My confession: I just had a temper tantrum...sort of
I feel like it was a temper tantrum at least. I got yet another rejection email for a job that I interviewed for and was really hoping I would get. Right now, I have a job I hate that doesn't pay the bills. Yes, I have a fiance who pays half of OUR bills, but I would never ask him to pay on my credit cards or to pay my ginormous dental bill (he's offered, but he really can't afford it either)....those are what I'm struggling with, if I could just pay those off...I'd be fine. I would still hate my job but I'd be ok money wise. I came home from work today and broke down a little bit and cried only to hear from my fiance "I'm tired of your can't do attitude...you should be greatful to even havea job in the first place..you're just gonna have to suck it up and tough it out". SERIOUSLY.
That's when I lost it. I can't even feel sorry for myself after going on 8 interviews and getting 8 rejection emails, not to mention the rejection emails that I've gotten before I even get a call for an interview. After awhile, that shit takes a toll on your confidence. I got up and went to take a shower and bawled my eyes out for a good twenty minutes...and just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide.
And I am so tired of having to suck it up and tough it out. I am tired of putting my big girl panties on and putting that smile on my face evey single day when all I think about is if my account is going to be overdrawn at the end of the month. I've budgeted, cut costs, done everything I can and I always have too much month at the end of my money. I have a bachelor's degree and it is useless, I didn't need it to get the job I have now and jobs are so hard to come by that any one with even one more year experience than me is more qualified. THIS SUCKS.
I don't want to be grown up anymore.