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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

how you support your other kids is not my problem...How we support our kids is what is important to me....

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok so exdh and I have three kids together...we were married 10 years before we split....Our kids are 13, 9 and 6 (youngest has a lot of health issues) we got together when I was just 15 and he was 18.....When we split I got the house, custody of the three kids with him getting them EOW and every other holiday and we work out summer time together...He was ordered to pay me 1,000 in child support a month..plus I went and got a full time job...(he was ordered to pay that much because of what it costs to raise my DD with her health issues...He is a good father who always takes his kids and pays support on time

4 years later and he just called me tonight asking for me to lower his child support down to 500 a month because him and his new wife are struggling to raise their two kids and her 1 kid since she now lost her job and her ex hasn't paid her  child support in 4 months....I told him no and tried to explain that if I were to lower his support that would mean me finding a second job just to care for our DD needs and I can't do that especially with how hard it was to find this job that gave me the flexibility that i need to take our DD back and fourth to her specialist and time off when she is sick....He then got mad and asked me what he is suppose to do and that i should think about all the kids involved...I told him he should make his new wife get off her ass and find a new job (he said she has not looked since she got fired) and that his other two kids and his wifes child is not my problem..the only kids I need to worry about are our kids and no body else's.....

Now i feel bad :( However lowering his support is not an option since I need that money to help support our three kids including DD and all her meds. co pays, medical equipment, special daycare for after school ect ect

If you were in my shoes what would you have done?


***EDIT***In his favor When he married her she was working and getting  child support, when they decided to have the kids she was working and getting child support so they were able to afford more kids..plus during that time he has gotten a good raise....when she is working and getting child support they live pretty good

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:22 AM
Replies (11-20):
NBean311
by Chivette on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:37 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

well in his favor when he married her she was working and getting child support...when they decided to have more kids she was still working and getting support...with her working and getting child support they do live pretty good...

Quoting NBean311:

The same thing. 1000 for 3 kids isn't that bad, my brother pays 1400 for 1 child! And like PP said, he should have taken his CS into account before having 2 more and taking on her child. 


That is great as long as they were both working, and her ex was cooperating, but I hope despite whatever you guys work out in this situation, they prepare for something like this in the future. They should have a savings, like a safety net, in case this were to happen again. As the saying goes "lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine." 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:38 AM
Couldn't he go back to court and have it lowered anyway?
JakesMom712
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh I see, well, tell him you're sorry and give him an app to mcdonalds for his wife.


Quoting Anonymous:

no we would have to go through the courts and child support unit because if he doesn't pay it all he will go in to rears unless we have it done through the courts


Quoting JakesMom712:

You can't write up a temp agreement among yourselves? Once again, its really not your problem, only if you want to help him out. Just keep in mind, he could stop paying all together





Quoting Anonymous:

I don't want to do a temp cut because that means going to court to get the temp cut and then going back to court to get it raised again and to me that is alot of hassle and missed days from work i don't need



Quoting JakesMom712:

He should have taken cs into consideration when he had his other kids. Not your problem.





But if you want to be helpful you could suggest a temporary cut until the wife gets on her feet. He can agree to pay half of whatever arises for your dd.






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margo2322
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:39 AM
Well I wish I could say something but my dh is in a similar situation
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margo2322
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:40 AM
But I do understand that it must be very hard
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:46 AM
2 moms liked this

nope because he actually makes more now then he did when we did the child support issue..so he would end up paying more...The courts only go by his income to determine child support plus they weigh in all of our DD's extra expenses which is actually more now as she has gotten older then it was when we first did the child support....I was nice and never asked for more even when I could have used it...Because I felt he was a good dad and already paid enough in support....

Quoting Anonymous:

Couldn't he go back to court and have it lowered anyway?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:47 AM

Don't get me wrong...I do feel bad however I need to worry about my kids first and I need that support to properly care for our DD.

Quoting margo2322:

Well I wish I could say something but my dh is in a similar situation


MochaBerry24
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:49 AM
1 mom liked this

stick up for your family and do what you need to do to raise your kids. His lazy wife needs to get a job. 

margo2322
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:49 AM
I get it. But my dh x wives have money they are just greedy. Must be hard how old is your dd

Quoting Anonymous:

Don't get me wrong...I do feel bad however I need to worry about my kids first and I need that support to properly care for our DD.


Quoting margo2322:

Well I wish I could say something but my dh is in a similar situation


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:55 AM

She is now 6, but has alot of health issues...She sees a specialist every 2 weeks that is over two hours away...plus she sees another specialist once a month that is just over an hour away...she has blood transfusions done once a month and that means spending the weekend 2.5 hours away at a hospital...plus all the other issues she deals with....She is so sick right now I am debating on waking up my oldest and having him crash on the couch to watch the 9 year old just so I can take her to the ER...I have no family to help out :(

Quoting margo2322:

I get it. But my dh x wives have money they are just greedy. Must be hard how old is your dd

Quoting Anonymous:

Don't get me wrong...I do feel bad however I need to worry about my kids first and I need that support to properly care for our DD.


Quoting margo2322:

Well I wish I could say something but my dh is in a similar situation



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