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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i need advice...how long could you stay in this marriage?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
So I read another post asking how involved is your husband.
A lot of the women said 50/50
well I'll say like 25% of the time he helps but I really have to force him to help. If I ask him to change a diaper I have to get the diaper and wipes and take my son to him. I could just change it myself!!!! He doesn't clean or discipline the kids but man can he ignore them and tune into that tv. He works but it seems like he takes advantage of me because of it. He forces me to hand wash and line dry the clothes and that pissed me off. He would rather put the extra money into football polls than give me the money for laundry. He forces me to beg for diapers because he's careless with the bills and money. My name is so in debt because of him. Tomorrow he has to be to work early so I have to stay up til 4 am to wake him up because hes afraid he will over sleep.

**Anyway with all that he does would you leave this man? Or can you relate? How long would you work on a marriage like this before you called it quits? I don't work so I feel stuck! I will be leaving but I just wonder how long you personally could stay in this marriage and how long you would "try"? I want to feel like I have done everything I can to make it work.

More info in first reply
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:48 AM
Replies (91-100):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to stop letting him treat you so badly. Don't stay up until 4 am. If he doesn't get up, that is his problem. Do you have access to accounts? Take money and get what you need. Get a job working nights. That way you have your own money. Don't wash his clothes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM

Ummm wow. I wouldn't "beg" for anything, or be "forced" to do anything. That's just insane.

How long have you been married? Has he always been this way? Do you work?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:07 PM

Are you freaking serious?  I would not stay in a marriage like that one second longer.  Make you hand wash clothes?  What an ass! 

Why the hell did you marry him to begin with?

Matriarch87
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 I dont really understand what you mean by he "makes" you or "forces" you...I mean, what happens if you are just like, "fuck off man, im using the washing machine!"...what would happen then??? 

I think this marriage is totally saveable...I mean really all your describing is a bossy, lazy, irresponsible man...Thats totally fixable, of course if he is willing to try and you are willing to stand up for yourself. 

Id start by including yourself in the budgetting and households finances...you can be nice about it just be like, "So it really bothers me that we sometimes dont have money for diapers, id like to be included in the finances and atleast know what is going on, we can prioritize TOGETHER"...Together is a good word to use in confrontation, signifies team work and keeps people not defensive. 

Then id plainly be like, "Listen I dont mind hanging the laundry outside but washing it by hand is getting fucking rediculous.  If you insist on this method than you can do your own laundry.  Im using a machine.".

You get the picture. 

iluvsn85
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:12 PM
I would give him a list of expences you need ( diapers, laundry, personal pocket change etc) after he looks it over say "this is what we need to live so either you can provide for us or im leaving with the kids and I will provide for the children without you. Make your choice"
shortlilartist
by Bronze Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:24 PM
Stand up to him. And u should not stay up. Tell him u are tired, it is his job be an adult and set an alarm. If he is concerned he will oversleep set a clock alarm and a few on his phone and place it far ebought away that he has to get up to shit it off. It's his responsibility. I can't believe he would pressure u to stay awake for his own job! Don't do it
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lilmommy3508
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:41 PM

it seems to me you just need to sit down and talk everything out with your man and how you are feeling right now too it'll help you feel better im sure 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:56 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

Ummm wow. I wouldn't "beg" for anything, or be "forced" to do anything. That's just insane.


How long have you been married? Has he always been this way? Do you work?


we've been together 7 years married 5 I'd say it wasnt as bad in the beginning. But we bonded because my family didn't like him and there was a lot of drama the first few years.,I guess they saw something I didn't.
So when my daughter was born he was very attached to her and really over protected of her even with me. But I worked and it was my excape. He did the whole showing up to my work and constantly calling they dropped my hours and he convinced me to quit. I got a new job again my excape. He did the same thing thoughinterupting me at work getting me into trouble. But he wasn't mean or overly controlling I just got the feeling he didn't trust me. Kind of how a parent checks up on a child. When I would talk to my coworkers they all said I was crazy he just checks up on me cause he loves me.
Anyway so I had my second child and we decided for me to stay home instead of return to work because of child care and he was out of town for work a lot. With my son my husband did not bond with him atall. He didn't want to hold him. We went to counseling it seemed to be better.
We went out of town with him where he was working. It was close to the beach it was a lot of fun. Like a 2 month long vacation. But we still fought but I tried to keep everything under control and do what he wanted because his co workers were always around. When we returned home we were not able to go with him the next time. I really enjoyed him being gone. I could do what I wanted and didn't have to ask permission.
When he came back he got to stay in town and he had his work truck taken so he uses my car so I'm stuck at home every day. Then they dropped his hours and took 2 dollars away.
I know his attitude and assholeness comes from his crap job but we are his family why take it out on us.
He refuses to cut cable down to basics or reduce our cell phones we go more and more into debt each month. Right now we are behind in rent. I have no access to ny money. Idont have a car or baby sitter so I can't get a job.
There are also things like his gambling and my depression but I've tried my best. I feel I should of left years ago. But there was always a reason for every thing so I felt guilty for wanting to leave like how can I leave when he needs me? He needs my car to provide for his children what would he do?Idk.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:04 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:05 PM
Bump
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