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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Are dads held to the same standards as moms?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It seems on here that they are not. If she expects him to help out at all, she is lazy. If she gets no free time and gets pissed that he does, she is a clingy bitch. If she does go out, she is a bad mom. If he is sick and vomitting all over the place, she is cold for not waiting on him (and the kids) hand and foot. If she is sick and still has to work and care for the kids she "is a mom and needs to do it". So on and so on. Why do we hold moms to higher standards then dads when dad helped create the child/ren as well. Now I understand women are amazing and can handle way more then men ;) but why do we just let them get away with these things. Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?



Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.
or if dads half ass it when they help. If mom takes a kid to the store barefoot while its cold or forgets to bathe the child, she is a bad mom. If dad does it, well people are just being picky. Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Omg im stealing this line lmao

Quoting alwayskk:

No, it seems like the majority of women on this site think that men are helpless creatures at the mercy of our bosoms.

Luna091306
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:59 AM

 Often I feel like I have lost my voice to protest since I became a SAHM. I have always been independent and worked. I LOVE having my own money to spend as I please. For some reason I had this notion that if my dhis working outside the home then everything inside the home should be my responsibility and I have no say in finances. Yeah, that isn't working. I can not do it all especially with an infant and since I let dh take over finances we got behind on some things. I am finally getting to the point where I don't feel guilty asking for help. Oh, and I took charge this month with finances. Everything is caught up again and paid. :)

LiesLiesLies
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this
I totally agree.

We say they are "babysitting" when they are watching their own kids.

We don't want them to have equal rights when it comes to visitation and custody.

We make it a huge deal if they do something for their kids.

He got up at night with her, changed diapers, etc. in fact when he begged me to have a child that was one of the first things I said...I'll have a kid if you are an equal parent. It's a 24 hour a day job. You don't come home from work and get to "relax" we both relax after our kid is in bed.


Quoting Shermy:

In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.


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Kelseyciarah
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:02 AM

 It sounds like you are explaining my situation dead on.

I agree, men are let off easy, its not fair :(

bshoemaker
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:02 AM
2 moms liked this

 I totally agree with this post. My husband used to be that way when my son was first born. He didn't feel he needed to do anything because he was working. Well guess what buddy, I was only off for 8 weeks went right back to work full time and I go to school full time. I gave him those first 8 wks and then after that he helped with everything. He has no problem making dinner for him, feeding him breakfast, dressing him (although he might wear something crazy, atleast he is dressed :). He changes diapers and gives baths just like I do because he knows we are a team and we both work just has hard outside the home. It took him a little while to get used to this.

My husband just got laid off for the winter and he is staying home with our son who is 1 all day everyday. He has been home for 2 wks now and gives him baths everyday and makes sure he has tons of fun. I don't think that men should be excluded from having to take care of their babies.

3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.

Any woman in her right mind would most definitely get a job (and leave) if her loser, irresponsible dh blew money on crap. Yes, he should control his spending, but there's nothing you can do to force him to. I would never stay at home if I was married to a financially irresponsible man who'd rather gamble than pay our rent.

Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?

I've never seen anyone say it's ok for a dad to half ass parent his children.

IMO, at the end of the day it all depends on the type of man you choose to procreate with. A lot of these guys show signs of irresponsibility, poor financial control, and selfishness from day 1, yet some women get with these type of guys and believe he will change just because he has a kid and woman now. but, they don't change and now these women are either "stuck" with a lazy man or they leave him and find a man of standard.
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dee1603
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:03 AM
They should be, however, they're not.
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ivy801
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:04 AM

I can agree with some of these not all, if I ask, hubby does dishes but I don't like how he does our laundry, he can't do a pony tail, a braid or nothing but comb out dd's hair. He forgets to use common sense and gets ubber offended if I start to say it. He is a great father and provider and he has learned a lot more over the years. He is also a great cook. He will clean if he wants to or if he wants his mom and aunt to visit. The only thing he will never clean is the bathroom but he is in charge of the kitty litter box and I crinch cause I do it better but I can't touch it for now. All in all I am grateful that he tries and that he succeeds when he does but I do see that people for some reason expect more from moms. even in schools you see a ratio of more moms to dads involvement.

Quoting Matriarch87:

I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.



He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.



He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.



I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.



Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.



But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.



Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.


justhavingfun.
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:04 AM
Men, in general, are held to a lower standard. Even in the work place. What's funny is WOMEN are the dumb ones who allow it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Its hard being a wife! Lol I totally get this feeling. I pack as many hours into a weekend as dh does all week at work then for 2 years everyday during the week I was doing school and/or 12 hour clinicals ALL THE DAYS I WAS OFF WORK and was still doing most everything at home. All he did was for him. HIS clothes were dirty so he did a load (just wash, not put up). HE was hungry so he cooked. It didn't matter what THE FAMILY OR HOUSE needed, it was when it finally effected him that he got off his ass. Plus he went out atleast once a week. I had to get on something to get me through the last bit of school cause I was always so angry and exhausted. Id vent on here and irl to people and I am/was shocked at how many couldn't understand why I was pissed. Its beyond words my reaction to that. I see it on here all day long and my mouth drops. Why on earth is it ok for dads to get away with this and not only are women horrible for getting angry but men can act as they want and its ok. Smdh

Quoting Anonymous:

I totally agree with you. There was a point where dh was collecting unemployment and going to school part time and he did nothing to help with the kids or the house. It was very frustrating. I would leave the house at 7 to take dd to school then go straight to work and come home at 7. So I was gone for 12 hours come home cook dinner do hw with dd bathe the kids clean the kitchen then do my own hw because I was taking classes on line then go to sleep and wake up the next day and do it all over again. It's hard being a mother.
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