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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Sorry Kids, He's Not Your Real Dad UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 291 Replies
8 moms liked this

When I met my husband, my two children from a previous relationship were still very young. They started calling him Daddy and even came up with a whole back life for them. We've been together for awhile now, the kids are a little older and DH and I have a child together.

Recently, my son has started to remember us moving here from another state and things like that, that do not include my husband. I told my husband and he said that he felt it was time we told them the truth. We are in the process of him adopting them and they do know they have a different last name than us, but when asked, I lied (I know, not the best thing) and told them the hospital screwed it up and we had to go to court to change it.

Well, Saturday night, we told them. I didn't bash my ex, but I was honest with them about why he wasn't around. They took it pretty well, my son MAYBE took it a little harder..he started to cry when he thought that my ex was going to come back and get them. We assured them that their Daddy (my husband) would ALWAYS been their Daddy and we explained about the adoption thing.

I kept some pictures, so I'm going to show them to them today.

Have you had to do anything like this before?


11/13 UPDATE
First off, I want to address somethings....
1) I ONLY lied about their last name. They came up with the backstory and whenever they'd ask if DH did something, he'd say "no, but your mom did".
2) I didn't tell them because I didn't think they were old enough to understand. I did what I felt was right at the time.
3) They aren't acting any different since we told them. They are being themselves. So clearly, it's not impacted them negatively.

Now, I did show them the pictures and they said that they didn't recognize him. They asked a few more questions, questions about his family. I was honest with them about a lot of things. They asked why we broke up and I told them the truth. By the end of the conversation, they decided that they didn't want to contact him or his family and they just liked things as they were. I said that was fine, but they could ask me any time and I'd help them. They pointed to a picture of my husband and said that he's the only Daddy they ever want to know.

I asked them if they were mad at me and my daughter got this weird look on her face and said "No, why would we be?" I basically told them what a lot of you guys said and they just said that no, they wasn't mad, they loved me.

So all's well....now if we could just get that adoption over with.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
andersongirl562
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:49 AM
Yes my two oldest have been raised by my DH since they were 2 years old and 2 months old. They are now 14 and 12. There bio Dad has always been in and out of their lives like every six months to a year he stops by or calls so they have always called him by name and DH daddy. At age 7 it dawned on my son who his bio dad was and he had a hard time with it. Although we never kept it a secret he just assumed that was his sissters dad lol
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keisha613
by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:50 AM
7 moms liked this

My kids were 7 and 1 when I met my DH.  They knew from the beginning he wasn't their biological dad.  Even more so because DH is white and my kids and I are black.  I personally would have been honest from day 1.  However, I know that must have been hard if your kids were really young and wouldn't understand.  It's great that your husband has stepped up will be taking care of your kids.  Lucky lady.

Dippydoomomof2
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:51 AM
No but it's coming up. DD and I moved 1000 miles away from my ex when she was 9 months old. I met my now DH when she was about a year and a half. We plan to start the adoption afted the first of the year. Im scared she is going to hate me, but she will know the truth when the time comes.
How old were the kids when you told them?
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SharonHernandez
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:52 AM
I haven't, but I hope everything goes good.
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Pnukey
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:53 AM

Nope, haven't had to do that. Dh is my kids' dad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:54 AM
Ermagherd. Reeeeaaallllyyyy?!?
MC anon in the houuuseeeee!
Hahahahahahahahaha.
ermka
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:55 AM
We told my son when he was 4, almost 5 (out of necessity more than desire to) he took it pretty well & refers to my ex (whom he doesn't see) as his step-dad. Dh is dad.
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alexsmomma06
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:57 AM
When I was 13, I found out that my older brother and sister had a different father. I was upset that I had been point blank lied to my entire life. Good luck.
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sassygoddess
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:57 AM

 Not yet but it's coming.  My 7 yr old has never seen or met her bio dad..my ex husband adopted her when she was 2 but had been in her life since birth. She's started asking questions like why isn't there any pictures of Daddy holding her in the hospital like there are of her sister. She has a brother and sister from her bio dad that I would like her to know but I don't know how to bring it up to them (we are friends on facebook) with out telling her. I think she is too young..I'm hoping to wait a little while longer.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:58 AM

I could see how, in your situation, they'd be able to tell he wasn't their birth father.

Their birth father was never around and, honestly, it was just easier to let them think that DH was their Dad.

I am a very lucky lady....DH is so awesome. He doesn't treat them any different than he treats our daughter together.

Quoting keisha613:

My kids were 7 and 1 when I met my DH.  They knew from the beginning he wasn't their biological dad.  Even more so because DH is white and my kids and I are black.  I personally would have been honest from day 1.  However, I know that must have been hard if your kids were really young and wouldn't understand.  It's great that your husband has stepped up will be taking care of your kids.  Lucky lady.


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