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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Are dads held to the same standards as moms?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It seems on here that they are not. If she expects him to help out at all, she is lazy. If she gets no free time and gets pissed that he does, she is a clingy bitch. If she does go out, she is a bad mom. If he is sick and vomitting all over the place, she is cold for not waiting on him (and the kids) hand and foot. If she is sick and still has to work and care for the kids she "is a mom and needs to do it". So on and so on. Why do we hold moms to higher standards then dads when dad helped create the child/ren as well. Now I understand women are amazing and can handle way more then men ;) but why do we just let them get away with these things. Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?



Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.
or if dads half ass it when they help. If mom takes a kid to the store barefoot while its cold or forgets to bathe the child, she is a bad mom. If dad does it, well people are just being picky. Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:06 AM
I think we have just given up lol

Quoting Shermy:

In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.

BOOGIETHEBOOG
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:08 AM

I like it done my way too. BUt I am thankful when he helps me out. I don't even ask him. Becasue he works his eight or more hours. SO I see the house work and kids as my jobs. I use to get upset when he trys to help. Becasue I saw it as I did not do it good enough. But now I see it, it keeps him busy.

Quoting Matriarch87:

I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.



He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.



He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.



I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.



Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.



But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.



Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.


ivy801
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting 3xangel:

Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.

Any woman in her right mind would most definitely get a job (and leave) if her loser, irresponsible dh blew money on crap. Yes, he should control his spending, but there's nothing you can do to force him to. I would never stay at home if I was married to a financially irresponsible man who'd rather gamble than pay our rent.

Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?

I've never seen anyone say it's ok for a dad to half ass parent his children.

IMO, at the end of the day it all depends on the type of man you choose to procreate with. A lot of these guys show signs of irresponsibility, poor financial control, and selfishness from day 1, yet some women get with these type of guys and believe he will change just because he has a kid and woman now. but, they don't change and now these women are either "stuck" with a lazy man or they leave him and find a man of standard.

In my personal opinion I believe this to be true, I freaked out when I realize my first boyfriend was lazy and no ambition, I broke up with him thinking I might be pregnant but telling myself I don't care, I can at least take care of my kid not also a grown man. When I met my now hubby I made sure he could stand on his own to feet before I even consider marrying him. He is awesome and I love him so much. Some men don't want to change I know three of them who are like that, if it wasn't for their mom they would be int he streets.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:09 AM
I agree that more does and should fall on sahm's but it doesn't excuse the dad from everything like some like to act.

Quoting Luna091306:

 Often I feel like I have lost my voice to protest since I became a SAHM. I have always been independent and worked. I LOVE having my own money to spend as I please. For some reason I had this notion that if my dhis working outside the home then everything inside the home should be my responsibility and I have no say in finances. Yeah, that isn't working. I can not do it all especially with an infant and since I let dh take over finances we got behind on some things. I am finally getting to the point where I don't feel guilty asking for help. Oh, and I took charge this month with finances. Everything is caught up again and paid. :)

notjstasocermom
by Emerald Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:10 AM

i know i hold him to the same stand as me.

Shermy
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Ba doom cha!  Perfect example. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I think we have just given up lol

Quoting Shermy:

In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.


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 FinchFound | My life, in blog form

lilblu399
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM
3 moms liked this
I hold men to the same standard. my husband can play with his kids, feed them do everything I can do, just in his own way. I do hate when women treat their men like helpless fools. I believe a lot of these things stem from the gender based stereotypes that separate boys and girls, boys seem to less responsible because they are boys and cannot control themselves, the whole "boys will be boys." mantra.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM
We don't want them to have equal rights when it comes to visitation and custody.

This line specifically. Maybe if we didn't allow them to half ass parenting, less moms would be concerned about these things. The things men in these situations get away with would NEVER fly if it was the mom doing it. But that is an entirely different post. Lol I think the rest of your response, that shit needs to stop. They should be held to the same standards.

Quoting LiesLiesLies:

I totally agree.



We say they are "babysitting" when they are watching their own kids.



We don't want them to have equal rights when it comes to visitation and custody.



We make it a huge deal if they do something for their kids.



He got up at night with her, changed diapers, etc. in fact when he begged me to have a child that was one of the first things I said...I'll have a kid if you are an equal parent. It's a 24 hour a day job. You don't come home from work and get to "relax" we both relax after our kid is in bed.




Quoting Shermy:

In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.


Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:13 AM

In our families - yes, mothers and fathers are treated and expected to behave the same.  All of the fathers, on both sides of our families, are very hands on.

MsDenuninani
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:13 AM
2 moms liked this

I have no clue why women are okay letting their husbands or partners do less than they do.

I'm not.  I fully expect my husband to do everything I do, unless there's a good reason he can't (like breastfeeding!).  Otherwise, he has the same responibility I do to keep the house clean, everyone fed, the bills paid, etc.

There are some women who don't mind being martyrs -- who will complain about their husbands, but secrety love the idea tha tthey are the one who 'always has to do it."  I'm not one of them.  I take my time seriously, and expect my husband to do so, too.  And he does.

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