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Are dads held to the same standards as moms?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It seems on here that they are not. If she expects him to help out at all, she is lazy. If she gets no free time and gets pissed that he does, she is a clingy bitch. If she does go out, she is a bad mom. If he is sick and vomitting all over the place, she is cold for not waiting on him (and the kids) hand and foot. If she is sick and still has to work and care for the kids she "is a mom and needs to do it". So on and so on. Why do we hold moms to higher standards then dads when dad helped create the child/ren as well. Now I understand women are amazing and can handle way more then men ;) but why do we just let them get away with these things. Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?

Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.
or if dads half ass it when they help. If mom takes a kid to the store barefoot while its cold or forgets to bathe the child, she is a bad mom. If dad does it, well people are just being picky. Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (171-180):
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah it's pretty disgusting. I thought we're supposed to stick together!

Quoting owl0210:

 I've never seen so many women haters prior to joining cafemom.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this

It's funny how modern our world is but we still have these barbaric notions!

Quoting happinessforyou:

IDK- it seems to me that women are judged by how well the children behave, and how clean the house is. Men seem to be judged by what career they have and how much $$  they make. I've never heard of a man getting criticized for their kids being dirty or the house needing dusted. KWIM??  lol

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:32 PM

I agree with you and in my marriage we both are team players in caring for our family.

I can only say that there are double standards in some homes.  I have noticed many that are fine with the double standard it's sometimes because that's how one or both grew up or because of religious beliefs.  Also for some that aren't fine with it but accept it there was no knowledge that their spouse would be the type to be the type of half arse parent when they got together.

For me I let my husband know prior to having our first that he will not be halfway involved; it's all the way or get out of the picture.  My husband is a great father who cleans, takes care of children and works as hard as I have to ensure we have a healthy happy family, which we do.  For me I couldn't ask for a better life partner, friend and lover than him.

I think had my husband chosen to take advantage of me or be neglectful of our family I would loose respect and would have a hard time wanting to be with him.  For some they settle with the double standards and for some that I can't relate to it's because they chose that lifestyle.  I it wrong... I guess not if that is how they chose to live their lives, but it's definitely not for me or what I'd choose and stick with.


 Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?

by Anonymous 17 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:33 PM

My husband I were just having this conversation today. He said I believe in this because I'm a woman. Um no IMO it's true. Why is it not as big a deal of a man runs off and leaves a pregnant girl, or has one night stands and gets girl pregnant. It's always the girls fault. While looking into BC for men what is the option, condoms and vasactomy. That's it. We need to put more on their shoulders. I have to say I am very thankful for my husband. He is a real man and father. I am thankful for him everyday. Even if I want to bop him sometimes!! ;)

by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:40 PM

I totally agree, but also agree I do it too.  I think (most)men are pretty stupid, simple I give them more slack than they deserve.  That said, I am tired of running circles around everyone till exhaustion and then hear someone compliment my dh for taking a kid out of a high chair.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

 I had this conversation with a friend of mine last month. We were out at a birthday party and she told me the story of this guy who kept his kids after the mom just abandoned them and how amazing he was. I find it interesting that single dads who keep their children are cherished as heroes while single women are generally looked down upon, that we made horrible choices, or slept around. Single dads who do the same thing are amazing men who are fantastic for sticking by their children.   I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about but it's along the same lines. Women are definitely held at a different standard as men when it comes to parenting, it's sad.

by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

So what you are saying is that you are a control freak. Just because your husband doesn't do things YOUR way doesn't make it wrong. In the long run what does it matter what your son wore to school or ate for breakfast? It really doesn't. What matters is the time they spent together without mom micromanaging every minute.

I was scared to leave my husband for 3 days with the kids because it had never happened before. Guess what they all lived! What she wore to school who cares I never even asked. Dads are just as capable of running the show as moms are. I think that many dads don't want to because of micromanaging moms like you. 

Quoting Matriarch87:

I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.

He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.

He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.

I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.

Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.

But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.

Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.

by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:14 PM
Totally agree with you
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:15 PM

I always hold men to the same standard as women, and vice versa.  Fathers do NOT babysit, they parent. Having a penis doesn't preclude someone from cooking, cleaning, ironing, changing diapers, etc.  Likewise, having a uterus doesn't preclude someone from being able to mow the lawn, change a fuse, replace a broken window, drive a stick, change a flat tyre etc. 

Maybe it's because I grew up without a father and saw my mother do all these things. I could never have married a man that thought housekeeping or parenting was woman's work. 

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:22 PM

I agree totally. I don't know how many times I've seen a mom saying her husband is a good man but she needs him to help...and she gets called lazy and told that her husband needs a break and blah blah. it's bullshit.

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