Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

This is how I handle child support, my fiance' thinks it won't be fair to his son

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 224 Replies

I never wanted to be the mom who people accused of spending their kid's child support on themselves. So I what I did when child support was ordered was I made a list off all the bills that affect my kids: mortage, electricity, groceries, water, cable, internet etc. Then what I did was I divided it by 4 (me and 3 kids), then multiplied it by 3 (the kids) then divided that number by 2 (since supporting the kids is only half my ex's job). The number about 2/3 of the child support, so that 2/3 of the child support goes to the bills. The other 1/3 goes into a separate account where I match that number with my money and that is the money I use for clothes, activities, money for college savings and those things that come up throughout the month. I feel like this is the fairest way to make sure that child support is spent on the kids.I am about to get married so I will adjust the amount that I pay the bills with to refect that there will be 6 people (us plus me fiance and his son) living in the home instead of 4, so now there will be more money put in their account (though I will be raising the amount I put for their college savings so there won't be more extra money then before). Here is the problem, when I explained to my fiance' how I do this, he said it wouldn't be fair to his son because my kids would have more money for clothes and activities and more saved for college. He thinks that we should just divide the "extra' child support between all of our kids (his ex doesn't have to pay child support because in on disability). I don't feel right about that because then the money that is to go to my kids is going to another kid. At the same time, we don't really have the extra money to just take out of our own account for him (we have it but not to spend on whatever). How can I explain to him that money paid for my kids so belong to my kids without seeming like I don't care about his son?

Update:

We had a huge fight about this and almost ended our relationship. I told him that while my children are children, they have to come first and I am not going to take money that is to be used for them and give it to his son. Since I started getting child support, I have gone out of my way to make sure that it is spent on our kids so I am not going to change that now. We decided that until the kids are grown, we will keep our money separate. There will be 6 people living in the house so he will pay 1/3 of the bills and I will pay 2/3 and we will each be responsible for our own children's clothes and other needs. I also am encouraging him to put money away for his son like I do. I hate to keep the money separate like this but seems to be the only way. Also, I think he is going to try to go for child support (it won't be a lot because his ex is on disability) but at least it will be something.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:24 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:25 AM
4 moms liked this
So petty.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:26 AM
18 moms liked this

I am almost thinking that it might be a wise idea to keep our money separate until the kids graduate from high school

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:26 AM
You can't really. Does his ex receive disability benefits? You can have child support drawn from those benefits.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:27 AM
7 moms liked this
You shouldn't have to explain anything, child support is for your children, not his.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:27 AM
6 moms liked this

How is it petty to try to be fair about child support? How would you feel if you were paying a nice amount in child support but then found out that it's not even all going to your kids?

Quoting Anonymous:

So petty.


Maks1mommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:27 AM
11 moms liked this
Um, you shouldn't have to find a way to explain that. No offense but your guy is bonkers to think that the money you ex gives your children automatically belongs to his child too...
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:28 AM
3 moms liked this

She does but since she doesn't get much, he doesn't want to take from her , which I was fine with as long as he doesn't think he is going to take from my kids instead.

Quoting Anonymous:

You can't really. Does his ex receive disability benefits? You can have child support drawn from those benefits.


Greekmama21
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:28 AM

I would remind him that child support is not always a guarantee. You could, for some reason not get it and your ex is paying for your children, not his child. If you two were not married he would still have to support his own son, on his own. 

stephjohn
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:28 AM

Since ex is on disability he should be drawing a dependent check for his son and that would be the child support. I know because both of my parents were on it and that was how my mom got child support for me. Have y'all thought about that?

Becky.Mom.of.2
by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:28 AM


Quoting Maks1mommy:

Um, you shouldn't have to find a way to explain that. No offense but your guy is bonkers to think that the money you ex gives your children automatically belongs to his child too...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)