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I'd be lying if I said I feel "love" for this baby...**EDIT**EDIT 2 i had my baby**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have viewed this baby more as a burden than a blessing ...yes we wanted to have another baby and I thought that I'd be overjoyed when I got a positive, make that SIX, pregnancy tests. But ever since the beginning I have felt a disconnect to this baby and am in no way excited to hold him or interested to see what he looks like.

I feel absolutely awful that I have absolutely no joy in my heart for his arrival other then that I won't have to be kicked repeatedly and have my insides scraped and rolled on. I ask myself everyday what the hell was I thinking. At first I thought it was because I was grieving from not only a miscarriage but the death of a friend but now I'm worried it goes deeper then that. When I think about having him I just want to sob.

I never experienced anything like this before and it has me a little concerned. I find myself being snappy and short with my two year old because of this thing growing inside of me that feels like it is literally sucking the life right from my soul. I feel very ashamed of being so angry at something I wanted so bad.

My husband sits and talks about how he is SO excited for him to get here and sits and daydreams how our two year old is going to react and yadda yadda and I have flat out told him that the feeling isn't mutual and that I sometimes wish we would've never gotten pregnant with him. I mean sometimes I get a little excited but for the most part I am almost emotionally unresponsive to him.

When he kicks or moves I find myself getting annoyed and have to remind myself to be grateful for being able to carry life and that its better to feel him moving rather than not. I don't know if it's the time of year or the increase in stretch marks or what that is making me feel like this but it has me scared that I'm going to develop post partum depression or something.




**EDIT**
Thank you for all of the thoughtful comments,words of encouragement and advice. I have my 38 week OB tomorrow and feel more at ease bringing this situation to light with him.

Also to those of you worried that I might hurt the baby or neglect him let me reassure you by telling you that my mom is coming up to help me get the hang of handling the demands of my toddler and new baby and will be here for at LEAST two weeks so I will never be alone with the baby.


**EDIT 2 I HAD MY BABY**
I had my baby on Thursday at 11:41 and everything so far is fine except for the fact that my two year old doesn't seem very interested in me which bums me out :( However he is in love with his baby brother. But baby is healthy and the birth was scary and totally different then my first. He's a perfect little peanut :)

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 7, 2012 at 3:16 AM
Replies (321-330):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 68 on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sure once you see your baby face, you will love him as much as your other child.

mommyT3612
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:56 PM
1 mom liked this

i think when you become a mom again you could feel the way you do we as moms do alot we are moms;wife; taxie driver; care giver;;nurse we do so mush for everyone so when you say you are having a hard time with this one its ok go and talk to someone maybe that will help go see your docter and maybe when the baby come you will be ok with the baby good luck and i will keep you in my prayers.

BellaByrdie
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I went through something similar with my youngest child. I was going through a really really rough time with my husband. It did change after I had her and I love her as much as my other child. Seek some help let your doctor know what is going in. So he can be clued in. He maybe able to get you some help now and more help when the baby comes.
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backtomommy
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:59 PM

I read what you had to say,and my feelings on this is without reading any responses is that i actually had a smile on my face,not because it's funny the way your feeling,because it just sounds so hormonal.

I got pregnant at 38.My last child was born in 98 and my first in 91.I'm 40 now with a 1 yr old.It's ok to feel what your feeling,a baby is sooo demanding and needy.Life changes once again...thank God for moms who are able to come and help out.I had mine as well.But just like everything in life changes,we adjust.You'll be fine,i pray for you and your little ones...when i heard my baby cry and got to see him ohhh my gosh...best feeling ever.

DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:59 PM

And to share my story, with my first born I was the complete opposite of you OP. I was attentive to my pregnancy and couldn't wait until my first child was born. BUT when he was born, I didn't feel any emotional connection or bond at all with my son. I sought the help that I needed, and I was able to gain that connection that I thought I would never have. It isn't exactly the same of course, as you are suffering during pregnancy. But hormones, and all the things going in your life at the moment definitely have an impact on your feelings and how you are coping with this now. 

I commend you on recognising that you need some help. Let us know how you go, and if you ever need to talk feel free to send me a message.

GrannyPink
by Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this

If it were me or my daughter I would advise to write every word you have written down here and take it with you to your doctor so you won't chicken out and not tell him what is really going on inside of you. I know you are not the first Mom to feel this way and you won't be the last but you have to be honest with your doctor so he or she can help you through it. I don't know where you are religeously but I will say a prayer for you and your family. Remember you are worth the extra time the doctor will spend with you. We are people. Not cattle. I'll tell you something else to. Those nurses are angles. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

21lisa72
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 7:00 PM
Actually I am a rn that worked mental health for about 8 years so I have more knowledge than you and the average person. Have dealt with women like this and often it is deep rooted and can be selfish as well not saying she doesn't need help I despise the way you and others are treating me and others in similar situations. So go comment somwhere else please and thank you

Quoting young_mommy_2:

I kind of felt like that with my 2nd child. I felt like she was going to take the attention aay from my son and I didn't want her literally my whole pregnancy. I even considered the 2 alternatives over and over. But once she came it was gone! And she is now 1 and half and I could never imagine my life without her! I'm so happy I made it through depression and now I look back and wish I would've been happier durning pregnancy. But like I said once she got here all my bad feelings were GONE!!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 69 on Nov. 7, 2012 at 7:01 PM

I really think you should express how you feel to your family doctor.  You may suffer from depression currently which could turn into post-partum depression.  I felt very similar to you with my third baby (others were 2 1/2 and 20 months when he was born).  Today I have a 6, 4, and 2 1/2 year old and feel MUCH better.  

You're not a bad person or Mommy.  Sometimes life just gets more than we can handle and we shut down.  I promise you'll be ok soon enough :)  God never gives you more than you can handle! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 70 on Nov. 7, 2012 at 7:04 PM

You have a 2 year old, I hear you my son was 17 months old and I came home with twins one normal the other Downsyndrom. Did I like the situation NO my kids are 12 and 10 it's been a rocky road hang in there everything will change once you see how cute and adorable this baby is going to be think positive. Maybe the stress of your 2 year old is causing you to feel all these negative emotions and once Mom comes to help it will be good... Good Luck to you

Kelli_Jo_02
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 7:07 PM

Good luck..... I will be praying for you... Always remember how blessed that you nare to have children. My husband and I would do anything to have a child to call our own but we can't have kids so that may never happen.... If you would ever like to talk I would love to listen..... we will be praying for you!!!!!

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