to out of revenge, but I'm thinking about the future for my daughter. See he will not contribute towards anything else, no matter what it is, even for counseling when she was going. And he's been missing his specified visitation times b/c he's so wrapped up in the gf who lives 3 states away and I know that it will only get worse. But I also know that as she gets on up in school, extras are gonna be more expensive and anything extra I can get out of him now would come in handy later on--like high school especially senior year stuff. So here again, I'm kinda stuck on how to find out for sure about this. But thanks for reading and for letting me vent a little.

Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Why are you butching if he's paying you? And by would you want him to pay it all again?

You could go up to the child support office and start a case and then it can come directly out of his check. But he probably won't have to pay sck support becuase support start from when it is filed.

If you true to file a motion for contempt for him simply not paying you through the state the judge would laugh at you. You could end up in trouble if you try to manipulate the situation to get him to pay again.


Quoting donna572:

It is in the decree that he pay it but it specifically states that 'the CS is to be paid thru the CS Office in Nashville on or before the first of the month' and that 'the alimony is to be paid directly to me on or before the first of the month'. So technically he is in contempt because he's not following the court order. I just am not sure if he'd have to pay it all again. like I said, my atty says that since the decree states it the way it does, and even with him writing on the check that it is CS, it would still be considered 'A GIFT'. He says that any $ that is given to me when it's been court ordered to be paid thru the state IS A GIFT. I just don't know how to find out who is correct, my atty or the lady at the cs office???

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donna572
by Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 2:00 PM
First off, you need to reread what my post said. I said nothing about filing a contempt charge. And I said that I would NEVER say that he hasn't paid. please go back and reread my post because it plainly states that if he were to pay again it would be used for extra curriculars for my dd since he will not contribute for anything extra--even when it was for counseling. And I'm not bitching about anything, I was just curious as to if my atty was correct or the lady at the cs office.
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