Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i need long could you stay in this marriage?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
So I read another post asking how involved is your husband.
A lot of the women said 50/50
well I'll say like 25% of the time he helps but I really have to force him to help. If I ask him to change a diaper I have to get the diaper and wipes and take my son to him. I could just change it myself!!!! He doesn't clean or discipline the kids but man can he ignore them and tune into that tv. He works but it seems like he takes advantage of me because of it. He forces me to hand wash and line dry the clothes and that pissed me off. He would rather put the extra money into football polls than give me the money for laundry. He forces me to beg for diapers because he's careless with the bills and money. My name is so in debt because of him. Tomorrow he has to be to work early so I have to stay up til 4 am to wake him up because hes afraid he will over sleep.

**Anyway with all that he does would you leave this man? Or can you relate? How long would you work on a marriage like this before you called it quits? I don't work so I feel stuck! I will be leaving but I just wonder how long you personally could stay in this marriage and how long you would "try"? I want to feel like I have done everything I can to make it work.

More info in first reply
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:48 AM
Replies (61-70):
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:31 PM

I couldn't be with someone that selfish.  I think a lot of men slack around the house, not all but most. When it comes to your kids being clothed, cared for, discipline, diapers, that is a GIVEN. I wouldn't tolerate it for a second.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:32 PM

No chance would I live like that. We're 50/50. And I could never stay home and rely on him, even though he would let me and provide well enough. I'm too independent.

by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:33 PM
I work all day AND take care of my children when I am home. That is a bad excuse (as you know).

I don't necessarily think he sounds like an awful person, I assume he has some redeeming qualities. But I do think you should tell him that you would like to go to couples counseling. If he refuses, go alone. A good therapist will teach you how to communicate with him effectively, so that he understands what he needs to do to shape up.

And, I think you need to find a way to have more control over finances. Be sure to tell him that if his clothes need handwashing, he needs to do it.

My DH washes his own clothes, and he runs his own business...

Quoting Anonymous:

Forcing me by giving me no other choice. When he tells me whoops I spent all the money guess you will have to hand wash another 2 weeks. And he always says he will help but his excuse for everything is that he worked all day.

Quoting rgba:

it depends...what do you mean by "he forces you"?

I think at the very least, you need to get yourself to therapy.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:35 PM
I was done at hand washing the laundry lol
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:36 PM
fuck that.he seems like an unappreciative Dick
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:40 PM

Whose decision was it for you to not work?  If it was his decision I would think he is very controlling and uses money to do it (in which case, my advice is leave).  If it was your decision I would think that he is very immature and selfish, he may not have wanted you to stay at home and he is punishing you for that decision (in which case, my advice is get a job.)  Actually, I think you need to find work either way.  

Either way, I can't imagine that I would have married a guy like that.  I work, but it's something that we BOTH agreed on.   

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:55 PM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM

 Knowing what I do now I would be gone. That being said I had 8 years of crap till I put my foot down. BOw I have a gret loving fiance that does more like 75% around the house sometmes I feel like I take advantage of him but he LOVES to do it for me. HE thinks I work too hard IDK where I found this guy sometimes I pray hes not gay. :)

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM

When my husband is home, he actually does the majority when it comes to the kids.  He works two jobs so he is only home for longer than an hour while they are awake like maybe once a week.  He likes to use that time with his kids.  He also helps around the house with the laundry, dishes, and garbage/recycling.  He is a very great man.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM

In your situation I would leave in a heartbeat. He is controlling and  abusive , which is a deal breaker for me.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)