When I met my husband, my two children from a previous relationship were still very young. They started calling him Daddy and even came up with a whole back life for them. We've been together for awhile now, the kids are a little older and DH and I have a child together.
Recently, my son has started to remember us moving here from another state and things like that, that do not include my husband. I told my husband and he said that he felt it was time we told them the truth. We are in the process of him adopting them and they do know they have a different last name than us, but when asked, I lied (I know, not the best thing) and told them the hospital screwed it up and we had to go to court to change it.
Well, Saturday night, we told them. I didn't bash my ex, but I was honest with them about why he wasn't around. They took it pretty well, my son MAYBE took it a little harder..he started to cry when he thought that my ex was going to come back and get them. We assured them that their Daddy (my husband) would ALWAYS been their Daddy and we explained about the adoption thing.
I kept some pictures, so I'm going to show them to them today.
Have you had to do anything like this before?
First off, I want to address somethings....
1) I ONLY lied about their last name. They came up with the backstory and whenever they'd ask if DH did something, he'd say "no, but your mom did".
2) I didn't tell them because I didn't think they were old enough to understand. I did what I felt was right at the time.
3) They aren't acting any different since we told them. They are being themselves. So clearly, it's not impacted them negatively.
Now, I did show them the pictures and they said that they didn't recognize him. They asked a few more questions, questions about his family. I was honest with them about a lot of things. They asked why we broke up and I told them the truth. By the end of the conversation, they decided that they didn't want to contact him or his family and they just liked things as they were. I said that was fine, but they could ask me any time and I'd help them. They pointed to a picture of my husband and said that he's the only Daddy they ever want to know.
I asked them if they were mad at me and my daughter got this weird look on her face and said "No, why would we be?" I basically told them what a lot of you guys said and they just said that no, they wasn't mad, they loved me.
So all's well....now if we could just get that adoption over with.