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if your daughter came to you and said she wanted to be

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Your dd is 18, graduated high school, has a scholarship for college.

One day she comes to you and says she doesnt want to go to college. All she wants to do is be a stay at home mom.

Your daughter doesnt even have a boyfriend.

How do you react?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:32 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:54 PM

I think all of us as parents want our kids to only desire the very best in life and when that very best doesn't match up to what the child once wanted or what WE want for them, it not only hurts us, it can be very frustrating and confusing.

At 18, the world is laid out at their feet. It's a very ambivalent time for them--exciting yet confusing because there is almost TOO many things they could (and should, per us) be doing.

I have to wonder if this friend's daughter might have seen one of her own friend's with a child and thought, "Heyy...coool!" Know what I mean?

Quoting Anonymous:

Its a hypothetical situation. My kids are still in elementary school. A friend is going through something similar.

Quoting Lizardannie1966:

If that is your choosing, yes.

I can't imagine a parent necessarily doing this, however. Were they to, I'd have to wonder just what type of conditions they place on those in their life in general?

It's not ideal to have your child change their mind about their future. But they shouldn't be punished for it, either.

Quoting Anonymous:

So since shes 18 and an adult I can tell her she can find her own place to stay to be a sahm?

Quoting Lizardannie1966:

She's 18 and technically an adult.

I would wonder what happened to her goals and dreams? And I'd ask that she at least reconsider and at least give college a try before turning down a remarkable offer (the scholarship).

But sorry to say it--at 18, it's ultimately their choice.

by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:54 PM
I think........


Quoting UgtaBkdnMe:

I'd tell her the best place to find a man who will be able to supprt her is in college.

by Ruby Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:55 PM
I'd tell her to take the scholarship anyway. She could date around and meet someone worthwhile. Hopefully. If she's adamant about no college, I'd make her get a job instead.
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by Gold Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:56 PM

Tell her ass to get to school and earn a degree so that she can be valuable in the workplace and not to be one finacially dependent on anyone without any marketable skills. Part of being a parent is making sure that you are responsible and ready to care for your child in all ways, including finacially , so that you can provide, food, clothes, and shelter in the case of an emergency.

by Gold Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:56 PM

My kid would not live with me if she wasnt in school of some kind or military, just a job wouldnt do it for me.  I fully support being a SAHM but if she isnt married and doesnt have kids she doesnt need to depend on that happening and needs to have a back up plan so school or you need to live on your own.

by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:58 PM
I would encourage her to go so she has something to fall back on incase life doesn't work out the way she plans but be completely supportive of her decision to want to be a sahm.
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by Anonymous 8 on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:58 PM
Ill tell her find a goo guy on college or has good career about to finish it.... maybe a lawyer or doctor or something i think thats hot.
by Anonymous 9 on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:59 PM
I would tell her that's fantastic. Except cultivating humans is hard work and rather mentally taxing. In order to be a good mom and a good wife she should be educated and have something for herself. How is she going to find a man that can afford her the luxury of staying home? (College) how is she going to keep said husband interested if she isn't smart enough to keep up conversation. College isn't just to be e something it's to earn how to think. To expand your mind and set the foundation for building block learning. If you can go to college, go you will find it invaluable.
by Ruby Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:59 PM

Tell her it's not realistic to do this until she is fully educated and has some work experience under her belt so that she can support herself and her kids if need be.   Remind her that marriages fail, spouses die or get injured, the economy sucks and people lose their jobs.  It's possible to do it all.  I worked when I had one child. Stayed home for 10 years when I had another child and now I am back to work again.  Every stage has it's merits and those experiences make us who we are.  The more experiences in life the better I think.

by Pagan Mother on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:59 PM

My life has been far from fairy tale....

My first husband turned out to be abusive so I left him. I had two kids then. I did have to work to support the kids and I and I hated it but it was necessary.

I married again, again became a SAHM, had two more kids and tho he was a nice enough guy we were better friends than lovers and we decided to divorce....Again, I went to work. No it was never easy but I managed.

I married again, adopted my step daughter, and had a son. I am a SAHM again, homeschooling the kids and living off the land as much as possible. It has always been my dream to live off the land.

I do think education is important, and becoming more so with this economy. In fact my oldest daughter, who will be 21 next month is in college. I fully support her decision.

However if she chose to marry and raise babies, I would be ok with that too. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting wrensong:

I would support her. At 18 that's what I wanted to be, so I did....I'm 40 now, still a SAHM, have 6 kids and I am totally happy with how my life has turned out

I am so happy that it worked out for you and it is a beautiful thing to be a proud and happy wife and mother of six lovely children. Sadly, the divorce rate is 48 percent and climbing so millions of women out there have not faired so well and the number one way women and children are plunged into poverty is through divorce. I am not trying to be negative or cynical but doesn't it make more sense to have the necessary education and marketable job skills to take care of yourself and your children if the " happily ever after dream" does not become your reality?

Life in a Pagan Family (my blog)
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