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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Daughter had friend stay over last night. This can't be normal?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This is sort of long, but I need some opinions...

Alright, my daughter has a friend in school. They're in 1st grade. This girl doesn't talk at all. I knew about the girl two years ago when the teacher had written me a note about how 'this little girl who doesn't speak' has started hanging out with my daughter. She was basically relaying a message from her mother who wanted to set up a play date to try to get her daughter to be more comfortable around people. Okay, so that was two years ago. Since then, they've become good friends and I hear about her all the time, but she had never been over to play ... until last night.

I didn't realize how awkward the situation was going to be, but let me tell you, it was ODD. It started with simple comments like "What did you girls do in school today?" to "Hey, I like your sweater!" to "What do you want for dinner?" She would not respond to ANYTHING. I mean, wouldn't even look me in the eye. Now, she talks to my daughter -- a lot. They play great together. I finally got to the point of just using my daughter to ask her questions and then she would give me her answer. It was very awkward. I'm generally pretty good around kids and kids tend to like me, but this little gal threw me for a loop.

It gets worse. I'm making pizza last night in the kitchen and all of a sudden this girl gets up and comes and smacks me in the butt and starts punching me. At that point, I'm thinking "omg" but I figure 'okay, anything is better than nothing', so I start acting silly as well and start rough housing with the girls. Let me tell you, this little 7 year old is built like a football player and she's ridiculously strong for her age. She literally tackled me to the ground and almost broke my glasses. She is beyond aggressive. I also caught her punching my daughter in the head. The girl almost acts possessed. It is so weird. Beyond that, she's like ridiculously smart and she does listen when I tell her to do something (ex: go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth). She does have two brothers and I know the one is pretty wild. So, should I just overlook all of this and just assume it's a result of being in a house with rambunctious boys or is this NOT normal at all?

Oh .. and she was trying to french kiss my daughter as well. Her mom called last night too and asked how she was doing because this is the first time she had ever been to a friend's house. I told her she hadn't talked to me but they were playing good together and having fun. Her mom laughed and told me, "oh, she probably won't -- that's just her, but as long as she's isn't biting, punching, or beating you up then all is good." I don't know if I should have said something or not. I didn't because I didn't want to make her feel bad, but this tells me this is apparently normal behavior at home. OMG. Is my child just an unusually good child or is this other girl NOT normal? I was pretty much in shock after her stay.

I want to add a little bit about her family too, seems how abuse assumptions are coming up. I've associatied with her family a bit just because they go to the same school and they're often at functions and what not. Her mother is a well-educated woman. She's actually a physical therapist. Her father is a big-wig at a large corporation. When I first met this family, I was almost intimidated. They have a beautiful home, good jobs, the picture-perfect family. Almost too perfect. I've seen them at the beach before and have seen how they interact with their kids. Nothing ever seemed too strange to me; although, one comment her mother said has stuck in my mind and it really disturbed me. Her daughter was standing by her side at the beach one afternoon and she was saying how she wished her son had her daughter's build and vice versa (her son is skinny; her daughter is more stocky but by no means fat -- she's actually a beautiful little girl). I wish I could have stood up and been a little stronger that day and said something to her mother after that comment because I felt it was SO wrong to say that ESPECIALLY in front of your own child. Now I don't know if this was just a rare comment or if this is something fairly common in that household, but if that poor girls ends up with some eating disorder some day -- I think I will know how it began. Now, her mother is a beautiful woman. Many would envy her good looks and she 'appears' to be a very nice woman ... but like I said, almost too perfect. Something seemed odd to me when I first met them a couple years ago and last night just made me even more worried. Just a weird feeling. I don't even know what to do?

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Replies (41-50):
Sanctimommy
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:42 PM

If I caught one of my kids' so-called 'friends' bonking them in the head while visiting, I'd have called their parents to come fetch them a.s.a.p.

If one of them started hitting me while visiting with absolutely no warning or reason, I'd call their parents to fetch them right away.

I am a bit confused about how you say the little girl doesn't talk at all and then go on to say that she talks often to your daughter. Either she does or she doesn't. Which is it? If she does talk, but decides to be rude and ignores adults, then she may come back when she has learned her manners. I wouldn't let a child come role-model behavior like that for my kids to imitate later on. If she does talk, but has a developmental disability that somehow keeps her from talking with people who she doesn't know well, I'd have a talk with my kids so that they knew that they themselves have no such reason to ever behave like this. 

Either way, though, we have always had a standing 'no hitting' rule for our home and violaters were shown the door fairly quickly.

babylove041810
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:44 PM
Autistic was my first thought too...

Quoting Apollos82:

It sounds like the child is autistic and under-treated, to be honest.



ETA: NOT normal behavior.



What did you do about the kissing??
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bear.katten
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:47 PM
It sounds like she is abused. Some abusive parents hide it VERY well. I know its not your job but if you had her over a lot (like several times a week just for a few hours after school) you may be able to really help her. And if she stops this behavior when around you then I'm almost positive she is abused. She may even open up to you after a few months. I hope you try to help her :-( She could have a mild form of autism as well but if she talks to your daughter it tells me that there is something fishy going on at home, she trusts your daughter and thats why she talks only to her. Your daughter is amazing btw for being friends with this girl, most other little girls would make fun of someone like this. You should tell your daughter how proud you are of her for being so nice and understanding of someone who's a little different!
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Sammybby09
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:47 PM

Yes, I know.  I am aware of what it is. My sister has it. Thank you though

Quoting Apollos82:

Autism is not a psychological disorder.

Quoting Sammybby09:

I'll agree with some moms here and say sounds like some kind of psychological disorder like autism. 


Sammybby09
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:49 PM

and I meant "or" not "like" Too many things trying to focus on. *sorry*

Quoting Apollos82:

Autism is not a psychological disorder.

Quoting Sammybby09:

I'll agree with some moms here and say sounds like some kind of psychological disorder like autism. 


tiffanydearing
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:49 PM

sounds like the friend has an autism spectrum disorder.

Apollos82
by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:50 PM
I totally understand that! lol Too much on a mom's brain--happens to me all the time.

Quoting Sammybby09:

and I meant "or" not "like" Too many things trying to focus on. *sorry*


Quoting Apollos82:

Autism is not a psychological disorder.



Quoting Sammybby09:

I'll agree with some moms here and say sounds like some kind of psychological disorder like autism. 


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smurfbitebug
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:50 PM

 That little girl seems to need an adult in her life that she can actually trust. I would suggest, if you're up to the task, that you invite her over more often, and keep an eye on her, but be open to her as well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:51 PM

She does talk to my daughter. She will not talk to anyone else. I knew this fact a couple years ago. Even her teacher said something about it to me in conferences about how she has taken a liking to my daughter but will not communicate with anyone -- not even her. I've seen this girl in plays at school and she doesn't participate in anything. I've talked to my daughter about the situation and she tells me, "she doesn't talk to people mom because she's shy". Words from a 7 year old. I believe there's an underlying condition going far beyond being "shy", but should I get into that with a seven year old? I'm thinking not. I did put a stop to the head punching. That isn't acceptable. I guess I failed in not talking to her mother about this. It will probably come to that point, but I just simply didn't know what to do at the time. I'm a mother, but I don't know everything. I fail in a lot of things, but the bottom line in all this -- I am concerned. That's why I'm asking for opinions.

Quoting Sanctimommy:

If I caught one of my kids' so-called 'friends' bonking them in the head while visiting, I'd have called their parents to come fetch them a.s.a.p.

If one of them started hitting me while visiting with absolutely no warning or reason, I'd call their parents to fetch them right away.

I am a bit confused about how you say the little girl doesn't talk at all and then go on to say that she talks often to your daughter. Either she does or she doesn't. Which is it? If she does talk, but decides to be rude and ignores adults, then she may come back when she has learned her manners. I wouldn't let a child come role-model behavior like that for my kids to imitate later on. If she does talk, but has a developmental disability that somehow keeps her from talking with people who she doesn't know well, I'd have a talk with my kids so that they knew that they themselves have no such reason to ever behave like this. 

Either way, though, we have always had a standing 'no hitting' rule for our home and violaters were shown the door fairly quickly.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Oct. 27, 2012 at 10:52 PM
I once had a student who didn't talk from kinder to 2nd grade and then she began talking. I had her in 2nd and 3rd grade. You would never have known she was non-verbal by the time she was a third grader if you hadn't known her history. The thing that bothers me is the aggression. I would tell the mom.
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