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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Daughter had friend stay over last night. This can't be normal?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This is sort of long, but I need some opinions...

Alright, my daughter has a friend in school. They're in 1st grade. This girl doesn't talk at all. I knew about the girl two years ago when the teacher had written me a note about how 'this little girl who doesn't speak' has started hanging out with my daughter. She was basically relaying a message from her mother who wanted to set up a play date to try to get her daughter to be more comfortable around people. Okay, so that was two years ago. Since then, they've become good friends and I hear about her all the time, but she had never been over to play ... until last night.

I didn't realize how awkward the situation was going to be, but let me tell you, it was ODD. It started with simple comments like "What did you girls do in school today?" to "Hey, I like your sweater!" to "What do you want for dinner?" She would not respond to ANYTHING. I mean, wouldn't even look me in the eye. Now, she talks to my daughter -- a lot. They play great together. I finally got to the point of just using my daughter to ask her questions and then she would give me her answer. It was very awkward. I'm generally pretty good around kids and kids tend to like me, but this little gal threw me for a loop.

It gets worse. I'm making pizza last night in the kitchen and all of a sudden this girl gets up and comes and smacks me in the butt and starts punching me. At that point, I'm thinking "omg" but I figure 'okay, anything is better than nothing', so I start acting silly as well and start rough housing with the girls. Let me tell you, this little 7 year old is built like a football player and she's ridiculously strong for her age. She literally tackled me to the ground and almost broke my glasses. She is beyond aggressive. I also caught her punching my daughter in the head. The girl almost acts possessed. It is so weird. Beyond that, she's like ridiculously smart and she does listen when I tell her to do something (ex: go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth). She does have two brothers and I know the one is pretty wild. So, should I just overlook all of this and just assume it's a result of being in a house with rambunctious boys or is this NOT normal at all?

Oh .. and she was trying to french kiss my daughter as well. Her mom called last night too and asked how she was doing because this is the first time she had ever been to a friend's house. I told her she hadn't talked to me but they were playing good together and having fun. Her mom laughed and told me, "oh, she probably won't -- that's just her, but as long as she's isn't biting, punching, or beating you up then all is good." I don't know if I should have said something or not. I didn't because I didn't want to make her feel bad, but this tells me this is apparently normal behavior at home. OMG. Is my child just an unusually good child or is this other girl NOT normal? I was pretty much in shock after her stay.

I want to add a little bit about her family too, seems how abuse assumptions are coming up. I've associatied with her family a bit just because they go to the same school and they're often at functions and what not. Her mother is a well-educated woman. She's actually a physical therapist. Her father is a big-wig at a large corporation. When I first met this family, I was almost intimidated. They have a beautiful home, good jobs, the picture-perfect family. Almost too perfect. I've seen them at the beach before and have seen how they interact with their kids. Nothing ever seemed too strange to me; although, one comment her mother said has stuck in my mind and it really disturbed me. Her daughter was standing by her side at the beach one afternoon and she was saying how she wished her son had her daughter's build and vice versa (her son is skinny; her daughter is more stocky but by no means fat -- she's actually a beautiful little girl). I wish I could have stood up and been a little stronger that day and said something to her mother after that comment because I felt it was SO wrong to say that ESPECIALLY in front of your own child. Now I don't know if this was just a rare comment or if this is something fairly common in that household, but if that poor girls ends up with some eating disorder some day -- I think I will know how it began. Now, her mother is a beautiful woman. Many would envy her good looks and she 'appears' to be a very nice woman ... but like I said, almost too perfect. Something seemed odd to me when I first met them a couple years ago and last night just made me even more worried. Just a weird feeling. I don't even know what to do?

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Replies (31-40):
mamoore83
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:32 PM
Yeah the child acting like that is not normal. Something is wrong with her or the family life.
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AdensMommy1107
by Emerald Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Not normal. I would definitely bring it up with her mother
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Elayna90
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:34 PM
Not normal. And honestly, you need to tell her mom so that her mom knows what to work on. Because someone else's parent might not be so nice and understanding.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:35 PM
I agree. Sounds like autism.

Quoting Apollos82:

It sounds like the child is autistic and under-treated, to be honest.



ETA: NOT normal behavior.



What did you do about the kissing??
Ninjabubble
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:37 PM
At first I was thinking selective mutism but then once I read on I don't know what!!
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rnmom4lif
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:37 PM

not normal but idk if i would jump to abuse- sounds to me like the little girl has something going on----maybe autistic? if i were her mother id be taking her to some sort of specialist because thats not how a normal 7 year old should be acting. 

EmmaGlenn20
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:39 PM

That is very odd...it's nice of you to be so sensitive to her mother's feelings but in this case I would say something (politely of course.)

mamoore83
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:39 PM
I'm sorry but abuse has nothing to do with education. I'm not saying that she is being abused but if so just because she's educated doesn't mean it doesn't happen
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LoveMyLos
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:42 PM
WaIt. The kid hit and punched you, punched your dd in the head, and kissed her...and u did nothing????? Smh
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:42 PM

I didn't really know what to do when she did that at dinner time. I was veering between explaining that it was not acceptable and just joining in on the "fun". I went the rough-housing route and played along. After that episode, I would try to get her to talk by saying "okay, a pinch for yes; a poke for no?" I was saying it jokingly as it did cross my mind that was just her odd way of communicating. Maybe that was the wrong route to go, but I was desperate to get her try to talk or respond in SOME way. She wouldn't respond at all after that. I mean, I would ask her something and she would turn her head and walk away. Very awkward.

I edited my original post and put a little bit about her family. Read it and tell me what you think. Abuse has crossed my mind several times, but I just don't want to make such a rash assumption about that. My daughter has been over to her house twice -- once for a birthday party and another time to play. Nothing was said by my daughter other than she had fun.

Thanks for your insight though. Very helpful. I don't know much about autism at all, but you have peaked my curiosity. I'm going to look into it more because I am really quite concerned for this little gal. I just don't know how to respond to certain behaviors.

Quoting Apollos82:

Autistic children often tend to pick ro whom they will and will not speak, yes. It's normal for them, disconcerting for us.

I don't think your daughter is in harms way, so really, all you can do is keep an eye on them when together, and ensure that they are supervised at school. I might not let your daughter play at the friend's house, though...

Also, you may want to look into autistic behaviors so that you can be aware of an abusive home life for this friend vs. "normal" autistic tendencies.

And bear in mind her veering you up may have been her way of "saying" she liked the dinner! lol Sometimes, non-verbal kids say thank you in strange ways.


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't do anything. Neither of them knew I had saw it. I heard my daughter say "Eww. Don't kiss me!" And I guess that was the end of that.

Forgive me for my lack of awareness on autism, but would it be normal for her to speak to my daughter but not anyone else? I could hear them playing upstairs and they were acting like two normal kids (aside from her trying to kiss her and the punching her in the head episode). I asked my daughter how long it took for her friend to talk to her when they were in pre-k and she said, "oh, like half a year".


Quoting Apollos82:

It sounds like the child is autistic and under-treated, to be honest.



ETA: NOT normal behavior.



What did you do about the kissing??



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