DH and I quit smoking in 2002 when we got married. We knew we didn't want to smoke in our new home or around any children that would come along.
Even after having a child dx with severe diabilities in 2007 and then a surprise 3 years later, I resisted the temptation to start back up though it did cross my mind periodically.
Now, though, we are finding out that it is possible our youngest has some things going on that we will go the end of December to have him evaluated/tested/assessed to see what is going on. Add this to the fact that I decided to go college (online courses) to do something for me since I spend all my time and energy at Dr appointments, therapies, etc for my children. I feel like it is the straw that broke the camel's back. After all this time of being strong, I picked up a pack last week and have been sneaking outside to have one a night since then. Always after the kids are asleep and before DH comes home from his night shift. Weekends are a little more tricky to sneak out of the house for one. It doesn't help that our neighbors are nosey busybodies and I am feeling like a teenager sneaking a smoke so my parents don't find out! I don't like the taste, I hate the sneaking, but I do feel so much better after having one. I come in, jump in the shower and go to bed before DH comes home. All of this just so I can take a few deep breaths and feel a little calmer in my hectic life right now.
My biggest fear is getting hooked again. Though, I've had a night here or there I couldn't sneak out and I did just fine. I feel like I need this "crutch" til we get the results next month. I just hope that is what happens.