I feel like I don't have the strength to fight anymore
Anyone dealt with ppd and struggled with rage/anger issues because of it? I sometimes feel my blood boiling over the stupidest things. And it worries me because I'm a sahm. I have a toddler and 1 yr old.
I'm on meds and I'm going to see my psychiatrist soon to address these problems. I've been completely neglecting my husband, its like we're roommates. I honestly wonder what it is about me he likes or even loves. I feel like I have nothing to offer anymore. People say I'm a great mom. Why? Because I change diapers, feed them, play with them - but then flip out when my 2 yr old moves a blanket I just folded? When I resent having to spend time with them day in day out? When I think about leaving - either just running away or permanently leaving this earth. I've never come close to acting on that last part, but I think about it a lot more than I used to.
I'm so tired. The anxiety is overwhelming and then after that subsides my whole body is just exhausted. I feel like I have nothing left to give but everyone needs me. And my poor husband ... why should he even stay? I almost want to just give him a free pass to cheat - though I know he never would. I want to communicate all these thoughts/feelings but it never comes out right. I feel like I'm literally alone in a deep, dark hole with no strength to get out.