I used to abuse my daughter

[Anonymous]

 I was 17 when my DD was born and I beat her.  I was abused as a child and was abused by my ex.   I knew better but I still did it.  I hit her everytime she cried, and I mean everytime.   I hit her so much I think she would wet her pants because she was scared of me ( i never hit for wettting pants only screaming or crying)  it was like I would lose complete control if she cried, I started hitting her at 2 yrs old.  I also used to lock her in her room when she cried and just let her scream all night.   I dont know why I did it, because I knew it was wrong but still did it.  I stopped when she was about 4 and I left my ex ( only it took a few months after I left).      She is now almost 16 and has depression and sees a therapist and I know its my fault.  She claims to have no memory before she was 6 but  dont know if thats true.    I wish I had never done it and the guilt is terrible.  I think about what I did EVERY SINGLE day but I'm scared to talk about it to a therapist because I am afraid they will take my other 2 who have never even been spanked.  She is a great kid and never deserved what i did to her.   She is a straight A student and very popular.  Her meds have all but cured the depression and the therapist sees her weekly.   I am sooo proud of her but I wish to God I had never done that and i dont know how to deal with the guilt.  I have never told anyone what I did not even my current DH.   He doesnt even know I had a temper like that since the other two dont even so much as get yelled at ( nor does she) but I just dont know how to deal with the guilt.  I have been suicidal in the past because of it but not in a year or so.   Telling you ladies is helping (although you can bash all you want because you cant do anything to me I haven't already done) because at least I have typed these words for the first time ever.   I am anonymous because I dont want this getting to others for her sake and mine but just being able to talk about it is better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

Sad

[Anonymous]

Oh my...

[Anonymous]

That's sad :(

[crescentstar2]

Write it out in a journal if you don't feel you can talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

I wod seek help.

[weezer_cookie]

Wow.

[A.J.s_mommy]

Talk to a therapist. What happened to make you quit doing it?

[kmjmlj]

At least she's getting help. Does she resent you? I'm saying what you did was right no need to make you feel worse you should feel bad though but thankfully you don't abuse your other kids. She does deserve some sucking up too.

[jadsmummy]

You can't go back but you can go forward. Meet with the therapist alone and discuss it with the therapist. You need to heal and she needs to heal from the abuse. Good luck.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

Talk to a therapist. What happened to make you quit doing it