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We can't bring it up. If I talk about it he is leaving me.... Third update added

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ok so Monday a little before noon I got an email from AT&T. It was the second time I received this same email! So I took a little more notice. It said that there was an unusually high volume of texts coming from one of our four lines. They wanted to make sure my line had not been crossed with another. So I start looking online at the bill. BIG FUCK UP ON MY PART! Turns out it was the hubby's phone. Now mind you on Monday while I was looking at the bill I didn't suspect anything! We just had a baby 2 weeks ago and he had been home with me for over 2 weeks. He wasn't acting any stranger than usual or anything.

So looking at the bill I do see ALOT of texts between him and one number in particular. However I thought it was a friend of ours. A male friend. Him and his wife have been in our lives for over a year now. So I ignored THAT number and kept going. Writing down every number I didn't recognize so I could ask him about them. Well after noticing a pattern of Monday-Friday 7am-11am and 12pm-4pm and nights after about 9 I started getting confused.

So I put the number into my phone. ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE! Her name came up. Not her husbands.

A little history here: Hubby and him worked together. in July he moved in with us for a month because they were having problems. It only lasted a month because he started missing her and wanting to see his daughter more and so on and so on. I encouraged him to give it another try with her. Well he did and it worked out for the better. GREAT! Well then he switched jobs. So he wasn't coming over nearly as much. She never really came over. The only time I would see him was on lunch and when he was waiting for her to get off of work. Well about 6 weeks ago I was put in the hospital. I was 33 weeks pregnant and my preeclampsia got really bad. I was transferred to another hospital 2 hours away because they thought we would have to deliver early. Well out of the blue she starts texting me. And I was weirded out by it because we had never really talked and I don't get along with females that great. A have bad experiences. Well I said something to hubbs about it and he was like oh just give her a chance. Maybe she is worried about you. Blah blah blah. So I talked to her occasionally. Well then I had ds2 on the first. While I was in the hospital my other 2 kiddos were sick and no one was wanting to deal with them. At least that's the story I got so he had to come home with the kids while I was in the hospital after having a very difficult labor that resulted in having an emergency c section. Baby's heart rate dropped really low my blood pressure dropped had to have blood transfusions just all kinds of crap. Now he was there for all of that but left about an hour after I had the baby.

Now back to Monday: I was instantly losing my mind. So I called him. MISTAKE #3. First I calmly asked if he was talking to her. He asked who told me that! WTF REALLY! So I blew up! And he told me that they had been fighting and she ha been asking for advice and shit! BULLSHIT! So I asked if her husband knew. And he says of course he knows I wouldn't go behind my friends back blah blah blah. Ok yeah BUH-BYE! And I called her. No mistake here. And I asked her why the fuck she was talking to MY husband. And I get the same answer. Oh they are having problems and she thought hubbs could talk to him and yeah. So i ask her. Does your husband know. Yeah he knows. Why wouldn't he know! Ok BUH-BYE! I instantly calle him!! Wanted to make sure they didn't have time to call him. He answered not knowing who I was. After I told him he was like hang on she is calling I said no dot answer I have something to ask you before she has time to lie to you. Caught his attention!! I asked if he knew they were talking. No. Are you sure? Well was it just a text or 2? So I told him about the email, took a picture of the computer screen so he could see. So on and so on. So we get off the phone and hubbs calls me back and asks if I called her husband. YEAH! DUH! And he goes off why did you tell him he's gonna kick my ass why would you do that I can't believe this. And then he says he has to go. That's it. Well I start looking more into the phone bills.

MISTAKE #4: So I am looking at the phone bill from oct 8th to Nov 7th. They talked NONSTOP! And 1 night in particular. The first. The night I was alone in the hospital. Well I asked his sister about not wanting to watch my kids. She said well I didn't say I wouldn't watch them I just told my brother they were fussing and I wanted to know what kind if meds to give them. And he came and got them. Well there was 16 picture messages and about 300 texts between them from the time he left the hospital and about 3 in the morning.

I think that's the part that hurts the most.

Continuing on through the bills. The beginning of oct he was on a job (oilfield worker) an he supposedly didn't have any service. Lets just say we didn't talk much for those 5 days. He talked to her nonstop.

And moving on further. They have been talking since her husband moved out!! And I fended for the dirty bitch! Ugh!

Ok well let me say I love my husband. I have a new baby and 2 toddlers. I am a stay at home mom. And have severe depression. There is no way in hell I can do it alone. Plain and simple. And I don't want to do it alone. We have been together for 5 years. I don't want that to just go down the drain. I don't want to lose something I love. I love my life. All of it. My husband. My kids. My shitty house. My car that will crap out soon. The fact that we aren't rich but we have everything we need. Maybe not all we want. But certainly everything we need. It's amazing that with him, I haven't had to take meds for my depression. I mean there are days where I get frustrated and a little bit distracted but I haven't had to take meds! It's an awesome feeling.

So I am instantly drawn into that familiar depression. And I don't want anyone to know because I have worked hard on the image we portray. The couple that never fights. Now don't get me wrong it's not often but I hate when couples let everyone know all of their business ya know. So anyways. I text him and told him I wanted to work things out. That I don't want this to be the end. That if he was ok we would get through it.

So he gets off and I messed up again. MISTAKE #5. I said I wanted to work it out but I couldn't help myself. I started asking questions. And I mean I really want to know but I guess I should t have gone off about it like I did. And I guess it kinda hit him he was crying and stuff. I don't know. I don't know if I care. It's like you hurt me and here I am still worried that I am hurting you. But he wouldn't answer any of my questions. Except when I asked him if they had sex. He said no. And I asked if he loved her. He said no. He wouldn't answer me when I asked if he cared about her. Or is he going to miss not talking to her. He just kept saying I don't know. I don't know. I hate that!

I will tell the rest in a few I need to be a mom for a little bit!!

First added extra comments page 1

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Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM
How do you know they aren't still doing stuff?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Just pack up and go. I'm sorry but he's not worth it.
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I hate reading these kinds of posts. It makes me so sad to see how trully fucked up people are. I'm sorry that you're going through this, and if you decide to make it work, I wish you the best of luck. I send you a hug from Nicaragua! 

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 12 on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Sounds like you should leave.
by *Angelicious* on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting Anonymous:

You have to ask questions to get over it. Tell him you're going to counseling together, couples therapy or sadly you'll need to move on sweetie. I'm so sorry he did that to you. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:19 PM
2 moms liked this


second I do believe he is having sex with her and that he cares about her.

no matter how much "time" he needs; you were pregnant and you were in labor, a difficult one at that, and he left you there, alone to talk to some woman for hours on end. thats ridiculous hunny. Now i am all for marriages working out even in chances of infedelity.

So i'd suggest Marriage Counsling and Completly cutting off ALL CONTACT with said woman AND her husband. keep your eyes open; look for hints and changes..If he keeps talk to her or finds someone else..then idk if there is a marriage to save sweetie.

I know its hard when you love someone; when you put your entire life into someone and you need them. but its not love or a relationship if they don't need you too if you aren't their life to.

 Maybe also try just being apart for awhile; i know that sounds like the lsat thing and giving him time to cheat more. but maybe thats the answer. If he sees you gone; really gone..maybe he will see.

by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM
Wow sorry mama but it sounds like he doesn't wanna be with you anymore. It also sounds like he's relieved that you caught him. Any man who can leave you when you need him the most...isn't worth a single tear.
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:22 PM
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 If he loved you, he wouldn't be talking to another woman while you were in the hospital birthing his child. That is the lowest of the low. And you said there were 16 picture messages between know those were probably of a sexual nature, right? I can't think of anything else they would be sending pictures of 16 times.

If you want to move on from this, it will take a lot of work. He has to gain your trust back, which means making his life an open book. Showing you every text message and phone call. Answering any and all questions honestly, whenever you ask them. Accounting for his whereabouts at all times. If he's willing to do all of that, then he might actually be worth a second try. If he's not, then he really never loved you enough in the first place.

by Jagged Edge on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:22 PM
If I was in your shoes, I would not want to be with him any longer. I don't believe for one second that he did not have sex with her. I also think you need to seek some help for your depression.
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