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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Are dads held to the same standards as moms?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It seems on here that they are not. If she expects him to help out at all, she is lazy. If she gets no free time and gets pissed that he does, she is a clingy bitch. If she does go out, she is a bad mom. If he is sick and vomitting all over the place, she is cold for not waiting on him (and the kids) hand and foot. If she is sick and still has to work and care for the kids she "is a mom and needs to do it". So on and so on. Why do we hold moms to higher standards then dads when dad helped create the child/ren as well. Now I understand women are amazing and can handle way more then men ;) but why do we just let them get away with these things. Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?



Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.
or if dads half ass it when they help. If mom takes a kid to the store barefoot while its cold or forgets to bathe the child, she is a bad mom. If dad does it, well people are just being picky. Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (301-310):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:44 PM
Oh i agree with you! I was totally being sarcastic and I don't think you should HAVE to deal with the pain! I think its gross that someone who is supposed to love you can even enjoy it knowing its hurting you. I am just shocked at how many women think that we HAVE to do it. I don't believe in "throwing him a bone". Thank god that is one of the few things my dh actually gets lol.

Quoting niki_hubbard:

Quoting Anonymous:




Lol... I know. I should just deal with the pain, and I do about once a week. But I am not going to feel like I am a walking vagina. He married a whole person, a person who has pain and gets tired when making another person. For him!
spotsmom
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:09 AM

BRAVO! Completely agree!

I think a lot of it has to do with self-esteem, and a martyrdom complex. Their identity as a person is completely tied into their role as a wife and a mother. Also, mothers are highly scrutinized and criticized in our society. The expectation is nothing less than perfection, so a lot of moms feel that the only way to do that is to become a complete doormat. If you do everything, and do it as near "perfect" as possible, then you pass muster, right? No, unfortunately, the bar has been set so high that it is impossible to acheive. 

AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:18 AM

 I've pointed this out MANY TIMES. men and boys get passes and justifications for half assing shit.

For example, last year my oldest son went and stayed with his biological father. While he was there, my son got bit by a dog. My exhusband never took my son to the doctor and when my son came home, his finger was swollen and needed to be xrayed and he needed antibiotics.

I posted about on here, and guess what the women had to say? "Oh, don't get all mad at him, he's a guy"

Misha1204
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 9:09 AM
I fully agree.
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celticgodess
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:03 PM

not ok in my house

Ayla-bellesmom
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:07 PM
Not in my world. I have always fully expected my SO to be a hands on parent, and he's always just done those things. I would not tolerate a man who thought he could half ass his way through marriage and fatherhood.




But I agree that society has this double standard. Its ridiculous and I challenge it at every opportunity.

Its just a product of a society with patriarchal, religiously indoctrinated roots.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 40 on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Sorry for the late post, going thru CM emails...

My DH is helpful - when I ask him to be.  What I can't wrap my head around is why he doesn't just vacuum when the floor is crunchy, clean the bathroom if there is scum on the counter, bath and toilet, dust when there is an inch of dust everywhere and remember things when I have to remind him over and over and over and over.  Why do I have to point these things out? He keeps saying he is willing to help but can't read minds - well it doesn't take mind reading to see that the house is filthy. And I get -so- frustrated over that. He has a few things that he keeps up on regularly but compared to the other things that he doesn't do, I feel it's very unbalanced.  I do the housework from time to time but since I refuse to give up ALL of my free time to take care of the house, it doesn't get done as often as I want. And he has several hours home to himself each day while I have a much smaller amount of free time daily. 

He's honestly really kind, a wonderful father and he loves me unconditionally.  But I am just so frustrated with the housework that it's extremely hard for me to feel like I want to have sex at the end of the day.  We joke around that if we have sex more he'll do more around the house but I just want to feel like it is equal without using sex as a bargaining chip - because then sex just isn't enjoyable for me.  It shouldn't be a reward, it should be something we share together because we love each other and are happy. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 26, 2012 at 1:06 AM
Are we married to the same guy? Mine, when you finally get him to do anything he puts no effort into it whatsoever. Im at work right now covered in damn gum. He decided to FINALLY "be nice" and do laundry. Well one... be nice? So you expected a damn cookie for doing what you should be doing? And thanks for giving enough of a shit to check the pockets. That's not being picky that's common damn sense. Can you tell im livid right now about being covered in nasty looking gum at work? After he kept me up all damn day yelling at the kids for being "to loud" but he is yelling at them and listening to a movie blasting freaking loud. And all these damn women saying "well society downplays fathers roles so they dont do as good", maybe they wouldn't be downplayed if they put basic damn thought into it but they don't because the same women say "well he doesn't kill the kids" if your standard for your so is "just don't kill them" what do you (not society) think that tells them. So he kept me up all day, then I made dinner and we cleaned up together, discover my nasty ass scrubs, head to work in said nasty ass scrubs, decide to stop for red bull since he kept me up, look for my drinks stash cash and he took it! Its ok its ok, I have a card, fuck no, he took that to cause he couldn't find his wallet. Omg wtf is wrong with men these days?!? I just want a damn equal partner not another kid! Sorry that turned into my vent.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry for the late post, going thru CM emails...

My DH is helpful - when I ask him to be.  What I can't wrap my head around is why he doesn't just vacuum when the floor is crunchy, clean the bathroom if there is scum on the counter, bath and toilet, dust when there is an inch of dust everywhere and remember things when I have to remind him over and over and over and over.  Why do I have to point these things out? He keeps saying he is willing to help but can't read minds - well it doesn't take mind reading to see that the house is filthy. And I get -so- frustrated over that. He has a few things that he keeps up on regularly but compared to the other things that he doesn't do, I feel it's very unbalanced.  I do the housework from time to time but since I refuse to give up ALL of my free time to take care of the house, it doesn't get done as often as I want. And he has several hours home to himself each day while I have a much smaller amount of free time daily. 

He's honestly really kind, a wonderful father and he loves me unconditionally.  But I am just so frustrated with the housework that it's extremely hard for me to feel like I want to have sex at the end of the day.  We joke around that if we have sex more he'll do more around the house but I just want to feel like it is equal without using sex as a bargaining chip - because then sex just isn't enjoyable for me.  It shouldn't be a reward, it should be something we share together because we love each other and are happy. 

egbkeb
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 1:11 AM
It's women hating other women on cafemom.. But I'm helplessly addicted to it. Lol I agree with you OP. I had a post and got picked on hard core for wanting DF (unemployed mind you) to get up with our two kids one morning. Smh.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 26, 2012 at 1:15 AM
Wtf? And what is sad is yes this is "just cafemom" but this is what the general public thinks. Smdh

Quoting egbkeb:

It's women hating other women on cafemom.. But I'm helplessly addicted to it. Lol I agree with you OP. I had a post and got picked on hard core for wanting DF (unemployed mind you) to get up with our two kids one morning. Smh.
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