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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i need advice...how long could you stay in this marriage?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
So I read another post asking how involved is your husband.
A lot of the women said 50/50
well I'll say like 25% of the time he helps but I really have to force him to help. If I ask him to change a diaper I have to get the diaper and wipes and take my son to him. I could just change it myself!!!! He doesn't clean or discipline the kids but man can he ignore them and tune into that tv. He works but it seems like he takes advantage of me because of it. He forces me to hand wash and line dry the clothes and that pissed me off. He would rather put the extra money into football polls than give me the money for laundry. He forces me to beg for diapers because he's careless with the bills and money. My name is so in debt because of him. Tomorrow he has to be to work early so I have to stay up til 4 am to wake him up because hes afraid he will over sleep.

**Anyway with all that he does would you leave this man? Or can you relate? How long would you work on a marriage like this before you called it quits? I don't work so I feel stuck! I will be leaving but I just wonder how long you personally could stay in this marriage and how long you would "try"? I want to feel like I have done everything I can to make it work.

More info in first reply
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:48 AM
Replies (101-110):
Refurbished
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:09 PM
1 mom liked this

He isn't "forcing" you to do anything.  He tells you the way he wants it and you accept.  You don't like washing by hand?  So stop washing his clothes and tell him as soon as he buys a washing machine he will have clean underwear.  See how fast that lasts.  Don't stay up til 4 a.m.  Getting up on time is his problem.  You don't have to stay up just because he says so. Don't beg for diapers.  If he won't buy them, let the kid crap all over his stuff. 

The problem here is that he tells you what to do and you just go along with it.  So don't go along with it.  No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

meka26
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:10 PM

You know what you need to do. It does not matter what we say b/c the decision is yours alone to make.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:21 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:22 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:24 PM
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nelliesmommy
by NoTtOdaY:) on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:32 PM

I would leave. He is a lazy asshole. I wouldn't leave until I made it a point to get across how stupid and selfish his behavior is. How mean to make you wash clothes by hand so he can play games. I can see if there was no money. You can do bad all by yourself.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:47 PM
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chalisa0
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:53 PM

NO one would ever be able to "force" me into hand washing any clothes.  Ever.  If you can afford a tv, you can afford laundry.  Just tell him that you're selling the tv to pay for laundry.  And do not-ever! stay awake for him.  He's an adult and can wake himself up.  You are just enabling him to behave this way.  Stop.

momof3jam
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:07 AM

 I am so sorry you're going through this. You're right, you should have left a long time ago. No one deserves that, even if there ARE good times in between. It doesn't make up for the bad. If he "needs" you, he'll get over it and figure it out. Kinda like a parent, you have to eventually let him go and see if he lands on his feet. Shit, if it's possible, GIVE him the car and take off. Can you stay with your parents til you get on your feet??

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

Ummm wow. I wouldn't "beg" for anything, or be "forced" to do anything. That's just insane.


How long have you been married? Has he always been this way? Do you work?


we've been together 7 years married 5 I'd say it wasnt as bad in the beginning. But we bonded because my family didn't like him and there was a lot of drama the first few years.,I guess they saw something I didn't.
So when my daughter was born he was very attached to her and really over protected of her even with me. But I worked and it was my excape. He did the whole showing up to my work and constantly calling they dropped my hours and he convinced me to quit. I got a new job again my excape. He did the same thing thoughinterupting me at work getting me into trouble. But he wasn't mean or overly controlling I just got the feeling he didn't trust me. Kind of how a parent checks up on a child. When I would talk to my coworkers they all said I was crazy he just checks up on me cause he loves me.
Anyway so I had my second child and we decided for me to stay home instead of return to work because of child care and he was out of town for work a lot. With my son my husband did not bond with him atall. He didn't want to hold him. We went to counseling it seemed to be better.
We went out of town with him where he was working. It was close to the beach it was a lot of fun. Like a 2 month long vacation. But we still fought but I tried to keep everything under control and do what he wanted because his co workers were always around. When we returned home we were not able to go with him the next time. I really enjoyed him being gone. I could do what I wanted and didn't have to ask permission.
When he came back he got to stay in town and he had his work truck taken so he uses my car so I'm stuck at home every day. Then they dropped his hours and took 2 dollars away.
I know his attitude and assholeness comes from his crap job but we are his family why take it out on us.
He refuses to cut cable down to basics or reduce our cell phones we go more and more into debt each month. Right now we are behind in rent. I have no access to ny money. Idont have a car or baby sitter so I can't get a job.
There are also things like his gambling and my depression but I've tried my best. I feel I should of left years ago. But there was always a reason for every thing so I felt guilty for wanting to leave like how can I leave when he needs me? He needs my car to provide for his children what would he do?Idk.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:01 PM
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