I was 17 when my DD was born and I beat her. I was abused as a child and was abused by my ex. I knew better but I still did it. I hit her everytime she cried, and I mean everytime. I hit her so much I think she would wet her pants because she was scared of me ( i never hit for wettting pants only screaming or crying) it was like I would lose complete control if she cried, I started hitting her at 2 yrs old. I also used to lock her in her room when she cried and just let her scream all night. I dont know why I did it, because I knew it was wrong but still did it. I stopped when she was about 4 and I left my ex ( only it took a few months after I left). She is now almost 16 and has depression and sees a therapist and I know its my fault. She claims to have no memory before she was 6 but dont know if thats true. I wish I had never done it and the guilt is terrible. I think about what I did EVERY SINGLE day but I'm scared to talk about it to a therapist because I am afraid they will take my other 2 who have never even been spanked. She is a great kid and never deserved what i did to her. She is a straight A student and very popular. Her meds have all but cured the depression and the therapist sees her weekly. I am sooo proud of her but I wish to God I had never done that and i dont know how to deal with the guilt. I have never told anyone what I did not even my current DH. He doesnt even know I had a temper like that since the other two dont even so much as get yelled at ( nor does she) but I just dont know how to deal with the guilt. I have been suicidal in the past because of it but not in a year or so. Telling you ladies is helping (although you can bash all you want because you cant do anything to me I haven't already done) because at least I have typed these words for the first time ever. I am anonymous because I dont want this getting to others for her sake and mine but just being able to talk about it is better than nothing.