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SAHMs: does your DH help out?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 83 Replies

Does your DH help you out with any of the housework or kids? I know it's the SAHM's "job" to take care of the house, but does your DH do anything to help, like on weekends or when he's off?

My DH doesn't do anything. He leaves his shit everywhere. Clothes in the living room floor, beer bottles and plates of food on the coffee table. Mail strewn everywhere. He doesn't pay the bills or keep up with finances. He doesn't help at all with the kids, except taking them to school in the mornings on his way to work. Weekends, it's like I have an extra child. "Get me this" "Get me that" "wah wah wah".  I've tried to talk to him, he just ignores me. I've tried talking to his mother, even, and that doesn't do any good. She knows he's a lazy bastard, and has tried to help get him out of it, but nothing works. His seventeen year old sister is more of a grown up than his 25 year old ass is. 

I SAH, I take care of the kids, I grocery shop, I volunteer at the kids' school, I clean constantly, which is my job, I know, but on top of all of that, I take care of my disabled parents AND grandmother, do their grocery shopping, and their cleaning, and their errands. I take them to doctor appointments. I also babysit on Mondays from 7:30 am to 4pm. 

With me constantly on the go, taking care of everyone else, and TWO households, it would be nice if DH would at least pick up after himself.  He doesn't even offer to help. He sits and literally watches me struggle to get the kids to clean up their toys (they see him do nothing, so they don't want to do anything), and get them into bed, and he doesn't bother to help. I'm not saying he should do everything, every night, but hell, once a month at least, give the kids a damn bath and get them to bed. Take the trash out ONCE IN AWHILE. That's all I ask. But no. He doesn't even mow the lawn.

I know some will suggest counseling, or leaving him..both are out of the question, he refuses to go to counseling, and other than the fact that he's a lazy piece of shit, he at least has a good job, and most of the time, is a good person. I'm just exhausted, and have four parties (three birthday parties, and one ladies night out party) planned at the house all within a week of each other over the next month and a half. My house isn't filthy, but the laundry has piled up, and it could use a good deep clean, it'd just be nice to have some help.

Idk, maybe I'm being selfish and complaining. Like I said, I'm just mentally and physically exhausted right now.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
beerabitch69
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:52 PM
I never ask him to help. But once in a while he will do something. It actually bugs me when he does.
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ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:54 PM

Right now he doesn't do that much but he  is quite busy. He is working full time & in school full time & he is studying for his certs. He does take the kids once in a whle so I can have a bit of time off.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:56 PM

the only thing he does is take out the trash and help out with the laundry. occasionally on his days off he will make dinner. and he always helps out with the kids. but that about it. the rest of it falls on me. and thats fine. he goes to work everyday. the house is my responsibility. which is what I prefer cuz I have my own way of doing things and it bugs me if things aren't done right.

Hellobabies
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:56 PM
1 mom liked this
My DH is only home every other month (works overseas) but he absolutely helps when he is home (he is home for a month at a time). He is more anal about the house cleaning than I am so he always cleans up after himself and helps me clean up after the kids. Because he is away so much, he is completely hands on when it comes to the kids when is home. He takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to the park everyday so that I can cook dinner. He really is amazing and I am very fortunate that he is all mine. It's like a mini vacation every other month.
ajrjj05
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:57 PM

I would just say to mine you can do the dishes while I do laundry. 

Mamasgirl524
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:57 PM
I work at home, and hardly.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:58 PM

See, I'd unerstand if he had something to do, but he doesn't. He has the opportunity to go to school, his empolyer will PAY for it. WHY NOT? He's too lazy. He "works" full time, and by work, I mean he plays video games, surfs the internet, listens to music (he's an IT/Programmer, easy job to him, he says, been with the company five years, and is their top employee), and video chats with his best friend every day. I know this beacuse I've been to his job, and he IM's me constantly during the day with articles, music video links, all sorts of crap. When he's home, he doesn't do any work, he watches t.v. and plays video games.

Quoting ColtsFan1912:

Right now he doesn't do that much but he  is quite busy. He is working full time & in school full time & he is studying for his certs. He does take the kids once in a whle so I can have a bit of time off.


ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:59 PM

oh i understand. My DH use to be like that too. Before we had our son we both worked full time & I did a lot of OT. ..he still did nothing. 

Quoting Anonymous:

See, I'd unerstand if he had something to do, but he doesn't. He has the opportunity to go to school, his empolyer will PAY for it. WHY NOT? He's too lazy. He "works" full time, and by work, I mean he plays video games, surfs the internet, listens to music (he's an IT/Programmer, easy job to him, he says, been with the company five years, and is their top employee), and video chats with his best friend every day. I know this beacuse I've been to his job, and he IM's me constantly during the day with articles, music video links, all sorts of crap. When he's home, he doesn't do any work, he watches t.v. and plays video games.

Quoting ColtsFan1912:

Right now he doesn't do that much but he  is quite busy. He is working full time & in school full time & he is studying for his certs. He does take the kids once in a whle so I can have a bit of time off.



Prayers for Chuck Pagano, Colts coach. Fighting Leukemia.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:59 PM

I asked if he would do the dishes once a week, since we don't have a dishewasher, and he will wash one dish then yell for me to come dry for him because he doesn't want to do it. I'll ask him to take the trash out on his way outside to smoke or leave for work, he makes our daughter do it (she's five, for fucks sake).

Quoting ajrjj05:

I would just say to mine you can do the dishes while I do laundry. 


SamsMomSays
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I'm a SAHM and my DH helps a lot. He makes breakfast, cleans up after dinner, takes out the trash, and generally maintains the house.
I'm sorry your DH isn't helpful. It sounds like you do a lot, and I'm exhausted just reading about it. Maybe you can try picking a specific task or two, and ask him nicely. "Honey, I know you work hard and I appreciate it. I wonder if you could please just help me out by taking out the trash. It will only take a moment and then you and I can have an extra minute or two together. I'd love to hear about your day". Then praise the hell out of him for anything he ever does to help. Kill him with kindness and make him feel appreciated for every little thing. (Even though you shouldn't have to, sounds like he needs some direction)
It sounds like you are both busy people with a lot going on in your lives. Good luck, mama!
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